Would you tell teenage son about AH's affair? (please no tough love!)
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
I just went back and read a lot of the other posts here. And really just want to say: there's a difference between telling some one the reason for the divorce and telling some one the reason for the divorce while airing all of the nasty dirty details. Worlds apart.
It's much different to say, "He had an affair and there were other issues with our relationship." than it is to say "He was a cheating, lying alcoholic who _____ and _____."
IF one can discuss the issue without assigning blame or shame, the child is still able to make up his own mind about the other parent, and doesn't have to feel bad about loving his other parent.
It's just really important to keep in mind that kids do identify themselves in kind of a sense of being part like Mom and part like Dad. (I have Mom's eyes, Dad's nose. I like playing in the garden with Mom and riding my bike with Dad.) As my DS says, I was borned by my Mommy and Daddy. I review what I want to say and don't say anything that would make him feel bad about being part like the other parent.
It's much different to say, "He had an affair and there were other issues with our relationship." than it is to say "He was a cheating, lying alcoholic who _____ and _____."
IF one can discuss the issue without assigning blame or shame, the child is still able to make up his own mind about the other parent, and doesn't have to feel bad about loving his other parent.
It's just really important to keep in mind that kids do identify themselves in kind of a sense of being part like Mom and part like Dad. (I have Mom's eyes, Dad's nose. I like playing in the garden with Mom and riding my bike with Dad.) As my DS says, I was borned by my Mommy and Daddy. I review what I want to say and don't say anything that would make him feel bad about being part like the other parent.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
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My gut reaction is to not tell him right away--I think it's a real blow to most kids if they learn that one parent has betrayed the other in that way.
My son's best friend's parents divorced when he was just out of high school. His dad pretty much packed up and left--it was all really quick. The son really went through some rough stuff. He cut his dad off emotionally for 10 years, blaming him for the breakup. The son had started college but dropped out and became a ski bum for a while (he eventually went back to school, but it was years later).
Well, just a couple of months ago, my son told me that this friend was up golfing with his dad--I was surprised. My son explained that one night the son and dad had a real heart-to-heart, and the son learned that the dad left because he caught the mom having a lesbian affair. For years the dad suffered the rejection of his son because he didn't want to divulge the reason for the divorce. On one hand, I thought that was incredibly admirable, but on the other hand, I wonder if the son would have been better off knowing the truth? Maybe he would have benefited from a good relationship with his dad; maybe he never would have dropped out of school. Who knows.. it's all very complex.
So, I think there has to be a way to be prudent with the truth, and causing as little trauma as possible.
My son's best friend's parents divorced when he was just out of high school. His dad pretty much packed up and left--it was all really quick. The son really went through some rough stuff. He cut his dad off emotionally for 10 years, blaming him for the breakup. The son had started college but dropped out and became a ski bum for a while (he eventually went back to school, but it was years later).
Well, just a couple of months ago, my son told me that this friend was up golfing with his dad--I was surprised. My son explained that one night the son and dad had a real heart-to-heart, and the son learned that the dad left because he caught the mom having a lesbian affair. For years the dad suffered the rejection of his son because he didn't want to divulge the reason for the divorce. On one hand, I thought that was incredibly admirable, but on the other hand, I wonder if the son would have been better off knowing the truth? Maybe he would have benefited from a good relationship with his dad; maybe he never would have dropped out of school. Who knows.. it's all very complex.
So, I think there has to be a way to be prudent with the truth, and causing as little trauma as possible.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
In reading about the effects of divorce on children and how important it is not to speak badly of the other parent, I learned that this is because the kids think that they are a "part" of each parent. In other words, when you insult your ex, you insult the child, because they feel like they are part of them. I have tried (although not always succeeded) to keep that in mind when I speak to my kids about their dad.
My vote is a resounding NO.
My vote is a resounding NO.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I think there are a lot of good, thoughtful responses from both "camps" here, too. I can see either approach has its merits--particularly when we are talking about a 15-y/o as opposed to, say, an 8 y/o.
Just to throw in a couple of other considerations--it might depend on the maturity and emotional stability of the child (some can handle things better than others), whether the "other person" is likely to remain in the other parent's life, whether everybody else and their brother already know what happened so it is bound to be the topic of conversation... All those things could factor into making one decision or the other.
