Is there ever a right time to have a discussion about alcohol?
 

This past month has been pretty much pure heaven for me -- we've been completely out of money, so my AH has been unable to drink. However, today he mentioned something about how I work all the time (I own my writing business and manage a handful of other writers) but never pay any of the bills. While this is untrue (I just paid over $1,000 for first months' rent and deposit on our new house!), I do tend to keep a lineup of the bills and, if need be, an additional wish list in order to suck up as much of his paycheck as possible as soon as it hits the bank. We pay all bills with money orders, so once it's paid it's paid and he doesn't even have the choice of letting a check bounce.

The problem is that I don't want him to feel put-upon for all the bills, especially when he knows that I'm bringing in money, and I'm afraid that will stir up more resentment than anything. I am frittering my own money away into accounts he doesn't know about in an attempt to save up for things the family needs, pay off a couple of debts, and so on. The only family vehicle we have that will fit a family of four (might even be five for part of the summer) has been broken down since September, and I'd hoped to get it fixed before his unemployment runs out at the end of the summer.

When he first said that I never pay any bills, I bit my tongue and kept from saying, "We need the money, and if it stays in your account you'll drink it." But I have to wonder if there's ever a good time to discuss the impact of his drinking, staying away from the emotional side of it. I don't intend to give him access to the accounts where I've hidden my money and will never tell him where it is, but part of me wonders if it would help the status quo if he knew WHY he has a larger household financial burden. Maybe I'm dreaming and forgetting too much since he hasn't been drinking and seems so rational :headbange. Anyone else ever been in a similar situation and/or have some thoughts on this?

I doubt there's a person here on this F&F board who hasn't ridden the merry-go-round about "talking" to the alcoholic in their life.

The thing is, alkies are functionally deaf, until THEY decide they need to change...

...just like we codies are functionally deaf - about why we would POSSIBLY want to tolerate such things in our lives and live in such a fashion - until WE decide we need to change.

CLMI