sitting in the hallway feeling sorry for myself
sitting in the hallway feeling sorry for myself
My exah has been out of the house for 7...maybe 8...weeks now.
Except for a few brief and unwelcome contacts from him, we've had no contact. And honestly, for the first time in our relationship, I'm happy with the whole NC thing. I honestly don't have any feelings for him. I don't miss him. Not at all. It only took me 15 years to get to this point but I finally made it.
I've been going to al anon meetings. Reading alot of al anon literature. And just trying to decompress and get my feet back underneath me.
I'm trying to do the next right thing every day but honestly, I am just so freakin' lonley.
I'm beginning to realize how isolated and walled-off I have become over the last 8 years or so. I have friends who I love very much but they are all married and busy with their lives. I have no idea what to do with myself. I want to plan a vacation this summer but with who? Just my son and I? Will my 12 year old son really think its cool to spend a week with his mom somewhere? Just the two of us? I dont' really have any money to work with anyway.
I just feel kind of down.
I'm going to be 46 later this month and this is just SO NOT how I envisioned my life at this age.
I think maybe i'm just feeling sorry for myself.
I know what I NEED to do...I need to reach out and get involved in new activities...meet new people...But its just very hard to do for lots of reasons I guess. Its hard because I've spent so many years walled-off. And its hard because there's so little time. I work full time at a demanding job and have my son to care for on my own.
I guess this is what they refer to as sitting in the hall waiting for the next door to open? Well...its kind of lonley here in here. And dark. And uncomfortable. I don't like it in here at all!!!!!!!!
Thanks for letting me vent.
Except for a few brief and unwelcome contacts from him, we've had no contact. And honestly, for the first time in our relationship, I'm happy with the whole NC thing. I honestly don't have any feelings for him. I don't miss him. Not at all. It only took me 15 years to get to this point but I finally made it.
I've been going to al anon meetings. Reading alot of al anon literature. And just trying to decompress and get my feet back underneath me.
I'm trying to do the next right thing every day but honestly, I am just so freakin' lonley.
I'm beginning to realize how isolated and walled-off I have become over the last 8 years or so. I have friends who I love very much but they are all married and busy with their lives. I have no idea what to do with myself. I want to plan a vacation this summer but with who? Just my son and I? Will my 12 year old son really think its cool to spend a week with his mom somewhere? Just the two of us? I dont' really have any money to work with anyway.
I just feel kind of down.
I'm going to be 46 later this month and this is just SO NOT how I envisioned my life at this age.
I think maybe i'm just feeling sorry for myself.
I know what I NEED to do...I need to reach out and get involved in new activities...meet new people...But its just very hard to do for lots of reasons I guess. Its hard because I've spent so many years walled-off. And its hard because there's so little time. I work full time at a demanding job and have my son to care for on my own.
I guess this is what they refer to as sitting in the hall waiting for the next door to open? Well...its kind of lonley here in here. And dark. And uncomfortable. I don't like it in here at all!!!!!!!!
Thanks for letting me vent.
My 10 yr old son and I spent 4 days in DC over April vacation. We had a lot of fun. He loves pandas so the National Zoo was the highlight. The zoo and museums are all free admission.
4 days was a little bit too long for us to spend all day together walking/taking T around DC and taking breaks in a little hotel room but it worked out. Actually it wasn't too long, it was just hard for me at the time and the more I work on my program I will enjoy these times more.
I hear you about isolation and about so little time for getting involved in new activities. I'm taking it 1 moment at a time.
(((Hugs)))
4 days was a little bit too long for us to spend all day together walking/taking T around DC and taking breaks in a little hotel room but it worked out. Actually it wasn't too long, it was just hard for me at the time and the more I work on my program I will enjoy these times more.
I hear you about isolation and about so little time for getting involved in new activities. I'm taking it 1 moment at a time.
(((Hugs)))
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 105
Dear Outonalimb: OK if I sit in the hall with you? It just takes time. Yesterday should have been my 29th wedding anniv with XAH, divorce final 10months ago. I, too, had walled myself off and spend a lot of time now reconnecting with friends. It might even take time for you to remember what you like to do! But you will. Then find a way to do that.
It's OK to be down now. This can be very valuable time--just you alone. For me, I had lost myself for so many years, I need this time to find out who I am at 54, and sometimes this alone time is uncomfortable....but so necessary, at least for me, to recover. It's a long road, and it sounds as though you are doing the right things for you and your son. Be gentle with yourself and know that feeling this way is normal. Quiet can be healing, solitude can be revealing.
You are not alone. Keep doing the next right thing, and allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. Hugs from here.
It's OK to be down now. This can be very valuable time--just you alone. For me, I had lost myself for so many years, I need this time to find out who I am at 54, and sometimes this alone time is uncomfortable....but so necessary, at least for me, to recover. It's a long road, and it sounds as though you are doing the right things for you and your son. Be gentle with yourself and know that feeling this way is normal. Quiet can be healing, solitude can be revealing.
