Shellcrusher

Naw. You may have things to work on but you'll figure that out on your own.

What he's doing is called blame shifting. They're masters at it. Try your best not to buy what they're saying. It's all BS.

m1k3

Spend some time here and soon you'll be able to quackers bingo. Quacking is the term we use for all the excuses and bs you here from your A. I was setting up my move to another apartment when my wife started outpatient rehab. She's only going because neither daughter will let her see the grandkids until she gets better. After one of her classes on anger management she gave me the handout and told me she doesn't have any anger issues and it was something I could use much more than she.

Quack!

brutus10

Is it normal to be soooooo angry? I mean I feel like I have rage going on towards him.....

vujade

I have to tell you, when I first read that I thought "DANG, you are lucky!" Some of us, by the time we realize just how powerless we are over addiction, find we can't GET them to leave!

And of course it is normal to be angry. You put up with all the BS for those 4 years and he just up and leaves??? I'd be angry...for awhile. But you have to understand that it is the mind of an addict. They are not of the grown-up, deal-with-the-consequences world that we live in. They run, they hide, they drink...while we gloss it all over. It stinks to think you invested that time an energy and that HE has run off to the exact place you want to be. But you know what, take that anger and turn it into gratitude. No more fighting. No more suspicion. No more lying. No more feeling sick when you come home. No more insanity. Woo hoo!!!

You said that life isn't going to be what you planned. Did you plan on physically fighting the keys out of someone's hands for the rest of your life? Did you plan on lying to your family members? Did you plan on parenting an adult? Maybe it's a good thing that life won't be what you planned. It can be BETTER!

And, BTW, Alanon is a great tool for anyone whose been trapped in an alcoholic relationship. If we don't understand who we are and why we are drawn to that chaos, we will repeat the same mistakes. Believe me...oh believe me. LOL!

brutus10

You are funny SKW! Your post gave me a good laugh but also really made so much sense. I'm over here grieving the loss of what exactly?!?! I should be throwing a party!!!:day6

zrx1200R

yes. It is perfectly normal. And the anger will continue to grow. As well as resentment and frustration. You are dealing with someone who doesn't think like you. They say the sky is blue, but in their world it is another color.

I realize it is difficult to understand. But the collective wisdom of hundreds of years of dealing alcoholic spouses is here. And the collective wisdom has seen this exact thing countless times.

Keep reading. You are not alone.

Soon, you will see that YOU are the one with the power. Not him. You have the power to change your life. He only has the power to keep a stranglehold on your emotions if you let him. And only he has the power to fix himself.

Did I mention run away yet? You should.

LaPinturaBella

So what time should we arrive? Is this a formal event??? Seriously, I see your strength shining though in every post. You are looking at the reality, the scared man behind the curtain furiously flipping switches, turning dials and pushing buttons, instead of believing "The Great, Powerful, Omnipotent OZ" he had been trying to convince you he is. Looks like Toto did a great job of pulling back the curtain for you and you're believing what you know.

YAY!!!!

brutus10

Portia123

Yes, it is normal to be angry. Keep studying tools to take care of yourself. Your setting the boundary of not talking to him when he is drunk is a good start! God bless you and take good care!

Keplar

I tried the change of scenery thing. It actually seemed to make things worse. It seems the more I pushed, controlled and tried to change things, they only got worse.

LaPinturaBella

The problem is, these are deep seated problems underneath the actual drinking. You move somewhere new, you bring yourself and your problems with you. Te only way to fix it is to get help, to look deep inside, face the problems and work on them. Unfortunately, it's "easier" to drink and "forget" about the pain and its cause.