Here I am again..........:(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 62
Here I am again..........:(
Hi,
I have posted here before, it's been about a year or so. Things have gotten worse since then. I've been married for 12 years and have two kids. I feel like I am losing it and fast. I know my husband is an A but he acts like it's no big deal & I'm the crazy one! It's gotten to the point where he doesn't even care to hear what I have to say. He has gone out a couple times lately and not told me where he was for hours on end and then came home drunk & mad at me for being upset & worried. He was never one to do that before-usually he just drank at home (in the garage). Now it seems he is venturing out more to bars, etc. He tells me I'm boring and he doesn't get "satisfied" enough at home. Which leads me to believe he may be considering cheating, if he hasn't done so already.
I don't drink anymore at all. I use to be a social drinker with him when we would go out, but once I had my kids I considered them my top priority and with one parent who drinks non-stop they really need one responsible parent!
Sorry for the rambling, I'm just so hurt, worried, sad I didn't know where else to turn....
I have posted here before, it's been about a year or so. Things have gotten worse since then. I've been married for 12 years and have two kids. I feel like I am losing it and fast. I know my husband is an A but he acts like it's no big deal & I'm the crazy one! It's gotten to the point where he doesn't even care to hear what I have to say. He has gone out a couple times lately and not told me where he was for hours on end and then came home drunk & mad at me for being upset & worried. He was never one to do that before-usually he just drank at home (in the garage). Now it seems he is venturing out more to bars, etc. He tells me I'm boring and he doesn't get "satisfied" enough at home. Which leads me to believe he may be considering cheating, if he hasn't done so already.
I don't drink anymore at all. I use to be a social drinker with him when we would go out, but once I had my kids I considered them my top priority and with one parent who drinks non-stop they really need one responsible parent!
Sorry for the rambling, I'm just so hurt, worried, sad I didn't know where else to turn....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
I wish we could star this post for people to read, the ones who insist that things will eventually get better with their A. It ALWAYS gets worse without recovery. Your story is perfect evidence of that. I hope more newbies read this, and realize where they are headed.
Glad you came back, not happy you had to, but glad you did. I will agree with Cyranoak, whatever everyone told you before, it's all going to be the same now.
Glad you came back, not happy you had to, but glad you did. I will agree with Cyranoak, whatever everyone told you before, it's all going to be the same now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Thank goodness the kids have you to rely on. Why do A's always try to make us think we are the crazy one's? It must have something to do with their lack of control over their own life. Their tongue becomes the sword, saying mean and hurtful things. The liquid courage just spewing out. I truly find drunken men so very unattractive, so the next time he tells you that you are boring, and he isn't satisfied at home, just think to yourself "Look in the mirror sweetheart", no point arguing with a drunk but perhaps you can lift yourself up a bit. Stay healthy and strong for you and the kids.......... we are all going to be ok
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: By a River
Posts: 83
Welcome back to the place-you-hoped-you-wouldn't-have-to-come-back-to.
I lurked on this site for YEARS before finally joining last November. I can vouch for the fact that it doesn't get any better, unfortunately.
I've been through so many ups-and-downs and broken promises...it was only recently that I finally got it. I lived on the roller coaster of hope and disappointment, fear and relief. My life hasn't followed the course I imagined it would, and I still feel a sense of loss and betrayal.
It's a progressive disease, no doubt about it.
The fundamental reality we must accept is that we have no control over anyone's life but our own.
I lurked on this site for YEARS before finally joining last November. I can vouch for the fact that it doesn't get any better, unfortunately.
I've been through so many ups-and-downs and broken promises...it was only recently that I finally got it. I lived on the roller coaster of hope and disappointment, fear and relief. My life hasn't followed the course I imagined it would, and I still feel a sense of loss and betrayal.
It's a progressive disease, no doubt about it.
The fundamental reality we must accept is that we have no control over anyone's life but our own.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Caligirl, Welcome back!
Are you still seeing a counselor? Have you continued to get some face-to-face support through Al-anon?
Rome wasn't built in a day, and you don't have to solve all your problems right this very second. But nothing is going to change unless you DO something different. The power is in your hands.
I wish you the very best! You deserve peace and joy. I hope you will believe that someday!!
Hugs, HG
Are you still seeing a counselor? Have you continued to get some face-to-face support through Al-anon?
Rome wasn't built in a day, and you don't have to solve all your problems right this very second. But nothing is going to change unless you DO something different. The power is in your hands.
I wish you the very best! You deserve peace and joy. I hope you will believe that someday!!
Hugs, HG
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 86
I'm new here, just joined today. I'm finding this place amazing! I've been in Al-Anon for 2 years. My RAH is currently on his 2nd stint in an IOP (intensive outpatient program), but it's still a struggle, he relapses (makes me crazy!), but continues to try. That's all I can ask or hope for is that he knows he has a problem and is trying to work it out.
Part of this IOP requires me to go to one session with him once a week. It's a lot of work, but if you have true love, it's worth it to help yourself help the one you love with a disease. You are not crazy! The disease may be making you crazy. You might try Al-Anon, you'll meet wonderful people and receive support and tools to make your life better. It's the best 2 bucks I spend at every meeting!
Part of this IOP requires me to go to one session with him once a week. It's a lot of work, but if you have true love, it's worth it to help yourself help the one you love with a disease. You are not crazy! The disease may be making you crazy. You might try Al-Anon, you'll meet wonderful people and receive support and tools to make your life better. It's the best 2 bucks I spend at every meeting!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 383
I'm sorry that circumstances have brought you back, but I'm glad to meet you. Maybe you weren't ready to really work on you before and you are now? Anyway, we are here to be supportive and help you on your journey just as we have each been helped on ours.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I know that, for me, things change when I reach my "enough" point, when I cannot live one more day with things the way they are.
You sound like you are close, maybe give thought to thinking of how you would live differently if you could change anything for you and your kids. Changing him isn't an option, but changing your perspective and your dreams for the future is a good start.
Al-Anon has helped many of us find our balance and then find the courage to change the things we can (ourselves).
Hugs
You sound like you are close, maybe give thought to thinking of how you would live differently if you could change anything for you and your kids. Changing him isn't an option, but changing your perspective and your dreams for the future is a good start.
Al-Anon has helped many of us find our balance and then find the courage to change the things we can (ourselves).
Hugs
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Your children are the victims here, they do not deserve to be raised in a toxic enviorment.
It doesn't sound like you have done anything to rectify this situation. Are you going to meetings?
Nothing changes if nothing changes, you can't change him, are you ready to change you?
I agree with Cyranoak, you are going to get the same responses this time.
It doesn't sound like you have done anything to rectify this situation. Are you going to meetings?
Nothing changes if nothing changes, you can't change him, are you ready to change you?
I agree with Cyranoak, you are going to get the same responses this time.
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