Trying to Truely figure out if my daughter is an alocholic

Old 06-10-2011, 02:17 PM
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Trying to Truely figure out if my daughter is an alocholic

Over the past couple of days I've been doing some serious research on alocholism. I had done some before right when my daughter started acting the way she does and I just assumed she was constantly drunk and always going to parties and that she was an alocholic. She was away at college it was something I could easily assume. She had ignored all consequences of her actions (two school sactions, probation, suspension an arrest, a night in jail). She showed all of the major signs from a distance.

But now she's back home. She said she cleaned herself up towards the end of the year and it appeared so her GPA went up. She got very drunk the last weekend with her school friends, I don't condone it but I'd be lying if I said I never went to an end of the school year party in college. I just didn't post pictures of it on facebook. I also didn't have the track record of excessive drinking all year she did. I assumed she was just going to fall back to where she was.

Except then she was home from nearly two weeks before drinking. I watched MTV's True Life on Alocholism (probably not the best source but it still gave good insight) Those girls were always drinking. Amber doesn't do that. It seems like she's at a point where she only does it on occasion and has no self control and drinks way way too much and then does incredibly risky stuff.

Another big thing I notice with Amber is she can handle being around people drinking and not drinking. It's supposed to be a major sign of alocholism that alocholics can't do that. Two days ago Amber came from work at about 11 and was in the living room with me and my husband watching a movie. My husband drank probably three beers while she was in the room and she didn't even blink an eye. And she went to bed before both of us so I know she didn't do it after we were gone.

She also never drinks alone like most alocholics. It's always just at a party. It's still not good, but I'm not sure if its alocholism.

It's confusing and hard to watch to see my daughter drink as much as she does and in the past I've just assumed it was alocholism but upon doing further research I'm not so sure. She does drink way too much when she does drink, and she ignores all consequences. She gets makes very bad desicions and loses all respect for her body. But noneless I'm not sure if she's completely an alocholic. Can someone please help me out
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Old 06-10-2011, 02:26 PM
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I don't know where you are getting your information, however:

"MOST" alcoholics do not drink alone.

There are 'binge' drinkers and 'daily' drinkers. Eventually the 'binges' will get closer together until they can become a 'daily' drinker.

In the early stages of alcoholism alcoholics are NOT necessarily 'triggered' by someone else drinking.

I cannot say whether your daughter is an alcoholic or not. Neither can you. When it becomes enough of a problem for her, she will either seek help or continue drinking.

I do understand your concern. So read around the whole sight not just here, to get an idea of how many 'varieties' of alcoholics there are.

I would suggest however, since based on your description your daughter may be a problem drinker, and her drinking is a problem for you, that you find some Alanon meetings for yourself. They will not only give you some face to face support as this plays out in your family, but will help you to set your personal boundaries on what is and is not acceptable to you.

Please keep posting and let us know how your are doing.

Love and hugs,
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Old 06-10-2011, 02:27 PM
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Not all alcoholics drink every day. Many are binge drinkers who can go days, weeks, even months without drinking. When they do drink though, they almost always overdo it and end up drunk. Alcoholism is not determined by how often a person drinks or even how much they drink, but by how they are affected when they do drink.

I remember you from some other threads. From what I've read so far, your daughter is playing with fire and making some extremely dangerous decisions when she drinks. I believe you said she came home drunk with a friend and was only half dressed and said they had been out with some guys. She is engaging in very dangerous activity.
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Old 06-10-2011, 04:16 PM
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I don't like the "definitely an alcoholic" part of that test--personally, I could imagine many people who are situationally drinking to excess who might answer more than three questions with a "yes". BUT, at the very least three "yes" answers would seem to indicate a high probability.

I tend to think of alcoholics mostly as people who have (a) the obsession (even when not drinking, they are thinking about it or wishing they were doing it or actively looking forward to it) and (b) the absence or malfunction of the "stop" signal that most normal drinkers get when they are having too much. And, really, each person has to decide for him/herself whether that's true for them.

It is progressive, though. I started out looking forward with excessive anticipation to my twice-a-week after-work get togethers with my coworkers. One guy always bought my drinks, and I used to drink as much free booze as I could, while I could. Eventually, it evolved to my drinking every single day after work from the time I got home until I passed out or was on the verge. Everyone has their own pattern, and you can't tell just from the quantity or even from the pattern, especially early on. If it gets worse over time and you feel about booze the way alcoholics do, then you are one.
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Old 06-10-2011, 04:55 PM
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Have you gone to Alanon yet? Research is not going to give you the answers you want. In my opinion Alanon will, and only if you go for awhile.
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Old 06-10-2011, 05:00 PM
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I took the test and apparently I too have a drinking problem.

Here's the difference between my drinking and alcoholic drinking. I have the urge to stop. I have a two drink maximum. I don't care for any more that two drinks in one 24 hour period, don't care for being hung over, don't even have one drink and drive (if I am driving, I am completely sober). But I do like a beer in the evening and look forward to it - as part of my transition from the day to the night...its like a little ritual for me. Does that make me an alcoholic?

However, I read as much as I could when I first began to suspect my husband to be one. I think what "sheneedshelp" is doing is admirable. But...what happens is we find the outcome of our research and self-education won't stop someone from being an alcoholic. Keep reading and keep seeking resources. If she does come to you for help with her drinking, you'll be ready, Until then. it is her problem and only hers.
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Old 06-10-2011, 05:25 PM
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Obviously you are trying to convince yourself that she does not have a problem with alcohol, however, all the red flags are waving right in your face.

There is no one type of alcoholic, some drink alone, some drink in a crowd, some do both. Some drink on Mondays, Wednesday and Friday, but, not on Saturday's, makes no difference, they all have one thing in common, they cannot control their drinking.

Educate yourself, knowledge is power, you cannot help her if you have your head buried in the sand.

Meetings are a great way to learn the real truth about addiction, and learn how to detach and not enable.

Keep posting, it will help.
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