Having a really hard day

Old 06-11-2011, 06:34 PM
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Having a really hard day


I haven't posted here in a while.. but I need some words of wisdom today because I am in a lot of pain.

My alcoholic/drug addict ex partner and I broke up ten months ago. We have a little girl who is now going on three years old. I have not heard from him ONCE since we broke up and he moved out of our home. He had been dry for 7 months when we broke up and continued to be dry until this past January.

So, I have since heard that he started drinking again back in January. I heard that he met another woman, dated her for about two months and just recently moved to Arizona with her after having attempted suicide. I heard last night from a mutual friend that he is deeply in love with her. I hear he is doing well. I also hear that she doesn't have to work and that they are living off her parent's money.

The pain of hearing that he is in love with this other woman is excrutiating. I obsess about who she is and what they do together..and the life he has with her. I cannot cope with the fact that he has not called once in ten months to ask about his daughter. Some days are much worse than others. Today is one of those days. My chest literally aches. I am having such a hard time accepting that he is with someone a new life.. Please help. Thank you.

Last edited by StarlightSasha; 06-11-2011 at 06:44 PM. Reason: needed to add more text
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Old 06-11-2011, 06:43 PM
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Hi StarlightSasha. I'm sorry to hear you're having a really hard day. It stinks to hear all of this stuff. And it espeially stinks that he's not had one thing to do with his precious little girl.

As for the rest of your post, I would be willing to bet the house that the following is TRUE:

1) He probably is drinking again.
2) I'm sure he did meet another woman and moved with her. Active A's are CONSTANTLY looking for, lining up and entrapping their next enabler/hostage. This is what they do. They need that enabler/hostage in order to avoid thier problems.
3) I seriously doubt, and I do mean seriously, that he is in love with her. She's a means to an end...IOW, she will take care of him, clean up after him and enable him to pursue his true love...alcohol and drugs.
4) I also seriously doubt he's doing well. QUACK! He wants everyone to believe he's doing well, then he can continue to deny that he has a major problem...that he's an addict.
5) I do believe that they are living off of her parent's money. How sad is that?

Instead of being sad about all of this, you could look at it as "Thank God it's not my problem anymore." Just a thought. Hope you feel better soon. (((hug)))
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Old 06-11-2011, 06:53 PM
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Oh (((((Sasha))))) I'm sorry for your pain.

It sounds to me as though he has just taken a new hostage....he's an irresponsible child/man who is living off of someone else's mother's money. Ooooooo, he does sound like a catch!

You, on the other hand, are a bright, intelligent, caring, loving woman who is a mother to a beautiful 3 year old girl and a world a possibilities ahead!!!!

The blue days will pass, the sunny days will become more and more frequent. Try to get a good night's sleep tonight! Hugs, HG
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Old 06-11-2011, 06:54 PM
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Thank you, so much. I know, I try REALLY hard to have that attitude "thank God he is not my problem anymore". What's really silly and wierd is that if I KNEW for SURE that things were a mess for him, and that he's not riding off into the sunset with her, I think I could let it go. Strange, huh? Not that wish him ill-will. But thank you. I will keep in mind everything you said.... it helps a lot. I need that "reality" check about what is probably happening with him and this woman. Perhaps it will crash and burn.
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Old 06-11-2011, 07:00 PM
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Yup, he's not your responsibility any more. Not that he ever really WAS, but one of two things are for sure. He's either drinking again, in which case you can be grateful that you no longer have to deal with it. OR he's not drinking, but obviously hasn't become the kind of person you would want as a partner. Again, something you can be grateful for.

It's too bad that your daughter won't have a caring, capable father, but she has a loving, capable MOM. And someday she may have a loving, capable dad-type-guy in her future.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your daughter is to heal. It doesn't happen overnight, and it's sometimes painful, but it will be SO worth it.

I second HG, get a good night's sleep in your own peaceful home. You have a lot to be thankful for.
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