Hi, I'm LaPinturaBella...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 383
Hi, I'm LaPinturaBella...
Hi. I’m LaPinturaBella and I’m a lifelong codie.
I found SR and started lurking in late October 2010. I had finally cut all ties with my exABF and I was confused; I needed information and found SR after doing a search on manipulation. Needless to say, I read everything on this site I could. It was eye-opening, but more importantly, I finally started to get it. It all finally clicked that the main cause of my unhappiness, especially in romantic relationships is co-dependency.
A little background…my father is an ACOA and possibly a textbook Narcissist. The latter is my therapist’s gut feeling, but of course Dad will never see a psychologist because he doesn’t have any problems. So I say possibly. All I know is I was raised in a household where Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde doesn’t even begin to describe the emotional abuse, the mercurial mood swings, the controlling and belittling, the name calling, the sheer stress and terror. I alternated between being the perfect golden child and the scapegoat for anything that went wrong in the family. I was blamed for things I had nothing to do with. I literally became psychologically enmeshed with my father to the point that I could not honestly distinguish where he ended and I began. And as a result, I have felt invisible, not good enough, un-loveable and withdrew into myself. To add to this confusion I was held up to my younger brother as an example of the perfect child. I had very little sense of self-worth because I had NO sense of SELF.
The really sick part is I thought this was normal. It was all I’d ever known. And if you’d asked me at the time, I would have identified myself as happy. Then things took a nose-dive. I was raped at 17. And I couldn’t deal with it, so I didn’t. I buried it deep and never looked at it. I didn’t talk about it; I tried to forget it completely. This worked for a while, but not really. I buried myself in school, friends and then work. I became less trusting, yet wanted to trust. I became a full blown perfectionist. And I couldn’t understand why romantic relationships never worked.
Well, I know now. Because I choose emotionally unavailable men (and looking back at least 3 have been problem drinkers…most likely in the early stage.) It was safe…I could be in a relationship where I felt safe because I didn’t really need to be present. They were wrapped up in their own junk and not available to me either. These relationships were facsimiles of what I really wanted but felt too damaged to ever deserve, let alone have. And most of these past boyfriends have said that I was too good for them. Talk about the walking wounded finding each other. When one of these fell apart when I was 39, I got into therapy. I knew by then I was the problem. And I started to heal from my childhood experiences, from the toxic relationship with my dad. But I still hadn’t addressed the rape yet. And I know now that it is this combination that led me to exABF.
I finally hit my rock bottom. I was now doing what I love as a career, but the housing bubble had burst and work dried up. I finally admitted to myself that I had a major issue that I still needed to address head on. I traveled to Florida for work that ended up in betrayal by the “friend” who brought me out there to work on the project with her. That is when I met the ex. I was at my lowest point and I think he sensed it. We started seeing each other…he was charming, he seemed to have his crap together, he admitted he as an A and had been in recovery for 2 years. He definitely talked the talk and he seemed to genuinely care about me and was supportive of me while I tried to get myself back home.
He also was very clear that he wanted a future with me. I, erroneously, thought I’d finally met a grown up and I knew I had to be present if I wanted this to work. It turned out to be the worst relationship I’ve ever had. He was sober, but he was in no way in real recovery. Yes he goes to meetings several times a week. But he is truly manipulative, he is absolutely self—involved and self-centered, he blames and scapegoats everybody, he lies as easily as most people breathe and I learned that he had three relationships going while calling me every day, telling me he loved me, talking about moving to where I am. I also learned that he is a bona-fide con-man. He even admitted it. After a year and a half, I got smart and kicked him to the curb. And I haven’t spoken to him in 8 months now.
I felt that this was it, I needed help. Why would I stick around and let someone treat me like an after-thought? Why would I allow someone to lie to me, not just once but consistently? Why did I feel I had to do all of the work while I got nothing in return? I obviously knew this wasn’t real; this wasn’t even friendship, let alone a relationship. Not even close. He was bad news and I knew it, but I allowed him to stay in my life.
