In need of clarity
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
In need of clarity
Today is the first day without my best friend. Yesterday, I send him packing. I can no longer be part of his roller coaster ride. Truly, there is no joy in life when I am surrounded by the drama, and craziness of the booze. I am so trying to understand this horrible disease that has brought so much sadness to my used to be normal world. I think the alcohol is taking him, often he is not making alot of sense. There is this angry demon overtaking him too. He often sweats, and shakes. Oh and he gets bombed on two drinks, tolerence is gone. It's as if we no longer live on the same planet.
I have watched and endured for over ten years now. Can't even say what the final straw was, but it happened. Perhaps I have already made my first mistake in trying to talk to him. Still reeling from the shock that he will not speak to me. Why is he turning this around on me?????
Why am I here? Because, my best friend Dan is the most amazing person. He is kind and loving. Smart, witty, funny, sensitive, and caring. But he has been gone for quite some time now, I have just been hanging on to the memory of the person he used to be,and i so long to have him back. Frightened if he doesn't get help, he will die soon
I have watched and endured for over ten years now. Can't even say what the final straw was, but it happened. Perhaps I have already made my first mistake in trying to talk to him. Still reeling from the shock that he will not speak to me. Why is he turning this around on me?????
Why am I here? Because, my best friend Dan is the most amazing person. He is kind and loving. Smart, witty, funny, sensitive, and caring. But he has been gone for quite some time now, I have just been hanging on to the memory of the person he used to be,and i so long to have him back. Frightened if he doesn't get help, he will die soon
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
((((((Marie)))))))))) <---those are hugs.
Welcome to SR.
I'm so glad you found us and posted.
I completely understand what you are saying. My exah (exhusband) is an alcoholic too. He used to be my best friend. Gradually, over the years, he became someone I didn't even recognize. in the last year, his thinking has become very distorted. I think he's done permanent damage to his brain.
He also tries to turn everything around on me. It's all my fault, you see, that I couldn't continue to live with the insanity and drama any more.
This is a great place to come for support. I"ve learned so much here...and made alot of great friends who really and truly 'get it' when it comes to dealing with the effect of alcohol on our lives.
So glad you're here.
I look forward to getting to know you better...
Mary
Welcome to SR.
I'm so glad you found us and posted.
I completely understand what you are saying. My exah (exhusband) is an alcoholic too. He used to be my best friend. Gradually, over the years, he became someone I didn't even recognize. in the last year, his thinking has become very distorted. I think he's done permanent damage to his brain.
He also tries to turn everything around on me. It's all my fault, you see, that I couldn't continue to live with the insanity and drama any more.
This is a great place to come for support. I"ve learned so much here...and made alot of great friends who really and truly 'get it' when it comes to dealing with the effect of alcohol on our lives.
So glad you're here.
I look forward to getting to know you better...
Mary
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Marie, welcome to SR. 
You will find a huge amount of experience, strength and support here. I understand what you are going through and so will almost everyone here because we either have or are going through it.
I've lost my best friend also. She just kind of slipped away over the last 13 years until it felt like I was living with a stranger. I also lost myself for a lot of that time trying to help, fix, cure her. I now accept that I can't do that and have started to work on fixing me.
You will find a lot of support here helping you to fix you. Which of course is all you can really do.
Best wishes and prayers to you on the start of this new adventure. The results are worth it.
Your friend,
You will find a huge amount of experience, strength and support here. I understand what you are going through and so will almost everyone here because we either have or are going through it.
I've lost my best friend also. She just kind of slipped away over the last 13 years until it felt like I was living with a stranger. I also lost myself for a lot of that time trying to help, fix, cure her. I now accept that I can't do that and have started to work on fixing me.
You will find a lot of support here helping you to fix you. Which of course is all you can really do.
Best wishes and prayers to you on the start of this new adventure. The results are worth it.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 383
Welcome Marie. And a huge huge to let you know you are amongst friends here. It's so tragic to watch a substance literally steal the personality, soul and life from those we care about. And how I wish it could be fixed. We all know it can't though. So mourn, grieve and remember Dan as you knew him BA (before alcohol.) You are a strong and brave woman to do what needed to be done for you. It would be doubly tragic if you hadn't, as alcohol would then have claimed two victims. Take good, gentle, loving care of yourself. And we are here when you need us.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
I could have said this too about my best friend...
...and the best man at my wedding (ironically to an alcoholic woman).
My best friend Jeff was the most amazing person. He was kind and loving, smart, witty, funny, sensitive, and caring. But he died quite some time before his body did, and I had been hanging on to the memory of the person he used to be. I missed him and wanted to have him back. He didn't get help, he gave up, and he died in his sleep full of booze and anti-depressants.
Nobody was surprised when he died, and we had all finished grieving his loss years before. I was actually relieved-- he was the most unhappy and miserable person I had ever met. The funeral was small and anti-climactic.
We get together every couple of years and tell stories about him-- there are a lot of stories.
Take care,
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by marie1960 
My best friend Dan is the most amazing person. He is kind and loving. Smart, witty, funny, sensitive, and caring. But he has been gone for quite some time now, I have just been hanging on to the memory of the person he used to be,and i so long to have him back. Frightened if he doesn't get help, he will die soon
Nobody was surprised when he died, and we had all finished grieving his loss years before. I was actually relieved-- he was the most unhappy and miserable person I had ever met. The funeral was small and anti-climactic.
We get together every couple of years and tell stories about him-- there are a lot of stories.
Take care,
Cyranoak
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 204
It is so true that you lose the person. People always ask me if my AH was always awful and I just didn't see it or something, but no, he wasn't. He was actually a good husband and a great father. A good worker and handy around the house. Now he is an unbearable, crazy person who I don't want around me or my kids at all. He doesn't work. He is only 41. It is a tragedy.
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
Marie,
I hope you find peace on your new journey.
I, too, have been in the process of losing my very best friend in the whole world, the love of my life, ABF. We are separated, and when I read Cyranoak's post, it reminded me of what we all see in ABF's future.
Alcoholics either get:
Sobered up,
Locked up,
or
Covered up.
And that's the truth of it. It's agonizing to watch someone you care about so much get swallowed by this disease. There is hope. For us. We gather together as hopeful people in order to find order.
I hope you find your path in reading and posting here, in finding a good Al-anon meeting, in learning the 12-steps to recovery, in self-care, and all the things we know works for us.
Peace,
skipper
I hope you find peace on your new journey.
I, too, have been in the process of losing my very best friend in the whole world, the love of my life, ABF. We are separated, and when I read Cyranoak's post, it reminded me of what we all see in ABF's future.
Alcoholics either get:
Sobered up,
Locked up,
or
Covered up.
And that's the truth of it. It's agonizing to watch someone you care about so much get swallowed by this disease. There is hope. For us. We gather together as hopeful people in order to find order.
I hope you find your path in reading and posting here, in finding a good Al-anon meeting, in learning the 12-steps to recovery, in self-care, and all the things we know works for us.
Peace,
skipper
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