I think if it is disclosed, it should be without unnecessarily vilifying the straying parent. It's enough to say that it hurt the marriage enough so it couldn't be mended.
Interesting--I thought it was a no-brainer until I read some of the other responses.
Just to throw in a couple of other considerations--it might depend on the maturity and emotional stability of the child (some can handle things better than others), whether the "other person" is likely to remain in the other parent's life, whether everybody else and their brother already know what happened so it is bound to be the topic of conversation... All those things could factor into making one decision or the other.
I think if it is disclosed, it should be without unnecessarily vilifying the straying parent. It's enough to say that it hurt the marriage enough so it couldn't be mended.
Interesting--I thought it was a no-brainer until I read some of the other responses.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
whereisthisgoin -
I'm glad to read you're going to pray on it
and make the decision from a more balanced state of mind.
That's crucial, IMO
if it's not a life endangering situation -
the necessity for rational action is utmost.
good for you.
I'm glad to read you're going to pray on it
and make the decision from a more balanced state of mind.
That's crucial, IMO
if it's not a life endangering situation -
the necessity for rational action is utmost.
good for you.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Managua, Nicaragua
Posts: 135
One of the reasons I left my daughter's father was that he cheated on me. She was two and is now four, obviously she has never asked me, nor would I tell her any time soon. I have imagined that someday she will ask me, and I think I agree with Cyronoak, no lies, no sugar coat, just the basics of what happened. I will also be honest about my codependent behavior and the relationship in general. I hope that sharing that with her at the right time will help her be healthy and strong in her relationships. It is important how it is communicated.
My mom divorced my dad due to alcoholism and infidelity before I was 3, she always, even to this day, LOVES to put him down.Over 30 years have passed and she won't let it go. I have told her how much I do not like it, but she just seems to think it is her right. My dad would never dream of being derogatory about my mom. It is not an easy situation and won't/hasn't been easy for your son to have an A for a Dad anyway. Maybe you can offer your son the opportunity to speak to a counselor or go to alateen or get some type of support.
My mom divorced my dad due to alcoholism and infidelity before I was 3, she always, even to this day, LOVES to put him down.Over 30 years have passed and she won't let it go. I have told her how much I do not like it, but she just seems to think it is her right. My dad would never dream of being derogatory about my mom. It is not an easy situation and won't/hasn't been easy for your son to have an A for a Dad anyway. Maybe you can offer your son the opportunity to speak to a counselor or go to alateen or get some type of support.
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
Originally Posted by Darklight 
I had a different experience.
My mother had an affair that resulted in me being born. My father was not my biological father. From looking at both of us, it was pretty obvious, and I suspected as much when I was 13.
When I asked about it at age 16, both of them lied to me. When I later found out the truth, I was VERY angry at both of them for lying and decieving me practically my whole life.
In retrospect, I wish they had told me the truth up front. I may have been upset, but I would've come to terms with it.
In the case given by the OP, I think 15 is old enough to comprehend what happened and to make their own decision about it. Or, conversely, if the OP doesn't say what happened, I think she should admit the truth if asked about it by the kid.
Lying to your children, including lying by ommision, completely shatters the trust that your children may have in you. -- Think about the possible consequences of that later down the road.
My mother had an affair that resulted in me being born. My father was not my biological father. From looking at both of us, it was pretty obvious, and I suspected as much when I was 13.
When I asked about it at age 16, both of them lied to me. When I later found out the truth, I was VERY angry at both of them for lying and decieving me practically my whole life.
In retrospect, I wish they had told me the truth up front. I may have been upset, but I would've come to terms with it.
In the case given by the OP, I think 15 is old enough to comprehend what happened and to make their own decision about it. Or, conversely, if the OP doesn't say what happened, I think she should admit the truth if asked about it by the kid.
Lying to your children, including lying by ommision, completely shatters the trust that your children may have in you. -- Think about the possible consequences of that later down the road.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 428
Wow this is a hard one. I can logically agree to both sides of this. Given his age I would have to say that I lean towards telling him if he does ask. This is crushing for you and that is something that I'm sure is very hard to hide from him. I believe it would give him the understanding of why you are in so much emotional pain.