I knew that I had to do something to change it. The pattern. Me. So I got into counseling again to deal with this and the long ignored rape. (Actually that began in 2009). I’m getting stronger. I feel I am finally finding the real me…Heck, I’m even learning to really like me. I’m learning to distinguish real connection from wishful thinking. I’m slowly learning to trust again (one of the reasons it’s taken me so long to introduce myself properly, I’m not quite there yet.) And I’ve finally gotten sick and tired of living through others instead of living for me. You all have played a big part in this. My months of lurking turned on a lot of light-bulbs. I no longer feel alone. And I’m darned determined to heal and have the life I want.
Thank you all…and HI!
Shannon
I found SR and started lurking in late October 2010. I had finally cut all ties with my exABF and I was confused; I needed information and found SR after doing a search on manipulation. Needless to say, I read everything on this site I could. It was eye-opening, but more importantly, I finally started to get it. It all finally clicked that the main cause of my unhappiness, especially in romantic relationships is co-dependency.
A little background…my father is an ACOA and possibly a textbook Narcissist. The latter is my therapist’s gut feeling, but of course Dad will never see a psychologist because he doesn’t have any problems. So I say possibly. All I know is I was raised in a household where Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde doesn’t even begin to describe the emotional abuse, the mercurial mood swings, the controlling and belittling, the name calling, the sheer stress and terror. I alternated between being the perfect golden child and the scapegoat for anything that went wrong in the family. I was blamed for things I had nothing to do with. I literally became psychologically enmeshed with my father to the point that I could not honestly distinguish where he ended and I began. And as a result, I have felt invisible, not good enough, un-loveable and withdrew into myself. To add to this confusion I was held up to my younger brother as an example of the perfect child. I had very little sense of self-worth because I had NO sense of SELF.
The really sick part is I thought this was normal. It was all I’d ever known. And if you’d asked me at the time, I would have identified myself as happy. Then things took a nose-dive. I was raped at 17. And I couldn’t deal with it, so I didn’t. I buried it deep and never looked at it. I didn’t talk about it; I tried to forget it completely. This worked for a while, but not really. I buried myself in school, friends and then work. I became less trusting, yet wanted to trust. I became a full blown perfectionist. And I couldn’t understand why romantic relationships never worked.
Well, I know now. Because I choose emotionally unavailable men (and looking back at least 3 have been problem drinkers…most likely in the early stage.) It was safe…I could be in a relationship where I felt safe because I didn’t really need to be present. They were wrapped up in their own junk and not available to me either. These relationships were facsimiles of what I really wanted but felt too damaged to ever deserve, let alone have. And most of these past boyfriends have said that I was too good for them. Talk about the walking wounded finding each other. When one of these fell apart when I was 39, I got into therapy. I knew by then I was the problem. And I started to heal from my childhood experiences, from the toxic relationship with my dad. But I still hadn’t addressed the rape yet. And I know now that it is this combination that led me to exABF.
I finally hit my rock bottom. I was now doing what I love as a career, but the housing bubble had burst and work dried up. I finally admitted to myself that I had a major issue that I still needed to address head on. I traveled to Florida for work that ended up in betrayal by the “friend” who brought me out there to work on the project with her. That is when I met the ex. I was at my lowest point and I think he sensed it. We started seeing each other…he was charming, he seemed to have his crap together, he admitted he as an A and had been in recovery for 2 years. He definitely talked the talk and he seemed to genuinely care about me and was supportive of me while I tried to get myself back home.
He also was very clear that he wanted a future with me. I, erroneously, thought I’d finally met a grown up and I knew I had to be present if I wanted this to work. It turned out to be the worst relationship I’ve ever had. He was sober, but he was in no way in real recovery. Yes he goes to meetings several times a week. But he is truly manipulative, he is absolutely self—involved and self-centered, he blames and scapegoats everybody, he lies as easily as most people breathe and I learned that he had three relationships going while calling me every day, telling me he loved me, talking about moving to where I am. I also learned that he is a bona-fide con-man. He even admitted it. After a year and a half, I got smart and kicked him to the curb. And I haven’t spoken to him in 8 months now.
