vent-sober but hanging out with drinking buddy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: NY
Posts: 90
vent-sober but hanging out with drinking buddy
Just want to let of stem. I know there is really nothing I can do about this except for eventually moving out. I'm working overtime and saving up money so I can do that, but it will be several months before I am able to.
Girlfriend has been doing well these past 3 or 4 days. No major mood swings. No drinks. We go to church this morning. Girlfriend sees her drinking buddy. Leaves me to go out with him, supposedly not to drink just to talk. Before they leave to go out her drinking buddy walks up to me and tells me there are consequences to one's actions and that I shouldn't have called the police on my gf. Hello, I called the cops because she was psychotic and I thought she was going to hurt herself. I wasn't trying to ruin her life. Was worried she was suicidal.
The person telling me this is a 60 year old man with no job, who's never held a stable job and has serious relationship issues because he acts like a 16 year old. If my gf keeps drinking she's going to become the female version of him, except for the fact that she has a good job and is in danger of losing it.
And before someone says it, my gf's drinking buddy is a very effeminate gay man and I'm fairly sure there's nothing sexual going on.
Sigh. Why does she make such poor decisions? I'd like to have a good, loving, supportive relationship with her, but don't know if she'll ever be capable of giving me that.
Girlfriend has been doing well these past 3 or 4 days. No major mood swings. No drinks. We go to church this morning. Girlfriend sees her drinking buddy. Leaves me to go out with him, supposedly not to drink just to talk. Before they leave to go out her drinking buddy walks up to me and tells me there are consequences to one's actions and that I shouldn't have called the police on my gf. Hello, I called the cops because she was psychotic and I thought she was going to hurt herself. I wasn't trying to ruin her life. Was worried she was suicidal.
The person telling me this is a 60 year old man with no job, who's never held a stable job and has serious relationship issues because he acts like a 16 year old. If my gf keeps drinking she's going to become the female version of him, except for the fact that she has a good job and is in danger of losing it.
And before someone says it, my gf's drinking buddy is a very effeminate gay man and I'm fairly sure there's nothing sexual going on.
Sigh. Why does she make such poor decisions? I'd like to have a good, loving, supportive relationship with her, but don't know if she'll ever be capable of giving me that.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Drinking buddy is protecting his drinking buddy, that's all.
Don't try to make sense out of it--there is none.
She makes poor decisions because she is sick, and can't make good ones.
Hugs, hope the rest of your day is more peaceful.
Don't try to make sense out of it--there is none.
She makes poor decisions because she is sick, and can't make good ones.
Hugs, hope the rest of your day is more peaceful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: NY
Posts: 90
Oy, am still waiting for her to come home from being out with drinking buddy. Need to see what kind of mood she's in.
Have a security job that requires me to be armed. Never take any weapons home with me. Am working in a different office tomorrow and will need to go to the office I primarily work at today to bring my firearm home today so I can go to work tomorrow at the different office. If gf is in a good mood, I will pick up the weapon, put a trigger lock on it, disassemble it, and hide all the parts and ammo throughout the house and reassemble everything when I am at work in the different security office. If she is in a bad mood, I will have to call out sick so there is no weapon in the house.
She didn't use to drink like this when we first started going out. I would have never gone on a 2nd date with her if she did...
Have a security job that requires me to be armed. Never take any weapons home with me. Am working in a different office tomorrow and will need to go to the office I primarily work at today to bring my firearm home today so I can go to work tomorrow at the different office. If gf is in a good mood, I will pick up the weapon, put a trigger lock on it, disassemble it, and hide all the parts and ammo throughout the house and reassemble everything when I am at work in the different security office. If she is in a bad mood, I will have to call out sick so there is no weapon in the house.
She didn't use to drink like this when we first started going out. I would have never gone on a 2nd date with her if she did...
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,900
Sorry, but that sounds like an impossible situation. I don't understand how her mood affects you going to work. Her mood shouldn't affect you, period.
I recommend Al-anon meetings for you. You need to learn how to detach from her and her moods and learn how to have serenity in your life regardless of what she does. I'd also look at any situation where I could get out sooner rather than later. A roommate, cheap apartment, whatever. Your living arrangements sound like a disaster just waiting to happen.
I recommend Al-anon meetings for you. You need to learn how to detach from her and her moods and learn how to have serenity in your life regardless of what she does. I'd also look at any situation where I could get out sooner rather than later. A roommate, cheap apartment, whatever. Your living arrangements sound like a disaster just waiting to happen.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: By a River
Posts: 83
"If she is in a bad mood, I will have to call out sick so there is no weapon in the house."
This statement is really worrisome. Do you really think she will hurt herself (or someone else) if there is a weapon in the house? If you believe she is suicidal, she needs help right away. Any threats need to be taken seriously.
My AH is an ex-cop and we have many of his weapons in our home...but I never worry about him using them when he has been drinking. He has had to fire a gun in the line of duty, and is very respectful of their power and what they can do.
That being said, you are not responsible for her drinking. You are feeling a desire and an obligation to help her, but you cannot. As long as she chooses to drink, your interactions with her will become increasingly confusing. Her brain will continue to narrow its focus to this meaningless pursuit of pleasure. As a result, her brain's ability to function in reasonable, life-enhancing and life-saving ways will be diminished. But you cannot control that. She will not quit until she is good and ready, despite what you say or do.
You must reaffirm the value of your own life and focus on your own peace of mind --- regardless of what she does.
BTW, welcome to this site...you will find some great information and get great advice here. Keep coming back and reading and sharing - it helps alot.
This statement is really worrisome. Do you really think she will hurt herself (or someone else) if there is a weapon in the house? If you believe she is suicidal, she needs help right away. Any threats need to be taken seriously.
My AH is an ex-cop and we have many of his weapons in our home...but I never worry about him using them when he has been drinking. He has had to fire a gun in the line of duty, and is very respectful of their power and what they can do.
That being said, you are not responsible for her drinking. You are feeling a desire and an obligation to help her, but you cannot. As long as she chooses to drink, your interactions with her will become increasingly confusing. Her brain will continue to narrow its focus to this meaningless pursuit of pleasure. As a result, her brain's ability to function in reasonable, life-enhancing and life-saving ways will be diminished. But you cannot control that. She will not quit until she is good and ready, despite what you say or do.
You must reaffirm the value of your own life and focus on your own peace of mind --- regardless of what she does.
BTW, welcome to this site...you will find some great information and get great advice here. Keep coming back and reading and sharing - it helps alot.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
Sometimes when we are in our situations, we don't see the insanity of what we are doing to cope.
The part about the weapons should be a stark reminder about what you have 'normalized' in your relationship. You do this when there is a child in the home, not a thinking and healthy adult.
If you do think she is suicidal, whether or not there is a gun around won't stop her. If you think she would shoot you, then that is called domestic abuse.
The part about the weapons should be a stark reminder about what you have 'normalized' in your relationship. You do this when there is a child in the home, not a thinking and healthy adult.
If you do think she is suicidal, whether or not there is a gun around won't stop her. If you think she would shoot you, then that is called domestic abuse.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