Now let me also say that my dad had two affairs (that I know of) while my mom was still alive. I was a teenager when the last one happened and I was about 15. My parents were the types who yelled and screamed (dad is an A) when they were mad at each other. I have no clue if I was told or I just over heard what was going on. What I do remember was wanting to help my mom through it and to this day I am still okay with being there for her. I remember talking to my dad as he was putting things in his car to leave. I remember placing myself right in the middle of it, but I had been there many times before so I didn't really mind being in the middle again (if there is such a thing as a kid codie that was me). It just sucked that my family was so dysfunctional. Being told or not told really didn't matter...things were already wrong anyway.
Now let me also say that my dad had two affairs (that I know of) while my mom was still alive. I was a teenager when the last one happened and I was about 15. My parents were the types who yelled and screamed (dad is an A) when they were mad at each other. I have no clue if I was told or I just over heard what was going on. What I do remember was wanting to help my mom through it and to this day I am still okay with being there for her. I remember talking to my dad as he was putting things in his car to leave. I remember placing myself right in the middle of it, but I had been there many times before so I didn't really mind being in the middle again (if there is such a thing as a kid codie that was me). It just sucked that my family was so dysfunctional. Being told or not told really didn't matter...things were already wrong anyway.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: INDIANA
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i have a 17 y old son. when he was 15 y old he decided he wanted to go live with his dad. he said my rules were too strict and that he needed to see what his dad was like. he also had a girlfriend in the same town and wanted to go to school with her.
I was very upset, hurt and afriad. My parents were very upset and afraid. My parents wanted to tell my son all about his dad. They wanted to show my son the Family Services paperwork that stated how his dad used to have supervised visitation with him when he was too small to remember. The copies of the interviews with his dad where his dad admitted to having affairs on me, physically abusing me, locking the son in his room and my son beating holes through the door to get out, along with pictures of said door. This interview had his dad admitting to cocaine use, being susidial.The interview had my son telling the case worker stuff dad had done or said to him that was wrong. My mom wanted to tell my son about the time when he was 4 y old and she found him ready to step off a kitchen chair with a mini blind cord around his neck because "i am going to kill my self like daddy had tried to do to himself before". My parents wanted to tell him how his dad had had 18 jobs in 15 years. They wanted to tell him every bad thing his dad had ever done.
Since his father had been through mental health counceling, stopped drug use and had got his visitation back to unsupervised by the time my son was 7 y old he does not remember any of this. His dad has married the lady he was having an affair on me with and she has a daughter with him. His new wife is actually a good person and I trust her to protect my son and her kids. His dad is not perfect but i felt that my son would be safe there and smart enough to call if he wasn't.I let him go live with dad and I forbid my parents to tell him anything and trust in GOD to protect my son.I felt if myself or my parents told my son these bad, but ture, things about his dad he would never forgive us.
It was hard.Probably the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. But it turned out to be the right thing to do. He soon formed his own opinion of who his father is. He had figured out what and who his dad is. A couple of months ago he did the math and realized that his sister was concieved before I even left his dad. I didn't have to tell him. He has figured out on is own that his dad is immature and irresponsible. He has figured out that when the chips are down he wants to call mom or grandma and grandpa. He discusses life choices with mom, not dad. If we would have told him all this bad stuff his dad did it could have damaged our realtionship with son. My relationship with my son is good. He and his dad live in the same house and have no relationship, according to my son.
My son still lives with his dad because it is a better school system and he will get more money for college that way. But he now knows the truth and I didn't have to be the one to break his heart.
This is just how my expierence went.
Only you can decide what to do with your son. I wish you luck. Parenting is hard.
I was very upset, hurt and afriad. My parents were very upset and afraid. My parents wanted to tell my son all about his dad. They wanted to show my son the Family Services paperwork that stated how his dad used to have supervised visitation with him when he was too small to remember. The copies of the interviews with his dad where his dad admitted to having affairs on me, physically abusing me, locking the son in his room and my son beating holes through the door to get out, along with pictures of said door. This interview had his dad admitting to cocaine use, being susidial.The interview had my son telling the case worker stuff dad had done or said to him that was wrong. My mom wanted to tell my son about the time when he was 4 y old and she found him ready to step off a kitchen chair with a mini blind cord around his neck because "i am going to kill my self like daddy had tried to do to himself before". My parents wanted to tell him how his dad had had 18 jobs in 15 years. They wanted to tell him every bad thing his dad had ever done.