I felt that this was it, I needed help. Why would I stick around and let someone treat me like an after-thought? Why would I allow someone to lie to me, not just once but consistently? Why did I feel I had to do all of the work while I got nothing in return? I obviously knew this wasn’t real; this wasn’t even friendship, let alone a relationship. Not even close. He was bad news and I knew it, but I allowed him to stay in my life.
I knew that I had to do something to change it. The pattern. Me. So I got into counseling again to deal with this and the long ignored rape. (Actually that began in 2009). I’m getting stronger. I feel I am finally finding the real me…Heck, I’m even learning to really like me. I’m learning to distinguish real connection from wishful thinking. I’m slowly learning to trust again (one of the reasons it’s taken me so long to introduce myself properly, I’m not quite there yet.) And I’ve finally gotten sick and tired of living through others instead of living for me. You all have played a big part in this. My months of lurking turned on a lot of light-bulbs. I no longer feel alone. And I’m darned determined to heal and have the life I want.
Thank you all…and HI!
Shannon
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
You have sure walked quite a rocky road so far. I'm amazed at the discoveries you've made, and I'm humbled by your story. Thank you for putting yourself out there, in here. I know a lot of people, including I, will benefit from knowing about your path.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
Originally Posted by LaPinturaBella 
Hi. I’m LaPinturaBella and I’m a lifelong codie. ("Hi Pintura Bella, glad you're here")
I found SR and started lurking in late October 2010. I had finally cut all ties with my exABF and I was confused; I needed information and found SR after doing a search on manipulation. Needless to say, I read everything on this site I could. It was eye-opening, but more importantly, I finally started to get it. It all finally clicked that the main cause of my unhappiness, especially in romantic relationships is co-dependency.
A little background…my father is an ACOA and possibly a textbook Narcissist. The latter is my therapist’s gut feeling, but of course Dad will never see a psychologist because he doesn’t have any problems. So I say possibly. All I know is I was raised in a household where Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde doesn’t even begin to describe the emotional abuse, the mercurial mood swings, the controlling and belittling, the name calling, the sheer stress and terror. I alternated between being the perfect golden child and the scapegoat for anything that went wrong in the family. I was blamed for things I had nothing to do with. I literally became psychologically enmeshed with my father to the point that I could not honestly distinguish where he ended and I began. And as a result, I have felt invisible, not good enough, un-loveable and withdrew into myself. To add to this confusion I was held up to my younger brother as an example of the perfect child. I had very little sense of self-worth because I had NO sense of SELF.
The really sick part is I thought this was normal. It was all I’d ever known. (that's the kicker with us, why it takes so long for some of us to 'get it'. It's all we've ever known, so to us, it's normal. A fish doesn't realize that he is wet) And if you’d asked me at the time, I would have identified myself as happy. Then things took a nose-dive. I was raped at 17. And I couldn’t deal with it, so I didn’t. I buried it deep and never looked at it. I didn’t talk about it; I tried to forget it completely. This worked for a while, but not really. I buried myself in school, friends and then work. I became less trusting, yet wanted to trust. I became a full blown perfectionist. And I couldn’t understand why romantic relationships never worked.
Well, I know now. Because I choose emotionally unavailable men (and looking back at least 3 have been problem drinkers…most likely in the early stage.) (my man-drug of choice was alcoholics and drug users) It was safe…I could be in a relationship where I felt safe because I didn’t really need to be present. They were wrapped up in their own junk and not available to me either. These relationships were facsimiles of what I really wanted but felt too damaged to ever deserve, let alone have. And most of these past boyfriends have said that I was too good for them. (Now when they say that, we believe em! Ah, recovery) Talk about the walking wounded finding each other. (we have signs on our foreheads, that say 'i will put up with all your ****) When one of these fell apart when I was 39, I got into therapy. I knew by then I was the problem. And I started to heal from my childhood experiences, from the toxic relationship with my dad. But I still hadn’t addressed the rape yet. And I know now that it is this combination that led me to exABF.
