Blogs


Notices

early recovery still paining me...help

Old 06-26-2011, 10:37 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 172
sweeteewalls, I wish I had some way to help you, or some words of wisdom for you...I can send you some karma and **{hugs}}.
bonami is offline  
Old 06-26-2011, 10:55 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 317
I'm so frustrated I just want to scream.
sweetteewalls is offline  
Old 06-26-2011, 11:00 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 172
Is there no one you can call to talk to or go to see now?
bonami is offline  
Old 06-27-2011, 12:24 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 317
I had people but they're all alienated because nobody has wanted me to take him back time and time again. I just spoke to him and was trying to reason with him regarding logistics for our daughter and he is just being so cold and dismissive like he just wasn't living here yesterday. He throws daggers with his words and it kills me. How could I have such faith and belief in someone who is so cruel? I don't know how I will withstand this yet again with no support system because I have driven them all away???
sweetteewalls is offline  
Old 06-27-2011, 03:40 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
How about getting to an Al-Anon meeting? Get some phone numbers of people you can call for support. I guarantee nobody there is going to be judging you for taking him back so many times. It's what we do.

Hugs, it WILL get better. It only feels endlessly bleak right now.
LexieCat is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to LexieCat For This Useful Post:
Alone22 (06-27-2011)
Old 06-27-2011, 08:24 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 428
Oh Sweet... I missed this thread until now. YOU deserve better, period. Your daughter deserves better. I know you are in pain, who wouldn't be. Your daughter needs you to be strong. Focus on you and your recovery. I agree with Lexie, get to a meeting today and if you have phone numbers of those in your meeting call them for support. Start taking one step at a time to get to a better place.
Alone22 is offline  
Old 06-27-2011, 08:29 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
Tuffgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Blog Entries: 4
He's just acting like an alcoholic - its what they do - project their anger and self-loathing outward. Try not to take it so seriously and personally. Letting him take over your feelings and thoughts is giving up your power, and no one can make us feel bad, sad, defeated, inferior without our consent. Take your power back. Remove him from your head.

Detachment is really a wonderful tactic to take in situations like this. I struggled with the concept for a long time...it felt unnatural at first. So I read a lot of books on the topic (google or check amazon for the topic...lots of good books out there) and found some little mind games to play with myself to help me detach. There are stickies all over my house and office with phrases to help me stay focused on detachment.

I also made a very firm decision that I would no longer let someone else's choices effect my moods. I get to choose how I feel and respond to situations, not someone else making that choice for me. I wrote myself a letter and read it about once a week...another mind game to remember my place and my power.

By owning my power - accepting what I can't change (anyone else) and putting my energy toward what I can change (me), I have been sleeping much better these days.

Prayers for peace to you today.
~T
Tuffgirl is offline  
Old 06-27-2011, 08:40 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
m1k3's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Sweetie, I felt just like this before I reached the decision that the pain of staying outweighed the pain of leaving. I'm not saying that this is true in your case but it sounds like you may be on the verge of making some sort of decision that you are not comfortable with.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Your friend,
m1k3 is offline  
Old 06-27-2011, 08:58 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Freedom1990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Please, please check into Alanon meetings in your area. The support is there; you just have to reach out for it.

Posting on SR is a good thing, but it's been my personal experience that nothing equals the face-to-face value of a support system through meetings. I need those hugs I get from others who understand!

:ghug3
Freedom1990 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Freedom1990 For This Useful Post:
ANEWAUGUST (06-27-2011), BobbyJ (06-27-2011)
Old 06-27-2011, 10:08 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 317
I am going to Alanon meeting tonight. Its a start...it sucks because I just cannot seem to get through the day. I work at home and I can't function, staring at my computer screen. My daughter is not dressed when I usually bath her, do her hair and feed her first thing in the morning and I've been barely getting by. I am disappointed and don't know how to get out of this viscious cycle.
sweetteewalls is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to sweetteewalls For This Useful Post:
anvilhead (06-27-2011), BobbyJ (06-27-2011), GettingBy (06-27-2011)
Old 06-27-2011, 10:27 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Freedom1990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by sweetteewalls View Post
I am going to Alanon meeting tonight. Its a start...it sucks because I just cannot seem to get through the day. I work at home and I can't function, staring at my computer screen. My daughter is not dressed when I usually bath her, do her hair and feed her first thing in the morning and I've been barely getting by. I am disappointed and don't know how to get out of this viscious cycle.
That's when I shave it down to 5 minutes at a time if I have to. I also battle major depressive disorder and there are days I just flat out allow myself to putter around in sweats, not brush my danged hair, and basically do nothing!

