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I know it is supposed to not feel good, but this really sucks

Old 06-14-2011, 04:29 PM
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I know it is supposed to not feel good, but this really sucks

Big fights all weekend, he asked me to leave on Saturday and then backtracked all day Sunday.

I told him I was leaving Monday. Sign the lease tomorrow.

It has been unbearable around here. I know he hurts, but I do too.

Today I got "you knew who you married 9 months ago," "I finally have an epiphany in February and you can't hang on?" and "you wasted my time."

That last one hurt the most.

I feel so by myself. Al-Anon meeting got cancelled tonight, so I am on my own. I wrote my mom earlier today and haven't heard back.

Father's Day this weekend and this is my second one without my dad. I would kill to talk to him right now.

I feel like crap. I am sad. I am frustrated. I am hurting.

I really want a break.
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Old 06-14-2011, 04:35 PM
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The break is coming...if you really work it, you'll have the break (which will be painful) that allows you to break THROUGH. To yourself. To your life. To your peace, serenity and joy. We're here...we won't let you fall. Feel these feelings, this pain, it's leading you to healing and will be worth it. You are worth the whole world.
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Old 06-14-2011, 05:06 PM
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Yep when there's no meeting - there's always SR
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Old 06-14-2011, 08:47 PM
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It's so hard when the words they say stick, and hurt so bad. Even when we know they aren't true, it's so hard. He's doing what he needs to do, to put the blame on you. It's so important to him that it all comes down to your fault, you are the bad guy. That's it. There's nothing more to it than that. A desperate attempt to deny his role in how his life has turned out.

But things are going to get better. FOR YOU, the important one. One day at a Time. One hour at a time, if need be. But things will get better. The sooner you get out the better. So much awaits you, if you only knew what your HP has in store for you. He'll never give you more than you can handle, and you're doing really well so far. Keep it up for a bit longer, and relief will come.

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Old 06-14-2011, 09:02 PM
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Hey there Putme...

I've been kind of off the radar lately so I missed your post from last week. Sounds to me like you need to take your marriage, put it in a little "god box" and let it sit for a while. Just let it go for today. You don't need to figure it all out tonight, or even tomorrow.

What you do need to do... is get your focus where it belongs - and that's on you and taking care of YOU. Give yourself some space from your AH. If you can't physically get away, at least stop engaging in those conversations that are too raw and damaging right now. I'm not saying that you stay married... I'm saying give yourself some time. Be patient with yourself and more will be revealed.
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:24 AM
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Originally Posted by GettingBy View Post
Hey there Putme...

I've been kind of off the radar lately so I missed your post from last week. Sounds to me like you need to take your marriage, put it in a little "god box" and let it sit for a while. Just let it go for today. You don't need to figure it all out tonight, or even tomorrow.

What you do need to do... is get your focus where it belongs - and that's on you and taking care of YOU. Give yourself some space from your AH. If you can't physically get away, at least stop engaging in those conversations that are too raw and damaging right now. I'm not saying that you stay married... I'm saying give yourself some time. Be patient with yourself and more will be revealed.
This is great advice. I put my marriage in a box - literally - everything, photos, letters, cards, rings...put it in a box in my nightstand for some other time. Now, I focus on me. He gets to have the space to focus on him. We no longer have those knock-down drag-out weekend long fight sessions. I now know not to engage. And it helps to have my own house to go to.

My RAH can't handle marriage right now. But he also doesn't want to let it go. Ok. Right now, he can have both. We stay married, but we live separately and focus on our own recoveries. We learn new tools for living and put those into practice. I have found my own version of detachment with love and it is really helping. You don't have to end the marriage to get some space to clear your head. Once I was able to grasp that, it made leaving much easier.

Patience - not my strong suit but most important in situations like this.
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:26 AM
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:29 AM
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Putme, I know exactly what you are going through as I went through the same thing exactly 1 month ago. What I can tell you is that since moving out I have gone through some major changes. The chance to focus and work my recovery has been great. As I said in another thread I now find myself being happy for no reason at all.

Put yourself first, you are allowed to and you are worth it.

((((hugs))))
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