I finally hit my rock bottom. I was now doing what I love as a career, but the housing bubble had burst and work dried up. I finally admitted to myself that I had a major issue that I still needed to address head on. I traveled to Florida for work that ended up in betrayal by the “friend” who brought me out there to work on the project with her. That is when I met the ex. I was at my lowest point and I think he sensed it. (oh yeah, the can smell our sorrow a mile away) We started seeing each other…he was charming, (aren't they always so darn charming?) he seemed to have his crap together, he admitted he as an A and had been in recovery for 2 years. He definitely talked the talk and he seemed to genuinely care about me and was supportive of me while I tried to get myself back home. (at the beginning, it's all about convincing us that they have our best interests in mind. It how the alligator convinces the frog to get on his tail...The Frog and the Crocodile)
He also was very clear that he wanted a future with me. I, erroneously, thought I’d finally met a grown up and I knew I had to be present if I wanted this to work. It turned out to be the worst relationship I’ve ever had. He was sober, but he was in no way in real recovery. Yes he goes to meetings several times a week. But he is truly manipulative, he is absolutely self—involved and self-centered, he blames and scapegoats everybody, he lies as easily as most people breathe and I learned that he had three relationships going while calling me every day, telling me he loved me, talking about moving to where I am. I also learned that he is a bona-fide con-man. He even admitted it. (I had one living with me, he had a wife in another state he was in marriage counseling with, and a boyfriend, yes I said boyfriend, in ANOTHER state) After a year and a half, I got smart and kicked him to the curb. And I haven’t spoken to him in 8 months now. (good for you girl)
I felt that this was it, I needed help. Why would I stick around and let someone treat me like an after-thought? Why would I allow someone to lie to me, not just once but consistently? Why did I feel I had to do all of the work while I got nothing in return? I obviously knew this wasn’t real; this wasn’t even friendship, let alone a relationship. Not even close. He was bad news and I knew it, but I allowed him to stay in my life.
I knew that I had to do something to change it. The pattern. Me. So I got into counseling again to deal with this and the long ignored rape. (Actually that began in 2009). I’m getting stronger. I feel I am finally finding the real me…Heck, I’m even learning to really like me. (good, cause i like you too!) I’m learning to distinguish real connection from wishful thinking. I’m slowly learning to trust again (one of the reasons it’s taken me so long to introduce myself properly, I’m not quite there yet.) And I’ve finally gotten sick and tired of living through others instead of living for me. You all have played a big part in this. My months of lurking turned on a lot of light-bulbs. I no longer feel alone. And I’m darned determined to heal and have the life I want.
Thank you all…and HI!
Shannon
I found SR and started lurking in late October 2010. I had finally cut all ties with my exABF and I was confused; I needed information and found SR after doing a search on manipulation. Needless to say, I read everything on this site I could. It was eye-opening, but more importantly, I finally started to get it. It all finally clicked that the main cause of my unhappiness, especially in romantic relationships is co-dependency.
A little background…my father is an ACOA and possibly a textbook Narcissist. The latter is my therapist’s gut feeling, but of course Dad will never see a psychologist because he doesn’t have any problems. So I say possibly. All I know is I was raised in a household where Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde doesn’t even begin to describe the emotional abuse, the mercurial mood swings, the controlling and belittling, the name calling, the sheer stress and terror. I alternated between being the perfect golden child and the scapegoat for anything that went wrong in the family. I was blamed for things I had nothing to do with. I literally became psychologically enmeshed with my father to the point that I could not honestly distinguish where he ended and I began. And as a result, I have felt invisible, not good enough, un-loveable and withdrew into myself. To add to this confusion I was held up to my younger brother as an example of the perfect child. I had very little sense of self-worth because I had NO sense of SELF.
