Non-abusive alcoholic and fears about being on own

Old 06-14-2011, 09:06 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
The truth be told, a large percentage of people stay in marriages due to fear of being unable to make it on their own and starting over. However, the reality is that it is so much tougher to leave once you have children with an alcoholic.

I spent most of my life first being the daughter of an alcoholic and then married to someone that eventually became an alcoholic while skillfully keeping proof his addiction a secret for many miserable years. Both were a nightmarish roller coaster existance I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

From my experience, once someone is married, has children and perhaps own joint property together, and have their finances entangled, it becomes so much more complicated to move on with your life and leave this toxic alcoholic enviroment behind. Once you have children together ... even if with a divorce, many remain trapped in this unhealthy relationship due to custody arrangements with someone unstable and undependable. There will likely be never ending guilt over your precious children being exposed to the insanity of addiction and endless worry over their long term physical and emotional well being due to custody arrangements. And if the addiction progesses, as it often does, you will likely also lose the financial support needed to help raise your children and keep them in safe neighborhoods with decent schools. This is the sad unfortunate outcome for many trying to parent children with someone addicted to alcohol or drugs.

In a perfect world, we would all love to give our children a stable and loving home with two healthy, happy supportive parents ... unfortunately a situation most unlikely when one parent is an alcoholic. If your wish is to have children and give them the best life you can ... please consider the reality of their future with an alcoholic parent.
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Old 06-14-2011, 12:03 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Hungary
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Others have written down everything I wanted to so just a few things I can add:
My xABF was kind, supportive, loving and gentle all the time. My Dad was like this too and he was an alcoholic too. That's why I've left my xBF. I knew that nothing will change (I was right, he's dead now, he died because of the alcohol and he was SO young).

I loved my Dad and his alcoholism hurt me even more because of this. Because he was kind and loving, I found it really hard to be mad at him when he was drunk. It was killing me to see him every day struggling with his drinking, shaking in the mornings, sick all the time, being in the hospital because of alcohol-related illnesses and finally losing him (cirrhosis). I wanted to be free of worry, I wanted to be far away from him and I wanted to be near him and stay with him. It was a terrible situation to be in. That's why I've left my xABF - I didn't want to do it all over again, to hurt like that again. I sometimes wished they were abusive and violent so I could hate them...but I loved them with all my heart and I had to watch them fall apart.

You say "the thought of starting over seems unbearable". I used to think like this too. But after leaving him I've met a gorgeous man who is my loving, kind and not alcoholic husband now and we're really happy. I've given myself a chance to be free and happy and I've never regretted it.
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