You are not alone. Keep doing the next right thing, and allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. Hugs from here.
Dear Outonalimb: OK if I sit in the hall with you? It just takes time. Yesterday should have been my 29th wedding anniv with XAH, divorce final 10months ago. I, too, had walled myself off and spend a lot of time now reconnecting with friends. It might even take time for you to remember what you like to do! But you will. Then find a way to do that.
It's OK to be down now. This can be very valuable time--just you alone. For me, I had lost myself for so many years, I need this time to find out who I am at 54, and sometimes this alone time is uncomfortable....but so necessary, at least for me, to recover. It's a long road, and it sounds as though you are doing the right things for you and your son. Be gentle with yourself and know that feeling this way is normal. Quiet can be healing, solitude can be revealing.
You are not alone. Keep doing the next right thing, and allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. Hugs from here.
It's OK to be down now. This can be very valuable time--just you alone. For me, I had lost myself for so many years, I need this time to find out who I am at 54, and sometimes this alone time is uncomfortable....but so necessary, at least for me, to recover. It's a long road, and it sounds as though you are doing the right things for you and your son. Be gentle with yourself and know that feeling this way is normal. Quiet can be healing, solitude can be revealing.
You are not alone. Keep doing the next right thing, and allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. Hugs from here.
Out,
You know that life is what you make it. You can look at the new door as a challenge or as an opportunity, there is no reason to sit in hallway, unless that is where you want to be.
I live by myself, many times I travel by myself, why? Because I like my company, I do not need a group around me to be whole and to be happy. I have many friends, some are married, we still go out together, infact we are just as close as we were when I was married. They have room in their life for me and I for them.
The only time I have been lonely is when I was with my exabf, he was there, more or less, yet I was all by myself and miserable. I was living in a house with invisable bars, I was no longer able to live my life on my terms. Once I dumped him, I renewed me, my spirit, made new friends, joined a cooking club, bought myself a kayak. Everyday I wake up and ask myself...what can I do to make today special.
You have alot of living to do, don't sit in the dark, embrace the light, there are many wonderful people out there who would love to call you their friend!
Tomorrow is a new day, treat it as a gift, unwrap it and savor its contents!
As ever,your (new) friend,
Dolly
You know that life is what you make it. You can look at the new door as a challenge or as an opportunity, there is no reason to sit in hallway, unless that is where you want to be.
I live by myself, many times I travel by myself, why? Because I like my company, I do not need a group around me to be whole and to be happy. I have many friends, some are married, we still go out together, infact we are just as close as we were when I was married. They have room in their life for me and I for them.
The only time I have been lonely is when I was with my exabf, he was there, more or less, yet I was all by myself and miserable. I was living in a house with invisable bars, I was no longer able to live my life on my terms. Once I dumped him, I renewed me, my spirit, made new friends, joined a cooking club, bought myself a kayak. Everyday I wake up and ask myself...what can I do to make today special.
You have alot of living to do, don't sit in the dark, embrace the light, there are many wonderful people out there who would love to call you their friend!
Tomorrow is a new day, treat it as a gift, unwrap it and savor its contents!
As ever,your (new) friend,
Dolly
Some ideas...
Perhaps download a recipe from internet and cook with your kid? you know like Nigela, and all those chefs in Fox life? fruit pancakes could be a hit.. then you can show off by sharing them with the neighbors.
Walking someone elseīs dog, visiting a shelter, playing with the animals..?
Drawing and painting, with magazines you can create a collage with things that you like or enjoy or reflect what you are in some way.. then describe it to each other and hang it on the walls
Blind fold drawing contest "teddy bears"...
Book a hotel in your same city and take the tourist bus and tours, acting as if you are a tourist just like anyone else and get to know more about the landmarks and history of the city...its fun to have friendly foreigners around.
Sometimes only sleeping somewhere else is a good break from routine.
Picnic in the park, take a ball to kick and throw.. jam with ants is a must..
Walk with a camera and have him take pictures, later you can choose your favorites and decorate the home.
Let your son have a sleepover party.
Ask him what he would enjoy doing.
Have him read a book to you.
Tell him about how life was when you were a kid and what you enjoyed doing then.
Remember he wonīt be a kid forever, one day he will leave to study, will get married, I hope this motivates you to create good memories with him, far away or at home. We can create atmospheres, you donīt have to be anywhere to make an evening memorable, IMHO...
Perhaps download a recipe from internet and cook with your kid? you know like Nigela, and all those chefs in Fox life? fruit pancakes could be a hit.. then you can show off by sharing them with the neighbors.
Walking someone elseīs dog, visiting a shelter, playing with the animals..?
Drawing and painting, with magazines you can create a collage with things that you like or enjoy or reflect what you are in some way.. then describe it to each other and hang it on the walls
Blind fold drawing contest "teddy bears"...
Book a hotel in your same city and take the tourist bus and tours, acting as if you are a tourist just like anyone else and get to know more about the landmarks and history of the city...its fun to have friendly foreigners around.
Sometimes only sleeping somewhere else is a good break from routine.