The really sick part is I thought this was normal. It was all I’d ever known. (that's the kicker with us, why it takes so long for some of us to 'get it'. It's all we've ever known, so to us, it's normal. A fish doesn't realize that he is wet) And if you’d asked me at the time, I would have identified myself as happy. Then things took a nose-dive. I was raped at 17. And I couldn’t deal with it, so I didn’t. I buried it deep and never looked at it. I didn’t talk about it; I tried to forget it completely. This worked for a while, but not really. I buried myself in school, friends and then work. I became less trusting, yet wanted to trust. I became a full blown perfectionist. And I couldn’t understand why romantic relationships never worked.
Well, I know now. Because I choose emotionally unavailable men (and looking back at least 3 have been problem drinkers…most likely in the early stage.) (my man-drug of choice was alcoholics and drug users) It was safe…I could be in a relationship where I felt safe because I didn’t really need to be present. They were wrapped up in their own junk and not available to me either. These relationships were facsimiles of what I really wanted but felt too damaged to ever deserve, let alone have. And most of these past boyfriends have said that I was too good for them. (Now when they say that, we believe em! Ah, recovery) Talk about the walking wounded finding each other. (we have signs on our foreheads, that say 'i will put up with all your ****) When one of these fell apart when I was 39, I got into therapy. I knew by then I was the problem. And I started to heal from my childhood experiences, from the toxic relationship with my dad. But I still hadn’t addressed the rape yet. And I know now that it is this combination that led me to exABF.
I finally hit my rock bottom. I was now doing what I love as a career, but the housing bubble had burst and work dried up. I finally admitted to myself that I had a major issue that I still needed to address head on. I traveled to Florida for work that ended up in betrayal by the “friend” who brought me out there to work on the project with her. That is when I met the ex. I was at my lowest point and I think he sensed it. (oh yeah, the can smell our sorrow a mile away) We started seeing each other…he was charming, (aren't they always so darn charming?) he seemed to have his crap together, he admitted he as an A and had been in recovery for 2 years. He definitely talked the talk and he seemed to genuinely care about me and was supportive of me while I tried to get myself back home. (at the beginning, it's all about convincing us that they have our best interests in mind. It how the alligator convinces the frog to get on his tail...The Frog and the Crocodile)
He also was very clear that he wanted a future with me. I, erroneously, thought I’d finally met a grown up and I knew I had to be present if I wanted this to work. It turned out to be the worst relationship I’ve ever had. He was sober, but he was in no way in real recovery. Yes he goes to meetings several times a week. But he is truly manipulative, he is absolutely self—involved and self-centered, he blames and scapegoats everybody, he lies as easily as most people breathe and I learned that he had three relationships going while calling me every day, telling me he loved me, talking about moving to where I am. I also learned that he is a bona-fide con-man. He even admitted it. (I had one living with me, he had a wife in another state he was in marriage counseling with, and a boyfriend, yes I said boyfriend, in ANOTHER state) After a year and a half, I got smart and kicked him to the curb. And I haven’t spoken to him in 8 months now. (good for you girl)
I felt that this was it, I needed help. Why would I stick around and let someone treat me like an after-thought? Why would I allow someone to lie to me, not just once but consistently? Why did I feel I had to do all of the work while I got nothing in return? I obviously knew this wasn’t real; this wasn’t even friendship, let alone a relationship. Not even close. He was bad news and I knew it, but I allowed him to stay in my life.
I knew that I had to do something to change it. The pattern. Me. So I got into counseling again to deal with this and the long ignored rape. (Actually that began in 2009). I’m getting stronger. I feel I am finally finding the real me…Heck, I’m even learning to really like me. (good, cause i like you too!) I’m learning to distinguish real connection from wishful thinking. I’m slowly learning to trust again (one of the reasons it’s taken me so long to introduce myself properly, I’m not quite there yet.) And I’ve finally gotten sick and tired of living through others instead of living for me. You all have played a big part in this. My months of lurking turned on a lot of light-bulbs. I no longer feel alone. And I’m darned determined to heal and have the life I want.