Since his father had been through mental health counceling, stopped drug use and had got his visitation back to unsupervised by the time my son was 7 y old he does not remember any of this. His dad has married the lady he was having an affair on me with and she has a daughter with him. His new wife is actually a good person and I trust her to protect my son and her kids. His dad is not perfect but i felt that my son would be safe there and smart enough to call if he wasn't.I let him go live with dad and I forbid my parents to tell him anything and trust in GOD to protect my son.I felt if myself or my parents told my son these bad, but ture, things about his dad he would never forgive us.
It was hard.Probably the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. But it turned out to be the right thing to do. He soon formed his own opinion of who his father is. He had figured out what and who his dad is. A couple of months ago he did the math and realized that his sister was concieved before I even left his dad. I didn't have to tell him. He has figured out on is own that his dad is immature and irresponsible. He has figured out that when the chips are down he wants to call mom or grandma and grandpa. He discusses life choices with mom, not dad. If we would have told him all this bad stuff his dad did it could have damaged our realtionship with son. My relationship with my son is good. He and his dad live in the same house and have no relationship, according to my son.
My son still lives with his dad because it is a better school system and he will get more money for college that way. But he now knows the truth and I didn't have to be the one to break his heart.
This is just how my expierence went.
Only you can decide what to do with your son. I wish you luck. Parenting is hard.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 277
Originally Posted by transformyself
Has your son asked if his dad had an affair?
My son certainly has insight into what's going on. I sleep in the room next to his. On Father's Day weekend, that Saturday, AH left for the beach before my son woke up and returned from the beach around 9pm when my son was stretched out on the couch in front of the tv, winding down for the day.
Earlier my son and I decided we were going to get Father's Day cards, so as not to fuel the fire (my son's words). Cards on mornings of celebrations/holidays are sort of a custom of ours. He and I had a difficult time selecting a card that matched our sentiment.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Ugh. Ok, well lemme tell you what I did. Just so you know what NOT to do.
When I first found out, I took my AH's boots, clothes from the closet, guitars, coats, books and anything else that belonged to him that I could get my hands on, and threw them out the front door onto the lawn. I also called the police and screamed, "you better get over her and get this em effer because I'm going to kill him."
That's how my 11 year old son found out that his father had an affair. Isn't that delightful?
If I were able to do a Do-Over, I would have left, gone to my sisters house, freaked out there, and come back to explain calmly to my husband that he needed to move out or I would kill him.
I don't blame myself, (anymore) for flipping out, and my son told me later that he understood because "you're not suppose to get a girlfriend when you're married."
So yeah, don't do that. I would also not recommend telling him the gory details of your divorce. Not until he asks point blank, then I would use a pre-fabricated statement, much like the one you're asking for here. It's better to be armed with what you want to say if he asks you straight out, then caught off guard.
I would say, "as you know your father and I are having some real problems and we're getting divorced. But we love you very much, we will still be your parents, we're not divorcing you, and it's not your fault, bla bla bla." All that stuff. Over and over again. Cause our kids really need to know that it's NOT their fault, they didn't cause it and can't cure it-the divorce that is.
But going into details about the affair is a huge no no in my books. Not his problem, not his business. He's going to have enough to deal with from the divorce.
Also, a family therapist or trusted Elder can be a great person for your son to talk with. Do you have any family members who are not totally screwed up that he can go stay with for a little while? The reason I ask is because my biological family doesn't currently offer any of those really stable. folks. We're all dysfunctional as the day is long...
When I first found out, I took my AH's boots, clothes from the closet, guitars, coats, books and anything else that belonged to him that I could get my hands on, and threw them out the front door onto the lawn. I also called the police and screamed, "you better get over her and get this em effer because I'm going to kill him."
That's how my 11 year old son found out that his father had an affair. Isn't that delightful?
If I were able to do a Do-Over, I would have left, gone to my sisters house, freaked out there, and come back to explain calmly to my husband that he needed to move out or I would kill him.
I don't blame myself, (anymore) for flipping out, and my son told me later that he understood because "you're not suppose to get a girlfriend when you're married."
