A mother's heart...
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
A mother's heart...
I was sitting here wondering, as the mother of a beautiful, talented, yet codependent 23-year-old daughter, if one were to go to a fabric store, what would a mother's heart be made of?
It would certainly have to be durable, able to weather rough conditions for sure, canvas maybe?
What fabric would pride be? Gosh I watched my daughter last year as the equine drill team did their half time routine at the state's largest night time rodeo, and my heart swelled with pride. She had dreamed of joining that team for years.
I watch her do the backbreaking work of being a farrier now, sweat rolling off of her brow, doing such a professional job with a personal touch, and my heart swells with pride. I think it would need to be stretchy fabric, yes? It would have to be able to expand with that pride.
What fabric would joy be? I watch my daughter ride for the pure pleasure of riding on a horse she has trained from the ground up, and the joy is contagious! I find myself reveling in the sheer act of just being, of experiencing life in the fullest sense. I think the fabric would be bright, colorful, silky in nature perhaps?
What fabric would sadness be? I see this beautiful young lady settle for so much less than what she deserves, only to be belittled, blamed, and spoken harshly to, and my heart squeezes up into a ball that hurts. I witnessed firsthand one of the ugly fights that unfolded between her and the EXABF, and it took every fiber of my being not to jump up and punch him in the smart mouth, and wipe her tears away. I don't know what fabric that is. Do you?
What fabric would sadness be?
My heart hurts today.
It would certainly have to be durable, able to weather rough conditions for sure, canvas maybe?
What fabric would pride be? Gosh I watched my daughter last year as the equine drill team did their half time routine at the state's largest night time rodeo, and my heart swelled with pride. She had dreamed of joining that team for years.
I watch her do the backbreaking work of being a farrier now, sweat rolling off of her brow, doing such a professional job with a personal touch, and my heart swells with pride. I think it would need to be stretchy fabric, yes? It would have to be able to expand with that pride.
What fabric would joy be? I watch my daughter ride for the pure pleasure of riding on a horse she has trained from the ground up, and the joy is contagious! I find myself reveling in the sheer act of just being, of experiencing life in the fullest sense. I think the fabric would be bright, colorful, silky in nature perhaps?
What fabric would sadness be? I see this beautiful young lady settle for so much less than what she deserves, only to be belittled, blamed, and spoken harshly to, and my heart squeezes up into a ball that hurts. I witnessed firsthand one of the ugly fights that unfolded between her and the EXABF, and it took every fiber of my being not to jump up and punch him in the smart mouth, and wipe her tears away. I don't know what fabric that is. Do you?
What fabric would sadness be?
My heart hurts today.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Originally Posted by Darklight 
Who is the codependent again?
Your daughter is her own person and needs to learn her own life lessons. You can't teach them to her, no matter how painful it is to watch.
Your daughter is her own person and needs to learn her own life lessons. You can't teach them to her, no matter how painful it is to watch.
I am certainly under no illusion that I can "teach" her either, other than working my own program.
I wrote this because part of being a mother is having a hurting heart sometimes.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
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Freedom, what you wrote is beautiful! I could feel all the emotions as you wrote them.
I don't know what material would be sadness. A dark color, I think, and something that looks like it's ready to rip in two at any moment, but miraculously doesn't.
I can imagine how difficult this must be for you, watching from the sidelines, wishing you could fix things but knowing there's nothing you can do except be there for your daughter when she's finally ready.
You are a great mother, and a wonderful person.
We're here for you.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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:ghug3 DeVon, I'm sorry your heart is hurting. Your daughter has worked so hard for her new career as a farrier! What an accomplishment!!! Hmmmm.....seems like she has that in common with her mama!!!
Huge hugs and many prayers, HG
Huge hugs and many prayers, HG
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(((( DeVon ))))
I think it would be a well worn fabric....made from a fragile but strong cloth and perhaps joined with others into a quilt...
I'm glad your daughter has a mother who is such a fine example of recovery. When I read your post I kept thinking of that phrase..."The family situation is bound to improve as we apply the Al-Anon ideas"
What fabric would sadness be?
I'm glad your daughter has a mother who is such a fine example of recovery. When I read your post I kept thinking of that phrase..."The family situation is bound to improve as we apply the Al-Anon ideas"
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Such an eloquent post. I'm a mother but my children are small. I'm beginning to realize how easy they are right now. Sadness must be a woven fabric no? One where strands and tatters are woven together to form a complicated, worn, yet strong fabric. I do not see sadness as weak and almost torn.
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DeVon, that was poetry and it was beautiful. I see lace as sadness. Intricate, delicate, semitransparent, yet strong.
I'm Comanche, though, and my buffalo spirit would have got the best of me. It's fabric is a gnarly hide with horns and it smells foul. I hope and pray I'm never in the same position.
