Lotus2009

Hi all,

I was just curious to see how many of you drink while living with your recovering A? I was really surprised the other night when RAH and I went to dinner and he mentioned it would be fine if I had a glass of wine. I didn't. I'm not a big drinker and don't ever drink when I'm with RAH, though I have gone out to dinner with friends and had 1 drink (but that's it for me).

Just curious what everyone else does??

LexieCat

I didn't drink around my partners when they were early in recovery. It just seems considerate not to have it in their faces from a partner. Recovery is hard enough, in the beginning, without coping with it so close to home.

Later, when my first husband was on solid ground, he assured me that it didn't bother him if I had a drink or two. I did try not to overdo it when I was with him.

kittykitty

My ex assured me it was okay to drink in front of him, very adimately in fact, almost insisting I have a glass of wine with dinner or something. It wasn't long until he was drinking again, and I was blamed for having it in the house.

Then again, he wasn't recovering, he was faking it to appease me and my demands.

Just my experience.

MeredithD1

My AH isn't the first A I've loved - I've loved many A's - friends, family, boyfriends, the two A husbands. I also worked the desk as a civilian employee of a police department, and on graveyard shift, so I got to see a lot of people who had been drinking heavily - A or not. Got to the point where they would walk in the door, which was forty feet from my desk, and I could smell it on them, coming through their pores.

After all that experience, I just decided to not drink.

I think it would be tough to have an addiction and have a non-addicted person in front of me, doing the thing to which I have an addiction.

I'm sure other people handle things differently and are successful with it, so, I decided to not drink for myself, and I'm at peace with that.

Latte

For the first few years my husband did not drink in front of me. He will now occasionally. We keep his liquor in the garage. We occasionally have cooking sherry in the house if I'm making stew or a few other dishes. It was several years before either of us felt comfortable doing that though.

It's different for everyone from what I have read and seen.

dollydo

On occasion, however, my exabf was never in recovery. He was faking it, sneaking drinks. So, what I did or didn't do had no effect whatsoever.

sirpher

I never drink in front of my AW. The last drink that I had was a gift of a bottle of wine from my boss, which was enjoyed with dinner with my parents.

seekingcalm

My rabf and I do not live together anymore, I sometimes have wine in the house, in the fridge, opened or not, but I don't ever drink it when we are together. No need to, he says it would be fine (he is sober 16 months and working recovery very seriously), but I don't feel comfortable or like I am giving anything up by not drinking around him. We have been out with friends who have ordered drinks with dinner, but we do not. Definitely a personal choice.

BarelyHere

Wow....This hits so home for me. My husband is 6+months free from opiates & 6 wks free from alcohol.He is attending AA. Even though all the alcohol has been out of our house since the 6 mo. stage. I had made the decision not to drink. Then I found myself feeling aggravated that his bad decisions affected me. So 5 weeks ago I bought a box of wine & put it in a closet that holds our winter clothes. I would only have a glass at times he was not home & there is still a third of the wine in the box.
Yesterday he went fishing with his sponsor. Woke me up at 5am digging around looking for his long underwear to wear under waders. It wasn't until around noon that I noticed that the winter closet door was open. I looked in & things had been rearranged & the box was still there. I know he saw it. I feel really guilty. I threw the box away in the trash this am. He has not said anything.
I am waiting for him to get angry & throw it in my face. But honestly the guilt is really eating at me.
I am such an upfront person I really feel like I just need to bring it out in the open. But I don't want an argument. Then I think about how many bottles I have found of his & how I put them on his nightstand to throw it in his face.
And yet I have not had an alcohol problem & been hiding bottles & acting out with my family.
So conflicted.

FLsunshine

I have been known to "blame" myself because of RAH past drinking or make excuses for it. So i decided Not to drink around him or even talk about drinking. Actually i havent drank anything since he went into rehab. That way i can't use me drinking as an guilt ridden excuse and nor can he should his drinking reappear.

erikm02

I'm sure it's different for everyone, but I don't mind people drinking around me. I just get bored pretty fast and want an activity to do (besides sitting there talking & watching people drink lol)

Buffalo66

My RAH is sober 9 months. I stopped drinking while he weaned off back in September, and only had one night of two cocktails w/o him knowing it.

I kinda dont need it in my life.

That may change.

Cyranoak

I drink wherever and whenever I want with one exception. In the house I won't have more than one beer. It triggers the daughter too much. As for AW/RAW? She believes that if her recovery is affected by my drinking then she has a problem with her recovery.

This belief goes to all of my tomfoolery. If any of it causes her to drink they SHE has a problem in her own program of recovery.

All of that said, I rarely have more than one drink when I'm with her.

Cyranoak

underoath

personally it bothers me when my parents drink around me, it just seems inconsiderate. especially when I just got out of rehab and my mom asked me to help make moonshine. I don't blame them, and it doesn't bother me when other people who don't know me or my situation drink around me, it just bothers me that my parents paid to send me to rehab and they went to family night and were told not to have alcohol in the house and that it could be dangerous for me and here they are drinking alll the time.... we have more alcohol in the house than a liquor store. Luckily for me, my drugs of choice were cocaine, benzos, and weed, (alcohol too, but I was occupied with other drugs, I drank once in a blue moon, but when I did it was alcoholically ) so alcohol isn't a big problem, it is very tempting at times though. Sorry that that doesn't answer your question or anything I just felt like sharing my personal feelings, I wish my parents were as considerate as you, to even care, to think twice about it, so kudos to you

Linkmeister

I've never been a drinker, so it has never been an issue. When the ex and I first started dating, I did drink around him, not knowing of his problem-once I realized what was going on, liquor/beer lost all of its appeal to me.

Jeep08

My wife use to tell me it was ok if I had a drink when she was not. I found out later that she was drinking secretly.
This time around I have made the choice for the last few weeks not to drink around her. Its only been a few weeks since she came back from a residential rehab program. She did tell me that the smell of the booze on my breath when she was trying not to drink did bother her. Its not that important for me to drink. I had a beer with some family at lunch on Sat but knew I would not see her for a few hours. So it was not exposing her to it. Lots of others will drink around her that fine but if it bothers her to smell it on me then why have it. Much better to have her want to kiss me then to have a beer. Easy choice.

Shellcrusher

I don't drink around my AW.

Keplar

If I did drink around XABF, once I realized how serious of a problem he had, it was usually at his urging. And I'd barely finish 1 glass of wine. This usually coincided with times he was hiding his drinking from me. I didn't always catch on to when he was drinking his stashed vodka at first, because I have no sense of smell. I had to rely on his behavior and voice changes. I finally have just become so disgusted with alcohol, that for the time-being, I'm just avoiding it.

PuzzledinTX

It's a moot point because I'm pretty much estranged from my dad, but I wouldn't drink in his presence. Personally, I can live my life quite happily without consuming alcohol. I drink only very occasionally, and as a rule, don't drink alone.

wywriter

My AH is not in recovery, but as soon as I realized that he had a drinking problem (it dawned very, very slowly I'm afraid) I went completely teetotal. The only alcohol I have now is the vanilla extract I make -- and yes, I do have to hide the bottle from him because he's been known to drink it. If he ever chooses to go into recovery, I intend to continue the same anti-alcohol policy indefinitely. The fact is, I am so darn sick of alcohol in my life that even previously enjoyable drinks turn my stomach. Of all of the important people in my life about 3/4 are A or RA, so it just seems healthier for them and for me to avoid it altogether. Before I stopped drinking anything at all, my husband would often use me as an excuse to buy even more alcohol -- "I just thought you'd like this, figured we could split it."