So yeah, don't do that. I would also not recommend telling him the gory details of your divorce. Not until he asks point blank, then I would use a pre-fabricated statement, much like the one you're asking for here. It's better to be armed with what you want to say if he asks you straight out, then caught off guard.
I would say, "as you know your father and I are having some real problems and we're getting divorced. But we love you very much, we will still be your parents, we're not divorcing you, and it's not your fault, bla bla bla." All that stuff. Over and over again. Cause our kids really need to know that it's NOT their fault, they didn't cause it and can't cure it-the divorce that is.
But going into details about the affair is a huge no no in my books. Not his problem, not his business. He's going to have enough to deal with from the divorce.
Also, a family therapist or trusted Elder can be a great person for your son to talk with. Do you have any family members who are not totally screwed up that he can go stay with for a little while? The reason I ask is because my biological family doesn't currently offer any of those really stable. folks. We're all dysfunctional as the day is long...
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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transformmyself, thanks for sharing your story!! I so want to make a scene - especially if he leaves early for the beach again this Sunday. But I won't, just in my head, maybe. 
I went for a long run on Saturday and have been clearing my mind on how best to deal with this. Luckily I've had three days to let the steam out of my ears. My decision is to be calm, yet decisive - no rehashing of anything. This is over, now let's move swiftly because it's best for all involved. Buh-bye.
I think we should tell our son together - "Your Dad and I have come to the decision.." and all the appropriate things that go with it. I think we'll leave the affair out of it unless he point blanks asks. Certainly won't drag him through the dirty details. I know it will be difficult for our son but I also know that at some time, sooner or later, he's going to feel some relief just from having the alcohol (and alcoholic) out of our daily lives.
I love all the replies - keep 'em coming if you want to share. I'm all ears.
I went for a long run on Saturday and have been clearing my mind on how best to deal with this. Luckily I've had three days to let the steam out of my ears. My decision is to be calm, yet decisive - no rehashing of anything. This is over, now let's move swiftly because it's best for all involved. Buh-bye. I think we should tell our son together - "Your Dad and I have come to the decision.." and all the appropriate things that go with it. I think we'll leave the affair out of it unless he point blanks asks. Certainly won't drag him through the dirty details. I know it will be difficult for our son but I also know that at some time, sooner or later, he's going to feel some relief just from having the alcohol (and alcoholic) out of our daily lives.
I love all the replies - keep 'em coming if you want to share. I'm all ears.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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Originally Posted by Jazzman
What would be your honest motivation for telling your son? To point out the bad guy or to provide justification? Just asking..
The other part is my baggage and I have to release / surrender it. At this moment, I want to tell anyone and everyone that my A had an affair. But that only gives me temporary relief and actually gives people more things to talk about. If I dig deeper, I just want my A removed, my son and I to move on in a healthy manner - and my A and my son to maintain a relationship.
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
Originally Posted by whereisthisgoin
Well, it's a big part of the "Why now?" question. We have lived with the alcoholic antics and have been discussing them together for over a year now. I like the idea of waiting until my son asks, if he even does ask.
The other part is my baggage and I have to release / surrender it. At this moment, I want to tell anyone and everyone that my A had an affair. But that only gives me temporary relief and actually gives people more things to talk about. If I dig deeper, I just want my A removed, my son and I to move on in a healthy manner - and my A and my son to maintain a relationship.
The other part is my baggage and I have to release / surrender it. At this moment, I want to tell anyone and everyone that my A had an affair. But that only gives me temporary relief and actually gives people more things to talk about. If I dig deeper, I just want my A removed, my son and I to move on in a healthy manner - and my A and my son to maintain a relationship.
I am so relieved at reading this thought process only because I really could relate to this on several levels.
My bio-dad the alcoholic who nominated me into this ACOA life, had the affair with his secretary. I was 13 when I was working in the office and figured it out when I was balancing his business credit card statements. There were flowers and hotels and things that I knew he didn't buy for my mother. I worked there on summer break and other school holidays.
I knew about it when I was 13.
My mom finally came to the conscious realization when I was 16. For three years, I'd hoped she would clue in, but I didn't feel safe telling her what I knew. The dynamic in my house was, well an alcoholic household. What was up was really down. You get the picture.
When Mom verbalized to me about the affair, she said, "Did you know your Dad is having an affair with his secretary?"
