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Is this a start of a Stolen Moment

Old 06-02-2011, 04:30 PM
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Is this a start of a Stolen Moment

My son's graduating Monday and my Mom is flying in today. RAH had promised to chaulk the bathroom on his own(his idea) that he promised me months prior he would do before she got here. I dropped the subject but he again brought it up last night. I was over joyed!!! At his suggestion..Well..Right now is just a couple of hours before her arrival and he is "napping"...Not chaulking or even offering a helping hand with final touches.I totally fell for it that it would get done.. I had again expected a different result then before..Chaulking a tub seems such a small thing to most but the hurt and anger I feel is hard to shake off right now.. I wanted this weekend,his graduation and her visit to go flawless and be soo great..and the starts seems to have gone wrong already.Having had my son in my teens and with the troubles of RAH's addiction thru my sons childhood. He still made it good grades and a scholarship.While sober, Will RAH be soo hurtful that he will take this moment away from me..When can it be MY turn for joy..
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Old 06-02-2011, 05:18 PM
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Congrats to your graduate!

Hugs to you MOM (((hugs)))

This is an emotional milestone event for you. It's a big deal for us mom's.

I'm glad your mother will be there to share in this wonderful occasion.

No other advise, just sending support !
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Old 06-02-2011, 05:27 PM
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Congrats to your Son!!! My daughter is graduating too and AH says he will nto attend her graduation party. The things they can say and do are so hurtful at times. I try and read some Al-ANon literature and focus on that one day. It sucks, but we really just have to not depend on them for anything. It is like dealing with a big teenager instead of an equal caring partner.

Try and focus on you, your son and mom. I find we I take the focus off my AH, I do so much better and feel better too.

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Old 06-02-2011, 05:34 PM
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Try not to let him ruin your weekend. Let the bathtub thing go for now and do your best to enjoy your time with your Son and Mom. When I think of all the nice times I have let my AH sabotage, I get upset with him and myself.
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Old 06-02-2011, 07:12 PM
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Originally Posted by FLsunshine View Post
Will RAH be soo hurtful that he will take this moment away from me..When can it be MY turn for joy..
When you decide its time to stop letting this happen. No one can ruin anything for you unless you let them. No one can take a moment away from you unless you let them. No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

It's all in your attitude and mindset toward him. Lucky for us - that is something we can have the courage to change.
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Old 06-02-2011, 07:50 PM
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Congrats to your son. Enjoy the weekend with him and your mom. As for the tub. well look at it this way. Your HP has just given you a gentle reminder that this could be a good time to think about your future as well as your sons. You can't change your AH but you can change you.
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Old 06-02-2011, 08:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
When you decide its time to stop letting this happen. No one can ruin anything for you unless you let them. No one can take a moment away from you unless you let them. No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

It's all in your attitude and mindset toward him. Lucky for us - that is something we can have the courage to change.
OK, it does stink that HE suggested he caulk the tub and then blew it off. It's what they do...make promises and promptly forget them. However, a couple of things struck me..

1) See above.
2) It sounds like your are putting enormous pressure on yourself that the graduation and your mom's visit be perfect.
3) You can't control events. You can't make anything perfect, only God/HP can do that.
4) Relax, ENJOY the reason for the celebration and visit and ENJOY being with your son and mom.
5) I guarantee you, no one will ever remember that the tub wasn't caulked. But they WILL remember what a great weekend it was being with those they love the most in this world.

Congrats to DS.
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Old 06-03-2011, 05:37 AM
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Enjoy your mum's visit, and revel in your son's graduation. Ignore AH actions for this time, as they are really just the same old same old.

Frankly I can think of using the caulking gun somewhere other than your tub.

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Old 06-03-2011, 07:46 AM
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Chaulking? I barely even know what that is lol, sealing windows?

Try focusing on the time you have with your family instead of something so trivial
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Old 06-03-2011, 08:15 AM
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You guys are sooo right! The tub was a very small issue and there were other blessings to focus on. At that moment when i was writing the thread, i just couldnt get out of those feelings. Thanks soo much for the SR Bump. I read the posts and was able to redirect my feelings and focus point. Im learning to do this on my own but sometimes get stuck. Thanks again for the SR shove off the floor and back on my feet...
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Old 06-03-2011, 01:12 PM
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This place is great for that, isn't it?


Enjoy the visit! It sounds like you've got the makings of an awesome weekend, should you decide to have one.
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Old 06-04-2011, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by FLsunshine View Post
Chaulking a tub seems such a small thing to most but the hurt and anger I feel is hard to shake off right now..
I constantly had similar things with XAH. I finally realized it wasn't the "little" things, it was the constantly breaking of promises that had me feeling so hurt.

I'm glad SR helped you refocus. Enjoy the visit with your Mom and the graduation festivities!
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Old 06-04-2011, 11:30 AM
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Congratulations on your son's graduation. Have a wonderful time basking in the glow of this very special event. Try not to let anything your RAH does distract you from your joy in your son. Good job, Mom
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