Picnic in the park, take a ball to kick and throw.. jam with ants is a must..
Walk with a camera and have him take pictures, later you can choose your favorites and decorate the home.
Let your son have a sleepover party.
Ask him what he would enjoy doing.
Have him read a book to you.
Tell him about how life was when you were a kid and what you enjoyed doing then.
Remember he wonīt be a kid forever, one day he will leave to study, will get married, I hope this motivates you to create good memories with him, far away or at home. We can create atmospheres, you donīt have to be anywhere to make an evening memorable, IMHO...
I'll be more than happy to sit in the hall with you. We can red poems, and talk about gardening and fashion and kitty cats, whatever you want. We'll eat ice cream with extra sprinkles, and watch movies with handsome men who take off their shirts alot.
This too shall pass. Things will get better, I just know it. I think taking your son on a little vacation would be an awesome idea.
This too shall pass. Things will get better, I just know it. I think taking your son on a little vacation would be an awesome idea.
I understand that lost and lonely feeling. Instead of pursuing meeting other people...I decided to focus on enjoying my own company. I do a lot of walking/hiking with my dogs and sometimes one of my daughters.
I used to be comfortable with being single and alone. I'd like to get back to that feeling first before I venture further with new activities and friends. But its not easy...some days are really sad and dark. But each day that goes by I feel a little better and closer to comfortable!
P.S. Taking your son on a vacation is a great idea!
I used to be comfortable with being single and alone. I'd like to get back to that feeling first before I venture further with new activities and friends. But its not easy...some days are really sad and dark. But each day that goes by I feel a little better and closer to comfortable!
P.S. Taking your son on a vacation is a great idea!
I stayed in one of these once
Book HI Hostel Accommodation Worldwide with Hostelling International
the atmosphere was family friendly, and its cheaper than hotels... there are rules to keep the kitchens clean, the atmosphere healthy... you are bound to meet many people and laugh a lot, even if you donīt want to, lol...
How are you doing in the hairdo/makeup/clothing department??? you know whatīs also thrilling for a kid?? seeing their mom with a new look and feeling beautiful! I know this after watching many makeover shows and the kids expressions...
Never underestimate makeup. I wake up grinch, without energy yet after placing some effort in the makeup my whole day changes, honest...
Book HI Hostel Accommodation Worldwide with Hostelling International
the atmosphere was family friendly, and its cheaper than hotels... there are rules to keep the kitchens clean, the atmosphere healthy... you are bound to meet many people and laugh a lot, even if you donīt want to, lol...
How are you doing in the hairdo/makeup/clothing department??? you know whatīs also thrilling for a kid?? seeing their mom with a new look and feeling beautiful! I know this after watching many makeover shows and the kids expressions...
Never underestimate makeup. I wake up grinch, without energy yet after placing some effort in the makeup my whole day changes, honest...
Ya'll are the greatest. Thanks so much for your replies!
I've been alone for a long time, really. It's been YEARS since I felt like I was in a relationship with someone. Dolly, I completely understand what you are saying...
The beauty in all of this is that I am completely free to live my life how I want now. No more addiction and chaos to deal with on a daily basis. I've got to remember how much I have done to improve my life and have faith that its going to continue to improve so long as I continue to work on me and my recovery.
I quit smoking and joined a gym recently. I got my hair done on Saturday and bought a few new things to wear to work.
I'm going to take good care of myself and give myself as much time to heal as I need. The battle lasted years...there's no reason to expect that I can heal in 8 short weeks.
Thanks to all of you for your support and encouragement!
I've been alone for a long time, really. It's been YEARS since I felt like I was in a relationship with someone. Dolly, I completely understand what you are saying...
The only time I have been lonely is when I was with my exabf, he was there, more or less, yet I was all by myself and miserable. I was living in a house with invisable bars, I was no longer able to live my life on my terms.
I quit smoking and joined a gym recently. I got my hair done on Saturday and bought a few new things to wear to work.
I'm going to take good care of myself and give myself as much time to heal as I need. The battle lasted years...there's no reason to expect that I can heal in 8 short weeks.
Thanks to all of you for your support and encouragement!
I found that when I was wallowing in my solitude, it wasn't my XH I mourned. What I mourned was the loss of time I could have spent with a guy who was right for me. I still feel that way sometimes.
So, instead of trying to find some fixer-upper and turn him into the perfect man, I decided to try to make myself a better woman. Partner, no partner - that is the kind of investment that can only have good returns.
I work nights so being lonely is kinda a daily thing. I am awake when most people are asleep and vice versa. But I try to walk in the park when I can, read interesting books, learn new stuff and just spend time with my kids having fun.
So, instead of trying to find some fixer-upper and turn him into the perfect man, I decided to try to make myself a better woman. Partner, no partner - that is the kind of investment that can only have good returns.
I work nights so being lonely is kinda a daily thing. I am awake when most people are asleep and vice versa. But I try to walk in the park when I can, read interesting books, learn new stuff and just spend time with my kids having fun.
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