Relieved, I blew out air and said, "Finally, you know. Now what are you going to do?"
She screeched at me, "YOU MEAN YOU KNEW AND DIDN'T TELL ME?"
I calmly answered my mother, "I thought that you knew on some level and that you were handling your marriage yourself. Now, it is my thought that you should probably divorce Dad and stop all this insanity. We're all going crazy here."
Yes, I was 16.
Later in life, I was 6 weeks pregnant and announced to my then-husband, "YEA!!! We're going to have a baby!!"
He was not an alcoholic but had other issues, I guess. He kind of freaked out.
A couple days later, I received a phone call from his girlfriend telling me of the wonderful affair they'd had the past 18 months. She wanted to be with her 'dream man', blah, blah, blah. She was able to provide times and dates that matched up, and I knew it was true.
I made my decision then not to drag my sweet, innocent baby into a mess like that, so we were divorced right after the baby was born.
Now that baby is almost 11 years old. Throughout his life, he's asked me what happened between his dad and me. I always answer things like, "He made some decisions that were not good for our family, and we had to divorce." But I have not told him about the other woman (at the time...ex has gone through 11 in the past 11 years). I do not talk negatively about his bio-dad because I know a child's identity comes from both parents.
I remember telling my Mom to stop raging around about my dad because I was Half Him, and that she was insulting me in the process. I knew my dad was a bad person, and I did not condone his behavior. I just didn't need anyone, including her, telling me about it.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Skipper your story is amazing! You were one together teenager, that's for sure.
Yes. Let me, once again, help you decide what to do by showing you what not to do.
When I learned of my AH affair, I hadn't found Al-anon and I was a freaking mess. I couldn't function initially, I cried in the gas station and told strangers. I truly can't believe it now, but I also have PTSD from my childhood, and this triggered it badly.
Now a days I have the option of not reacting to his antics, through various protections and self care programs, but I certainly didn't possess that ability at that time. That was 2008, it's kind of nice to look back and see how far I've come.
If you've got the ability to out class him, then do it I say. I would also make sure to take lots of time for myself, even sign up at SurvivingInfidelity.com - Support for those affected by Infidelity or get into therapy or start kickboxing 12 times a day or whatever you need to massively take back your life. Whatever works for you Sister.
Skippers story shows how grace and dignity can make everyone's life easier. I prefer that route now a days, but like I said, this is all about your ability level.
I am sorry about this by the way. It stinks.
At this moment, I want to tell anyone and everyone that my A had an affair. But that only gives me temporary relief and actually gives people more things to talk about.
When I learned of my AH affair, I hadn't found Al-anon and I was a freaking mess. I couldn't function initially, I cried in the gas station and told strangers. I truly can't believe it now, but I also have PTSD from my childhood, and this triggered it badly.
Now a days I have the option of not reacting to his antics, through various protections and self care programs, but I certainly didn't possess that ability at that time. That was 2008, it's kind of nice to look back and see how far I've come.
If you've got the ability to out class him, then do it I say. I would also make sure to take lots of time for myself, even sign up at SurvivingInfidelity.com - Support for those affected by Infidelity or get into therapy or start kickboxing 12 times a day or whatever you need to massively take back your life. Whatever works for you Sister.
Skippers story shows how grace and dignity can make everyone's life easier. I prefer that route now a days, but like I said, this is all about your ability level.
I am sorry about this by the way. It stinks.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
My ex husband and I agreed when we decided to end our marriage that we would never do anything to hurt our children. And we have not. Neither of us has ever spoken badly about the other. We maintain a united front in all matters regarding the kids (they are now 20 and 17). And believe me, they tried to work the angle of playing one off the other. No deal.
I want my children to have a wonderful relationship with their father, unfettered by any of the mistakes that were made during the marriage. I can do that for them.
I don't resent him, I am glad to be on my own and out of the marriage. It wasn't really working for me anyway, and I would have stayed too long if events did not occur to force my hand.
I wish you the best, you and your son.
I want my children to have a wonderful relationship with their father, unfettered by any of the mistakes that were made during the marriage. I can do that for them.
I don't resent him, I am glad to be on my own and out of the marriage. It wasn't really working for me anyway, and I would have stayed too long if events did not occur to force my hand.
I wish you the best, you and your son.
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