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Surprise! ABF asked for NC

Old 06-09-2011, 03:16 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Skipper
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Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
Surprise! ABF asked for NC

I called ABF today. I just missed talking with him. The last time I'd talked to him briefly was a few days ago on his birthday. We'd stayed in touch off and on the last few weeks.

It stings that 'he' made the NC conclusion, that it's too painful to him to talk to me. "Powerless...." Yep, I've really let go, since I'd usually want to be the One Who Makes Sensible Decisions. It doesn't matter, really.

It's too public for me to put this song on Facebook today, so I'm putting it here. It makes me feel better.

"Call Me When You're Sober"

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself.
Can't keep believing,
We're only deceiving ourselves .
And I'm sick of the lie,
And you're too late.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Couldn't take the blame.
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you're jaded.
You can't play the victim this time,
And you're too late.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

You never call me when you're sober.
You only want it cause it's over,
It's over.

How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine.

So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind----

----Evanescence

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Old 06-09-2011, 03:23 PM
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Location: Rocky Mountains
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I am sorry you are experiencing that. I think it hurts more when we try to do nice things for people and wind up getting hurt. Your intentions were good.

I received the same from my xagf. Her bipolar conditions flared up and down violently and she relapsed. Then she broke up with me and used all kinds of contradictory reasons why. I checked in with her once and she was polite. E-mailed her again the next day and was SMACKED with "don't ever contact me again." That was nearly 2 months ago and I'm still slowly learning how to detach. I don't truly know if she's stabilized and / or sober. I just have to trust that she is OK.

Thank you for the beautiful song lyrics. They really resonate with me.
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Old 06-09-2011, 04:19 PM
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hat song really sums it up for how we feel, doesn't it? Thanks for sharing. I'm really sorry he is the one who said NC. You were getting ready to pull that trigger yourself though, right? I think the "F'k them before they f'k me" mentality is another one of those common attitudes. And it sounds like that's what happened here, he probably sensed you were getting ready to really end it yourself. Still completely hurts though...and for that I feel for you. HUGE HUG!
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Old 06-09-2011, 08:05 PM
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Skipper
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Posts: 827
Thanks all of you wonderful people!!

I did a couple of things to get moving forward after my little mental/emotional setback. I added one more meditation time in my day. I talked to a good friend who is definitely a RA and she has a whole lot of insight. She helped me with perspective. I talked to my DS about what to expect (not hearing from ABF...exABF?, well, I guess so!). I went to class and learned so much, my brain is really full of all that good knowledge.

The blip on my radar, was just a blip.

Moving right along!
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Old 06-09-2011, 08:55 PM
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Hugs, skipper. Sucks.

But...more to be revealed. This could be the best thing for you right now...and sounds as if you are bouncing back in a positive way.

NC doesn't mean no relationship ever ever again.

Still...it sucks...you are not alone. Relationships are complicated enough - add A's and its even more so.

Take good care!
~T
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Old 06-10-2011, 02:32 AM
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It sucks right now but give it some time and you'll realize what a blessing this is.
When I have gone no contact it has never been about the other person, they just remind me too much of who I was with them. Don't take it personal.

I used to run into XABF often even infront of each other and he always looked away. Its because I am his mirror. He can fool others that don't know him but he sees who he is by looking at me, remembering what he did and what he said. So, he looks away.

Anyway its been 2 years of No Contact and I have been given so many blessings and met wonderful people that SEE ME and value me and help me to learn to RECEIVE and RELAX in friendships and in life in general. EX? he keeps being a jerk and drinking and denying any issue. He is God and he can do what he wants when he wants it. Fine.

I no longer have patience for people like that. I was, and am worth so much more than that.
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