I'm Comanche, though, and my buffalo spirit would have got the best of me. It's fabric is a gnarly hide with horns and it smells foul. I hope and pray I'm never in the same position.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
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Ahhhhh, I can only imagine the sadness that only a mother can feel when she sees her precious child going through something bad or making poor choices. I think the fabric for sadness would be a well worn terry cloth...something that's not that pretty, but absorbs all of the pain, sadness and tears so you can deal with the sadness and yet move forward.
Hope things get better soon.
Hope things get better soon.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Hugs, DeVon,
I was hurting for my son last week. This week, things are looking brighter. It won't stay bright, not all the time, but I'm happy for his success, and hope it turns out well for him. But there's nothing I can do to make that happen.
Very hard to see our children short-change themselves.
Hopefully, Amber will someday be stronger for these painful experiences, just as we are.
I was hurting for my son last week. This week, things are looking brighter. It won't stay bright, not all the time, but I'm happy for his success, and hope it turns out well for him. But there's nothing I can do to make that happen.
Very hard to see our children short-change themselves.
Hopefully, Amber will someday be stronger for these painful experiences, just as we are.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
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Beautiful analogy DeVon!
I was thinking Hefty bags. Serious!
Something tuff and durable, expands with the load, carries more love than imagined, resistant to extreme temperature changes, but - alas, it too can be broken.
Thank you for sharing with us
Hugs
I was thinking Hefty bags. Serious!
Something tuff and durable, expands with the load, carries more love than imagined, resistant to extreme temperature changes, but - alas, it too can be broken.
Thank you for sharing with us
Hugs
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hi lovely lady & ladies
Im one of those who understands you hun. Well, the first thing that came to mind for me.
Sadness -' my pillowcase ' usually made from cotton/polyester. This is the place where most of my tears fall.
JJ
Im one of those who understands you hun. Well, the first thing that came to mind for me.
Sadness -' my pillowcase ' usually made from cotton/polyester. This is the place where most of my tears fall.
JJ
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Freedom: Your post made me cry I don't know I just imagined how I would feel and how I have felt when going through health scares (like a cancer scare I got) with the family far away physically and/or emotionally.
It hurts. I am so sorry I also believe you've gone through major changes and stressful situations lately, and may be feeling more vulnerable.
I was thinking, my humble opinion.. my relation with dad is bad and I feel sad when he acts in ways that make me feel unloved, but he loves me, its just that he doesn't know a better way to show it...
Darklight I see where you are coming as you have no children; its only human to worry about your children, and that does not mean toxic codependency. IMHO only an iceberg wouldn't feel anything in situations like these. It just human.
I don't have kids but Freedom thanks for sharing your emotions with us, it makes me understand my parents better, and feel more compassion towards them. And towards me. I hope Amber gets it soon, remember HP works in many ways, HP brought me to places and to people with whom I could start healing, I have hope she will wake up too.
I don't know I just imagined how I would feel and how I have felt when going through health scares (like a cancer scare I got) with the family far away physically and/or emotionally. It hurts. I am so sorry
I also believe you've gone through major changes and stressful situations lately, and may be feeling more vulnerable. I was thinking, my humble opinion.. my relation with dad is bad and I feel sad when he acts in ways that make me feel unloved, but he loves me, its just that he doesn't know a better way to show it...
Darklight I see where you are coming as you have no children; its only human to worry about your children, and that does not mean toxic codependency. IMHO only an iceberg wouldn't feel anything in situations like these. It just human.
I don't have kids but Freedom thanks for sharing your emotions with us, it makes me understand my parents better, and feel more compassion towards them. And towards me. I hope Amber gets it soon, remember HP works in many ways, HP brought me to places and to people with whom I could start healing, I have hope she will wake up too.
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What a beautiful post Freedom. Thank you for sharing it with us.
A mother's heart is a beautiful thing. It can hold so much joy and love and pride. And the pain you speak of is something only a mother can understand. I'm reminded of Kahlil Gabrhan:
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
You are a stable bow for your daughter.
She's going to find her way because you've set her off on the right path.
Big hugs to you...
Mary
A mother's heart is a beautiful thing. It can hold so much joy and love and pride. And the pain you speak of is something only a mother can understand. I'm reminded of Kahlil Gabrhan:
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
You are a stable bow for your daughter.
She's going to find her way because you've set her off on the right path.
Big hugs to you...
Mary
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
DeVon, ((((hugs))))
I am a father who watched his daughters weather different yet similar situations. They have each grown into strong adults with their own families. They have become good friends as well as daughters.
To me sadness is a heavy rock that stretches and ends up strengthening the fabrics of our hearts until we decide we don't need it anymore and throw it away.
Your friend,
I am a father who watched his daughters weather different yet similar situations. They have each grown into strong adults with their own families. They have become good friends as well as daughters.
To me sadness is a heavy rock that stretches and ends up strengthening the fabrics of our hearts until we decide we don't need it anymore and throw it away.
Your friend,
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