Thank you all…and HI!
Shannon
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
LPB I am sorry for what you have gone through. Now I know why I feel "closer" to you. I also learned to be invisible. My mom and sister fought and yelled often, my dad was physically absent and the times he was there he was not there emotionally! still isn't. Won't be. Ouch! And I also felt I was normal and happy. Aww..
I was sexually abused at 25. My mom suspected and didn't do anything. I felt so low and I even saw the guy a couple of times afterwards. I was so thirsty of attention, I think forgiving myself for doing what I have done due to lack of love and lack of someone asking "Hi TC999 how are you?" is a huge one I am still struggling with. Trust issues /I got them too. HUGE trust issues! Lately they turned to social anxiety. Been invited to parties and I don't go. I feel they don't want me there or I bring nothing to the table! Then sometimes I feel like going and have a good time. But with the people I meet, after some days of reflection, I realize they want to take things, not give me things. My therapist brought this to my attention. I also self boycott. Both my parents are major quackers. I am a quacker. And my ex boyfriends have been sick people willing to take, and I was willing to give, give until there was nothing left.
My mom has been depressed and has said "THIS time I will work, go out to walk, make friends! you'll see!" .. nothing changes.
My dad quacks and emails "Tc999 I love you! I miss you! how are you?" and when we finally meet in the real world he prefers to chat with his wife and make small talk with strangers. He is just not capable for empathy. And his actions don't speak of love. They speak of selfishness. No wonder I attracted an alcoholic. Words totally different from actions.
Anyway we need to see all that in order to heal and live our own life and FINALLY see life through our own eyes. I resisted that due to the fear of realizing my past realities but I have also found my heart allows self compassion.
I also noticed that when I see life through my own eyes the world has color again, there is good music, laughs, creativity, dettachment, deep spirituality... I am so grateful for being on this path now and I know I will never feel alone even if I am alone. Or well/ I CAN feel alone sometimes, but its like a day, or a couple of days, not for years and years as it was before. I am starting to feel the void with... MYSELF, and God, and Nature, and true loving relationships with people who are totally worth it and actually SEE me - THIS is was what I was looking for.
I am so glad you are an artist too and you have inspired me!! There is nothing I enjoy more than painting. I am glad I have a new friend like you, and we are walking together to a better place. I am so grateful I am in tears! ok I have been sensitive all day.
I was sexually abused at 25. My mom suspected and didn't do anything. I felt so low and I even saw the guy a couple of times afterwards. I was so thirsty of attention, I think forgiving myself for doing what I have done due to lack of love and lack of someone asking "Hi TC999 how are you?" is a huge one I am still struggling with. Trust issues /I got them too. HUGE trust issues! Lately they turned to social anxiety. Been invited to parties and I don't go. I feel they don't want me there or I bring nothing to the table! Then sometimes I feel like going and have a good time. But with the people I meet, after some days of reflection, I realize they want to take things, not give me things. My therapist brought this to my attention. I also self boycott. Both my parents are major quackers. I am a quacker. And my ex boyfriends have been sick people willing to take, and I was willing to give, give until there was nothing left.
My mom has been depressed and has said "THIS time I will work, go out to walk, make friends! you'll see!" .. nothing changes.
My dad quacks and emails "Tc999 I love you! I miss you! how are you?" and when we finally meet in the real world he prefers to chat with his wife and make small talk with strangers. He is just not capable for empathy. And his actions don't speak of love. They speak of selfishness. No wonder I attracted an alcoholic. Words totally different from actions.
Anyway we need to see all that in order to heal and live our own life and FINALLY see life through our own eyes. I resisted that due to the fear of realizing my past realities but I have also found my heart allows self compassion.
