codependents attract narcissists and vice versa why?
 

from the point of view of the codependent what is the purpose of being drawn to people that remind us of our abuser. what is our psyche trying to achieve

My guess? Closure.
Maybe this time I'll get it right, and it will be the happy ending that I always wanted.
Maybe this is the one!

But life doesn't work that way.
If we seek out unhealthy relationships so we can "fix" them, we're still going to get stepped on.
Instead we need to fix ourselves so that we can have healthy relationships!

I believe there's potential to be both predator and prey.
Predator to fix issues that have gone unresolved from our past.
Prey because we'll bend over backwards for people. Perhaps an alcoholic psychosis knows this and seeks out codies.

I reckon some of the double winners can shed a bit more insight on this versus my own personal opinion.

I think that for me, and perhaps many of us, we didn't get into these unhealthy relationships realizing they were unhealthy.

If you grow up with a narcissistic or addict or personality disordered parent or parents then that's your normal.

When I met my AH I felt the same things I felt at times growing up (hurt, confused, deceived) but my brain was wired from a young age to believe (and it's only been about a year since I started seeing things for what they really are instead of living in the fog that has been my whole life with sick individuals) that these nasty behaviors were occuring and hurting me BECAUSE I was doing something to cause it.

Knowing what I know now I wouldn't have married my AH. But I wasn't the person I am now back then. And frankly, had he not gotten a lot worse over recent years I might never have started looking for answers outside of myself.

I've spent my life trying to fix me to make things better around me and once I started learning that it wasn't all because of me and I couldn't fix, cause, control etc.... what others did and that it wasn't because of me that others were f'ed up, that's when I started getting healthier.