5 years down the drain

Old 06-06-2011, 10:30 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: New York
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5 years down the drain

I have taken your advise and gone to a few AlAnon meetings , but not sure its for me, although I weill go at least a few more times .
I just walked out on my AH last week and of course am being blamed for all his problems , I NOW I am not the cause . But am so stressed out , have been sleeping on my mothers floor in a 1 room studio apartment as my house is too far away to commute to work( too expensive ) . No internet and no cable . Only get to go home on weekends , I have been crying non stop and not even sure why . I should be so happy to get out !! What is wrong with me ??? I no longer have to hear how horrible I am or that I have no friends and no one loves me . He is whinning about his $600 rent while I have to pay a mortgage , maintenance , car and bills !!! I just want to scream . He hates me after I refused to take care of him after a 1 week binge , said I was done cleaning vomit from my toilet . And as far as friends go , its amazing who wants to spend time with me now that he is out ofthe house . Plus he still has my car and giving me a hard time getting it back
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Old 06-06-2011, 11:02 AM
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Keep going to Al-Anon. Seriously. I have a love-hate relationship with that organization -- I must have gone to 20 meetings before I felt I got anything out of it. I think a lot of it is that when you first walk in the door, you want to be handed tools to fix things, whether it's your alcoholic or yourself. And it doesn't work that way.

It's the healing properties of the stories shared, and the things you gradually learn (and re-learn, and grow in) while you're working the 12-step program for yourself, that help you. There's no quick fix. It took you a while to get into this mess, and it's going to take you a while to get out.

And of course you're crying. No matter how glad you are to get out, you're grieving a relationship; you're grieving the hopes you had for the future; you're scared of "what now?" and you're exhausted from the emotional turmoil.

Give yourself a lot of grace. Cut yourself a lot of slack. Eat that takeout food you normally would consider too high in calories. Let yourself take a nap after dinner. Give yourself a lot, lot, lot of space, mentally and emotionally.

And keep going back to Al-Anon. And keep coming back here. (((hugs)))
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Old 06-06-2011, 01:08 PM
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Amen to lillamy! It took a long time to get desperate enough to really participate in Al-ANon. I went at first to find the answers to make him stop drinking. I began in earnest when I walked out. Your post sounds familiar! And here I am 6 months later, in my own home and doing quite well, despite a few bumps here and there. Kudos for you for leaving and setting the crystal clear boundary that you will not participate in a relationship with an alcoholic.

Now, your feelings today - they are normal> Be forewarned, the roller coaster doesn't end until you do the work, as lillamy says above, to end it. Again, 6 months later, and although I am doing quite well, I am thoroughly dedicated to the program because without it, I can't get off the roller-coaster.

You are doing much better than you feel you are. Hang in there, keep coming back. Read everything you can about alcoholism and its effects on the family. And take very gentle good care of yourself.
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Old 06-06-2011, 03:32 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Del Rio, TX
Posts: 380
Be glad you left now. In the blink of an eye, this will be 25 years down the drain.

It's tough. Be strong. and know you are not the first to do this. know that we know the manipulation and the lies he will be telling are coming from a disturbed person. you are not alone.

Best to you.
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