wywriter

Okay, in the midst of trying to get out of a really horribly low mood this evening (after yet another unprovoked tirade of name-calling as my AH was heading for bed), I finally looked up Alanon meetings. It turns out there are four in my small town, and two of them are held late enough in the evening that he will usually be passed out by time I go. Obviously I can't leave baby at home, but I don't want to risk her being disruptive to other people at the meetings either. I don't have anyone I can leave her with. For people who have some experience with Alanon, do other people sometimes bring babies/small children to the meetings? How are they generally accepted? My daughter is well-behaved most of the time, but sometimes very vocal...she's 7 months old and wants to make sure the whole world knows her thoughts .

justjo

Mmm, Im not sure. When I went to family meetings I took my 10yr old nephew and 12yr old neice. The people there loved seeing them.
Id just check it out.

LexieCat

Some meetings offer childcare--they should be noted in the meeting list or you can call your local Al-Anon office and ask.

Depends on the group how they handle it. In general, most people are fairly tolerant, though as anywhere it is considered polite to take the baby outside if she becomes noisy and distracting.

GettingBy

There's a double-winner that comes to my Friday morning meeting with her baby (3-4 months old maybe?!)... it's not an issue at all. The baby sits in the carseat - makes squeaks and squawks every now and again - and nobody minds.

What matters is that Mom is with us getting the recovery she needs.

sojourner

The policies and procedures of Alanon spell that out. Anyone can come to Alanon who is mature enough to sit at a table and participate. So that excludes babies and children who are not yet mature enough to sit at a table and share (or pass if they choose).

But I have been at Alanon meetings where people have had to bring their babies. It's not a weekly thing. I remember one mom was from out of town. When the baby gets loud, it's time to leave the room until he/she calms down.

But I did quit going to a meeting (not Alanon) where one mom was allowed to bring her toddler who crawled under our chairs and incessantly bugged his mother. People did not like it but did not want to be honest about it. Then another mom thought, "hey, why should I pay a babysitter when I can just bring my child here for free?" and brought her toddler. When I walked in and saw the second child, I just turned around and walked out.

Latte

Some of the larger meetings have childcare (right on site). I agree with the others, make some calls. If you are not in a very remote location, there should be something in your area. My experience was that they were at the larger meetings.

wywriter

Thank you everyone for the input, I'll make some calls . Of course I'll take her out if she gets disruptive, but I honestly don't see how it won't be a weekly thing, which is what concerns me. The only way I can leave her at home is if her father isn't drinking, and in those rare events I probably wouldn't be going to the meeting anyway. We are in a pretty remote location -- there is no central office, the only meetings are the ones set up by concerned individuals (I know three of them, they're pastors...I suspect the other is probably affiliated with the VA). I'll call around and see what happens -- sadly, it is the one deciding factor about whether or not I can go.

StarCat

I'd say by all means, bring the baby, since it sounds like you'll be respectful to the others in the meeting if she becomes disruptive.

If the members object to her being there, then that's not the meeting for you, that's all.

My kitten came to the meeting with me once (a bit of a long story). Everyone loved seeing her there at the beginning. She started becoming talkative halfway through, so she spent the rest of the meeting in the carrier in the hallway with a toy I had brought for her (not an option to leave a child unattended in a hallway, of course! But still - you get the idea).