I also noticed that when I see life through my own eyes the world has color again, there is good music, laughs, creativity, dettachment, deep spirituality... I am so grateful for being on this path now and I know I will never feel alone even if I am alone. Or well/ I CAN feel alone sometimes, but its like a day, or a couple of days, not for years and years as it was before. I am starting to feel the void with... MYSELF, and God, and Nature, and true loving relationships with people who are totally worth it and actually SEE me - THIS is was what I was looking for.
I am so glad you are an artist too and you have inspired me!! There is nothing I enjoy more than painting. I am glad I have a new friend like you, and we are walking together to a better place. I am so grateful I am in tears! ok I have been sensitive all day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 18
Wow, we have lots in common. Abusive father. Wreck of a childhood. Rape. Bad relationships. It's like a huge puzzle trying to put all the pieces together. You seem to be doing what's right for you. I'm just beginning that stage of my life as well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Shannon, nice to "meet" you. Thank you for sharing your story. So much of it is familiar to me. In many respects, I've lived your life. And I am also at a place now where I am learning a different path. I feel very free today, realizing I do have the courage to change the things I can, along with a great desire to do so. As I slide into age 40 (5 more months!) I want a clean slate for the new decade. I see now this may be a more divine intervention...a reason the RAH came into my life...so I could learn to live a healthier, more content and appreciated life from this point forward.
~T
~T
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 383
Thank you all so much for the warm welcome...it really does mean so much to me! Many of you have commented on the dark place I've been in, as have you guys. I'm just so glad that I'm able to learn from all of this and walk into the light...it's so much better there! 
It also makes this path easier knowing there are others on it with me...although I wish with all off my heart that there weren't so, so many of us.
One thing I do want to say, when I met my ex, I instantly knew he was going to be very very important to me. I didn't now how or why, just that he was...and this was before we even said a word to each other. So, while he caused me a lot of pain, anger and depression even, I am still incredibly glad I did meet him. He was the catalyst I needed to stop being afraid and to make me get off my duff and fix ME! Doesn't men I ever want to interact with him ever again, but I am grateful that my HP put in in my path.
And speaking of HP...I posted this yesterday, I am determined to get my decorative painting business healthy and successful and have been looking for a job job in the meantime to get my bank account healthier. I got hired today at a furniture store...sort of related to my field, so things are looking great all the way around!!!
Cyranoak...you can call be Bella...it's Italian for beautiful and I am finally consistently feeling that way! LOL
It also makes this path easier knowing there are others on it with me...although I wish with all off my heart that there weren't so, so many of us. One thing I do want to say, when I met my ex, I instantly knew he was going to be very very important to me. I didn't now how or why, just that he was...and this was before we even said a word to each other. So, while he caused me a lot of pain, anger and depression even, I am still incredibly glad I did meet him. He was the catalyst I needed to stop being afraid and to make me get off my duff and fix ME! Doesn't men I ever want to interact with him ever again, but I am grateful that my HP put in in my path.
And speaking of HP...I posted this yesterday, I am determined to get my decorative painting business healthy and successful and have been looking for a job job in the meantime to get my bank account healthier. I got hired today at a furniture store...sort of related to my field, so things are looking great all the way around!!!
Cyranoak...you can call be Bella...it's Italian for beautiful and I am finally consistently feeling that way! LOL
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: By a River
Posts: 83
Bella! I love that name.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. It makes my issues seem so insignificant and I am so humbled by your strength and resilience. As you travel along your path to finding "you" please know that we are walking next to you and drawing from your fortitude and courage as we search for our own wholeness.
This site, and the people on it, are truly blessings.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. It makes my issues seem so insignificant and I am so humbled by your strength and resilience. As you travel along your path to finding "you" please know that we are walking next to you and drawing from your fortitude and courage as we search for our own wholeness.
This site, and the people on it, are truly blessings.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Originally Posted by LaPinturaBella
So, while he caused me a lot of pain, anger and depression even, I am still incredibly glad I did meet him. He was the catalyst I needed to stop being afraid and to make me get off my duff and fix ME!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
