FLsunshine

I have been doing fairly good with detaching codie wise from my RAH but yesterday he spoke fairly rude to me when i was discussing getting my daughter a car. Today after work he was distant and went for a walk by himself. In a pity party moment of "why" doesnt he ask me to go and then focusing on the times he doesnt ask me to go anywhere and then throw around the idea of he prob doesnt even like me anymore, i got into my car and i was going somewhere too... to the everglades to fish where really no one should go alone especially a 5 foot women but hey me and my pity party was going regardless. After getting on the interstate i noticed a big ugly cloud that crossed the sky, So! i thought i will beat it! Onward! then the highway digital sign up ahead said severe storm approaching... ooo nnnnoooo... i got on another intersate instead of heading where i was going and i still had a mile or two before any exit i could use to get off and go back home... then it struck, such rain and hail so hard that NO ONE could see in front of them and the traffic came to a halt. I really didnt know if i could make it back home. I drove by someone that had slide off the interstate close to where i was. what if that was ME? it wasnt his hand that drove me there it was my own. I dealt with rain and flooded streets on my way home until i got close and to my surprise it had barely rained by my house... He was napping and barely noticed i was gone at all....

fourmaggie

thats the I.S.Ms (I,self, me) they dont care for nothing else except that bottle in there hand

dollydo

I call it Me, Me, Me and I. It's all about them, what can you do for me today.

That is reality at its finest!

Sorry, I have been there so I understand.

Alone22

"then throw around the idea of he prob doesnt even like me anymore"

I have said this so many times to myself (and even to a few close friends). Boy oh boy do I understand that feeling. It is not us...it is them. I think they have a hard time just liking themselves let alone anyone else.

barb dwyer

Maybe *I* got a wierd reading on this
but &*I* saw it more
as Nature saying that going out
to do something for ourselves
just to 'show' somebody else
we can
isn't really REALLY doing it
for 'ourselves' at all....

but also that Nature was ALSO taking care of you
by not letting you get out on the water
BEFORE that hit.

And -
you had an adventure
AND
got out of the house
AND
driving in a storm
got you mind off it
at least for half an hour.

Nature is a GOOD teacher.

Call me crazy-
but that's what *I* saw going on...
underneath.

LaPinturaBella

My first thought was similar to Barb's. With a twist. I read that HP was preventing you from going fishing by yourself in a dangerous area without anyone knowing where you were. You kinda went off half-cocked and HP said, "No, FLsunshine, this is NOT a good plan." HP got you turned around AND made sure you didn't get hurt, let alone do something foolhardy.

Glad you're ok.

FLsunshine

I agree LaPinturaBella. I think it was a blessing/lesson that i should not have left my safe and sunny home. I should of let those thoughts and his words/actions roll off of me. I still need work. It seems to be alittle lesson for the future. As RAH had more words to say this morning as He doesn't like the person i am but won't leave either. He has found a "new freedom" with AA.. He (RAH) drank a few weekends ago, i called it a relapse. He says its not a relapse He "used" big difference. I told him the agreement to come back was that he NOT drink. He said He won't drink here. Asking him to clarify, he won't drink around me but will drink from time to time..

barb dwyer

I think I was close
but LaPpinta nailed it.

and that last post doesn't sound very comforting, does it?

still going to drink from time to time?
yikes.

FLsunshine

Barb, it really is not conforting at all.. I have fought back tears at work all day. I know there is a hidden "P" in the word sometimes drinking.. P meaning progressive.
I just gotta focus on Me in the days ahead.

Tuffgirl

WTF? How'd he find that in AA? The lengths of mental gymnastics some people will go to...sheesh...amazing!

I've attended open AA meetings and this is not what AA is about.

Does not bode well for a relationship with him, eh? I'm sorry...

LaPinturaBella

Sounds like he's clearly told you what is important to him. So, the REAL question is...what's important to YOU? Aside from fishing alone in the everglades??? That last part was me trying to be humorous. *ducking as the rotten tomatoes fly*

FLsunshine

Aside from fishing alone in the Everglades, i like to wrestle alligators and take boat rides from total strangers.. (just kidding)
Well.. with the kids almost grown (fingers crossed) and i'm still a bit on the youngish side.. the possiblities of what is important to me are endless. Considering going back to school to be a Funeral Director.. hmm idk.. anything calm and healthy sounds really good at this point but this door must close before opening others.