DeaR

StevieWonder,

I really feel a huge compassion for you and we all know that others are going through more or less difficult time but always your experience - meaning our own, is the most meaningful for us, so do not diminish the value of your suffering because others are going through more, if that makes sense.......

It must be horrendously difficult to get through it and I feel a great admiration for you and others for facing very difficult choices of walking away from the loved one.
Keep up your good work, we are here for you and for others that need the support.

x x x

Notahappyhour

Just a few days remain until the day of the wedding that was suppose to happen. I've maintained no contact and have found my life has been better this way, as I found myself often wondering what she was doing and why she was doing it after engaging in needless conversation. Over the last few weeks she has written to me thru emails and has sent a number of text messages all just in an attempt to get a reaction from me but I don't bother to even take myself to a place I've been before and didn't enjoy where I was heading. StevieWonder I know you care for your ex dearly and no one understands our individual situations as much as we ourselves do. We can relate, sympathize or offer our opinions as less emotions are tied into our comments as we are outside observers in most cases. But when you believe that this was the person you were meant to spend your life with and you make that commitment in your heart and to your family and friends then it takes on a whole other meaning then "Just letting go". My close friends and family can all tell how empty I feel inside from being without her and how much I hurt after falling in love with someone that would constantly chose alcohol and those that were willing to drink with her over me. But I can also tell you that time, no contact with my ex, working on myself and knowing that things could've been much worse (counting my blessings) allows me to get stronger day by day. I smile more today then I did just a few short weeks ago and on the eve of my called off wedding day I can rejoice in knowing that I'm stronger than any obstacle that may come my way. I owe it to myself and those that care about me to become the positive person I once was. She's someone else's problem the way that I see it and I chose to work on repairing who I am and making a "soberrecovery" on life and to stop being intoxiacated by the drama that she brought into my life. I can give you at least 10-15 positive things or new activities that I've engaged in and enjoyed without her in my life and being tied done financially to a bar tab or sleeping in because I was reeling from my mini hangover or getting every suggestion that that involved alcohol shot down because she and her friends preferred meeting at the local pub over something I suggested for our date night. Once I'm done enjoying life with my new self I will be ready to share of part of that life with a stable, healthy woman that is able to give and receive what I'm willing to share in abundance. And what a wonderful day it will be. I don't know how or if I will celebrate my "non wedding day" but I can tell you that I won't drinking.

DeaR

Hello to everyone!

NotaHappyHour, StevieWonder and all of you how things are going on for you?
Are you feeling better with the months passing by?
NotaHappyHour have you met anyone new, anyone who with you feel ready to start building a new relationship or are you still in a stage of being hurt?
StevieWonder, how are you feeling, are you getting ahead with life?
I'd like to know how how life pans out for you, if you have enough time to reply.

Big Hugs x

StevieWonder

Thanks Dear. I'm doing well. She actually Emailed me a few months back. We traded a few Emails. She seems happy. She was out of work for 1.5 years and found a great job.

We were actually going to meet up but she didn't like my idea of coffee. Oh well. No biggie. She might be mad at me, her friends might say to her I'm a a-hole, BUT at least I'm not an enabler.

I learned a great life lesson from this whole experience. Whenever I meet girls who say they're big drinkers I just mentally cross them off now. No way I want someone like that in my life again!!

How are you doing these days Dear?

Notahappyhour

Thanks for asking DeaR and Happy New Year to everyone. I would say for the most part I have been feeling much better about the breakup and trying to get my life back on track. For some time I hated the new home I built, felt sorry for myself about my situation but to my shame I did little to correct it. To date I have since, redecorated my home (elimating past memories in the process), established new friendships and have started to date... cautiously mind you. It will take some time before it's ever the same as it was, because I do have the "what if's" in the back of my mind when I meet someone, however I am strong enough to know that I have to stop living in the past. Which is hard to say for a guy that still love 80's music. But life is short and it's better to have loved and lose love than to have never loved at all. So now I know what and whom I'm looking for when the right person comes along. Right now I'm just working on rebuilding myself, my career and enjoying great friendships. I smile more, I laugh more, I appreciate life. I was at a point where it didn't matter if I live or died to be honest with you. But I have too much to live for and you should never live for someone, only want them in your life. Have a terrific 2012. I'm going to make certain to do the same.

artygirl

Thank you Not a happy a Hour,

My XABF and I have been broken up for 6 months now and I started reading this forum when you were going through difficult times with you ExAF. The holidays were tough for me but I am doing better and moving on. I haven't started dating again and I think it will be awhile for me. My XABF has a new Gf already. It hurts but I know that I couldn't go on the way things were. He is her problem now.

I am glad you are moving on. Your life will be better because of it. A friend told me today that LOVE is an inside job. In other words you have to love yourself first.

Great advice...

Best wishes and Happy New Year

Notahappyhour

Update...Today I really wish I could change my username to something far more positive. 2012 has been an amazing year in my life and it's all because I removed someone that was harmful to me and my future out of it in 2011. So far I have received a promotion a work, can see my way past the mountain of debt I accumulated due to my exaf and am now in a beautiful relationship with an amazing woman. I think my contribution to my ex drinking came at a price that in some way sullied my outlook on life, opinion of relationships and whether I could ever be whole again. I am happy to say that today I couldn't be happier and in some strange way I think, no I know, this site helped me thru it. So many good things have happened in my life that if I were with my exaf, they would've never come my way or would have been destroyed instantaneously.

To all those searching for answers you will find them thru the power of prayer and the support of love ones, family, friends and groups such as this on this very site.

I came to this site as Notahappyhour, I'm leaving happyeveryhour

keltie

SO happy for you, happyeveryhour!

GoodKarma

[QUOTE=...would you like having your chest hurt, stomach ache and nerves be shot everyday? Well, that is what the anxiety of living with an Alcoholic is..that is if you decide to stick around.[/QUOTE]

This is so true! It will literally make you sick living with an alcoholic. There is so much stress...you just cannot believe!