Sneaky, HP... so so sneaky.

Old 06-07-2011, 05:12 AM
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Sneaky, HP... so so sneaky.

Today I am amazed at how my view on having a higher power has changed so dramatically in a matter of weeks. It's something I wasn't aware was happening either, but I guess that's the best way for change to occur.

As someone that went through Catholic school/family background, but have always had an atheist view. I still reject institutionalised religion, but I feel my spirituality seeping back into me one day at a time... and maybe it's okay to believe that there is an unknown force guiding the unknown occurrences and events.

Yesterday I actually asked for spiritual help. Not out loud, but I was asking, practically begging, praying, even... I was as close to being on my knees as one could be without actually getting on my knees.

Without going into too much detail, the past 24 hours have felt like a visit to hell and back... I feel like my sanity is teetering on the edge.

Tonight I didn't necessarily get help, but I got the guidance to go and find it.

Tonight, I get off the bus from work, hop in my car with the intent to go to Al-Anon. First obstacle, REALLY low petrol... okay, no problem, I'll stop at the servo and get petrol.

Problem? No money left and my card is at home.. so I drive home (thankfully I made it), get my card, then drive to the petrol station, get petrol, jump in the car and I'm off again. I'm going to be a bit late, but that's okay.

Second obstacle, I miss the exit and turn off somewhere and have absolutely no idea how to get to where I need to be from this point. It's okay, I have my iPhone... I'll google map it.

Third obstacle, no reception!! (Get bent, Vodafone!!) That's okay, I see a road I recognise, so I get to the meeting 15 minutes late.

I walk in and tonight we are working on step 9, making amends and the first thing I hear someone speak about is making amends to themself... bam, exactly what I needed to hear.

Then the theme was truth, double bam, something I was itching to speak about.

First the first time ever at one of these meetings I just spoke without jumping from one thing to another, without leaving things out or changing things around because I was ashamed or embarrassed about what I had said, done or thought... I was completely honest and I was met with understanding and caring. Even though some of the things I shared were shameful on my part.

After my share a few ladies at the meeting recommended I get a sponsor... funny you say that, it's something that I wanted to ask about all day! Hence my desperation to get to this meeting..

..so I didn't leave with a sponsor, but I left with the number of a woman that I think I could feel comfortable having as my sponsor.

All in all, I really want to give thanks to my HP today. Thanks for allowing me to just let go for once and guiding me right to where I needed to be the most.
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Old 06-07-2011, 09:11 AM
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As the saying goes, "God/HP works in mysterious ways." You had obstacles thrown at you left and right and you STAYED FOCUSED on getting to that meeting. And then you heard exactly what you NEEDED to hear. Wonderful! I'm so glad you are seeing the miracle in helping and healing yourself.

This post put a smile on my face.
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Old 06-07-2011, 10:15 AM
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Thanks, tina. I, too, have found the power of my spirituality in little ways. But those little ways are so profound!

I find when something is upsetting me or I am feeling stuck, I pray about it. Praying allows me to let go of it, while setting back from it, which calms me down, releases my emotions, and gives me a more objective view. I still struggle with some of the spirituality stuff...but I've been doing this long enough to know that it works.

I am wondering if your HP thought you needed some perseverance last night, as well? You went to great lengths to make that meeting! I might have given up at the 'no gas and no card' point and gone home.
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