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CURIOUS..who has known the difference?

Old 04-05-2015, 01:45 AM
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I had no idea! I have known my stbxah since I was 8. Always had a crush on him. I remember he drank in high school, I didn't but a lot of people did. We dated in college, and lost touch for a few years we both married other people. Then we reconnected after our divorces. We would go out drinking together and actually I think I would get "drunk" a lot more than he did. We got married and I only saw him have a couple beers and a glass of red wine with dinner. He did this most nights, I didn't think too much of it. I didn't drink very often anymore. It wasn't until he tested positive for a random alcohol/drug test from work that he told me he was an alcoholic. I was an idiot. He drank heavily all day every day. And I never saw him drink except at dinner. I had never been around an alcoholic that I knew of. And like someone else said, he had a good job, great home, wonderful personality. He wasn't stumbling over reeking of alcohol and disheveled appearance. I knew he did the whole Jekyll Hyde thing at night, but I thought something else was going on. The psychiatrist treated him for depression and even sent him to a neurologist and a sleep study because of what I told him about AH mood swings at night and how irrational he was. The dr and I even thought AH had experienced a mini stroke when I described how he had slurred his words and food was falling out of his mouth one night at dinner. He would black out also and have no idea where were sometimes when we were out or at home. I was convinced it was a chemical imbalance or neurological. And the psychiatrist was convinced also. So that made me feel a little better when we both learned the truth that AH was an alcoholic and very good at hiding it!
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Old 04-05-2015, 07:45 AM
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This is a good thread. Thank you for bringing it back.

I had absolutely no idea my husband was an alcoholic. I was 17 when we started dating. We both drank in college but I didn't think it was excessive. In fact he never appeared drunk. He had a very high tolerance. He graduated, started his career, and had some wild years but I was still in school in another state.

Alcoholism never crossed my mind. He had a demanding, high earning career. We moved frequently so the old drinking buddies were left behind. Fast forward about 20 years to him constantly talking about quitting his job and me discovering he was having an affair. Then comes round the clock vodka drinking mixed with xanax.

There was a trip to the ER Easter weekend 2 years ago where the doctor and social worker explained not only is he an alcoholic but he has progressed to the end stages.

I missed so many signs but OTOH he was a master at hiding things and at appearing to be in control. I now know what looked like one drink was more like 5-6. While I was busy with the kids he would be doing "yardwork" and pounding beer. Or he would pour a whole bottle of wine into one of those big glasses meant to let the wine breathe. I'm not a wine drinker and I was so accustomed to seeing his huge glasses that if he ordered wine in a restaurant I would think it was a rip off for such a tiny glass.

Another thing I missed: if we did have people over socially and we had drinks he mixed people always commented on how strong the drinks were. I would have to dilute the drinks for people. I think his mom had her suspicions especially since it runs in the family.

He is an example of one of those high achieving success stories that has it all and then crashes and burns. I wish he could have some success in recovery. Our life looked perfect but I look back now and think it was so superficial.

Last edited by Catherine628; 04-05-2015 at 07:47 AM. Reason: spelling
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