Still learning to detach but slowly getting the hang of it

Old 06-22-2011, 07:59 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Australia
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Still learning to detach but slowly getting the hang of it

Over the past few weeks of coming to the realisation of my life. I have been focusing more on myself.

This has been going well however the last week or so AW has gotten more depressed and augmentative over small crap, which is to be expected.

I've done my best to stay calm not retaliate and ignore her when she starts to argue over the useless points. eg. I say something happened at 2 am because I checked the time. and she says no its was 11, ignoring the fact that preceding event that she was a part of made her time frame impossible without a delorean.

The main problem has been her depression. she has been depressed and thinking about ending her life, i know i need to keep focusing on myself but its hard to do when the quacking is about something like this.

I have been through the suicide thing before myself, i was given 5 % change of surviving and not becoming a vegitable, but i beat the odds.

Everytime she says she is un happy with her life and wants to change it i tell her "change it then"
"but I don't know how"
"yes you do, and if you don't think you know, then you decide"

Basically I have been listening as much as I can and doing my best to get her to make any decisions to change, after all its her choice.

but with the whole suicide thing it makes it that much harder.

Thanks to reading the book Co dependant no more i can also see that she is a codie also, but she is a codie to her animals (2 cats and a dog)and a codie to her friends from the past, both sexual and not.

i dont know what the next step is.

at what point do i say enough is enough.
She knows i am working on myself at the moment.
I am setting boundaries and sticking to a lot of them.

I guess the time is coming where im going forward and she is staying still.
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Old 06-22-2011, 08:57 PM
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MeredithD1's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
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When you care about someone, one of the ultimate hard things is when they devalue their lives.

My MIL, who divorced her first husband largely due to his A, told me that when she moved out, he told each of their three children that he would kill himself if she divorced him. She made an appointment for him to get psychiatric help. It did help.

Maybe you want to consider professional intervention? since talk of suicide is serious enough in and of itself to warrant some type of psychiatric evaluation?
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Old 06-22-2011, 08:59 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Australia
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but would me getting professional help for her be me making her descision for her?
is this something that she has to seek out on her own?

stupid depressant alcohol ruining everything and making it hard.
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Old 06-22-2011, 09:19 PM
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Location: Colorado Springs, CO
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Sometimes, especially with life or death stuff, we must intervene. That is NOT being co dependent. If someone on the side of the road talked about suicide I would call 911, why should it be any different for the ones we love?
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