Some days it's an effort to just put one foot in front of the other.

You are not alone, my dear!
Freedom1990 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Freedom1990 For This Useful Post:
anvilhead (06-27-2011), BobbyJ (06-27-2011)
Old 06-27-2011, 10:51 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
Tuffgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Blog Entries: 4
Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
sounds like an in-home JAMMIE day to me! maybe give yourself a break today and give yourself permission to NOT be miss do it all and do it well?
Just did this last Friday. Sometimes I just need a day to hide from the world and do nothing taxing. It's ok to give ourselves a mental health day.
Tuffgirl is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Tuffgirl For This Useful Post:
BobbyJ (06-27-2011)
Old 06-27-2011, 11:12 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
 
GettingBy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by sweetteewalls View Post
I am going to Alanon meeting tonight. Its a start...it sucks because I just cannot seem to get through the day. I work at home and I can't function, staring at my computer screen. My daughter is not dressed when I usually bath her, do her hair and feed her first thing in the morning and I've been barely getting by. I am disappointed and don't know how to get out of this viscious cycle.

I work from home too... and on days like ^that... I take my jammie wearing self (and babies if they happen to be home too!) out for a coffee and donut, or whatever. I give myself a vacation/mulligan day. Take it easy on yourself...

one step at a time. going to a meeting tonight will definetly help make you feel better. So, all you have to do - is get through the day and get to that meeting. That's it.
GettingBy is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to GettingBy For This Useful Post:
BobbyJ (06-27-2011)
Old 06-27-2011, 04:10 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
I agree with LexieCat..

Dont walk to the next class........"RUN" - Thats about what I had to do at first!

Screwed up sleep....We have all been there, done that...Your not alone!!!
BobbyJ is offline  
Old 06-27-2011, 04:24 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Went back & read your post again......

I would like to invite you to go back & read my earlier post, of when
my Xah was in early recovery....

His early recovery did not mix well with my early recovery

Left me feeling lonely, scared, frustrated, sad, let alone lots of depression...

Its like putting your bare foot into murkey water...Scarey to think what is underneath

Hell, life would be easier, if we could see the bottom of the lake....

To me, fear....falls under the category of "LET GO & LET GOD"

Think of what YOU need to let go & let God....Make a list, write them on paper,
thrash them thru your head over and over. Eat, sleep and REPEAT of what
you need to let go & let God...No one else can do it for you. We are here
to support you, and share our tools, just like alanon classes. But you
are the only one who can pick up the tools and use them on your head, heart, soul,
and life...

If you think your going to jump into one single alanon class or jump onto this
website one time and be healed and be happy....99.9% chance it wont work..


I did that at first, and boy was I so wrong!
It took alot of years for me to get this screwed up,
and Im working hard to fix me....Its not easy everyday, but its progress
and over 7 months, Im pretty damn proud of myself!!!

Hope you work the program, inside & out of your heart...It does work!
But you are the only one who can make it work!

Just like the alcoholic, no one can make them sober. They are the only ones
who can do that for themselves.

The rule applies to you too!!

So hopefully, you will get busy & fix YOU!!!

Love Yourself enough to do it today!!!

Peace & Joy is awaiting you, go find it in a Alanon class!!!
BobbyJ is offline  
Old 06-28-2011, 01:12 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Auckland, NZ
Posts: 33
Blog Entries: 1
oh dear this early recovery stuff truly sucks. thoughts are with you, I can relate. Its tough when a child is involved. I wish I had something concrete to offer other than my sympathies
pixipie is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:40 AM.