Blogs


Notices

Why did I think today would be different?

Old 05-31-2011, 07:11 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Why did I think today would be different?

Today is my birthday. AH came to see the girls yesterday and said "I'd like to see you and bring you something for your birthday". As nice as pie I said "I appreciate the thought but what I want, if you want to do something for me, is to have the day just to myself with the girls". He continued and said that the "best memories" of his life are with me and he'd like to see me on my bday but would respect my wishes.

Guess what DID NOT happen?

Showed up, drunk at 5 am. I went outside (thank GOD the girls were not awake) and asked him to leave. He said he needed clothing for work. I ran in, got him clothing and brought it out. He handed me a sloppily written note and told me it was for me. The jist of it was I love you, I always will, you're a wonderful person blah blah blah.

I told him he either needed to leave that instant or I'd call the police. He swore at me, told me I was cold, ungrateful etc...

Pretty much did precisely what I should have predicted he would.

I really don't know why I thought that my bday would be any different than the other 364 days of the year. I guess I was in denial about the fact that he can't think of anyone's feelings but his own.

Just unreal.

The girls had cards for me-- which AH had also written notes on for me so I can't look at their cards without having to see his nonsense... So manipulative.

I'm frustrated with myself for even thinking for a second that he'd leave me alone for 24 hrs.

On a positive, I spent the weekend doing fun things with the girls; took them to their 1st baseball game, went dress shopping for my brothers' wedding, went to a friends' son's bday party, played in the sprinkler etc... So, I had a nice weekend with the girls which was great.
wanttobehealthy is offline  
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to wanttobehealthy For This Useful Post:
bookwyrm (05-31-2011), Buffalo66 (05-31-2011), Carol Star (05-31-2011), chicory (05-31-2011), Danae (05-31-2011), February (05-31-2011), Florence (05-31-2011), FLsunshine (05-31-2011), Impurrfect (05-31-2011), kudzujean (05-31-2011), MeredithD1 (05-31-2011), RollTide (06-01-2011), StarCat (06-01-2011), SteppingUp (05-31-2011), theuncertainty (05-31-2011)
Old 05-31-2011, 07:25 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Skipper
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
Ugh.

Well, Wanttobehealthy, Happy Birthday!! :day1

Let's start it on YOUR terms!
skippernlilg is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to skippernlilg For This Useful Post:
chicory (05-31-2011), Florence (05-31-2011)
Old 05-31-2011, 07:36 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 205
Happy Birthday!!!!
stepsforward is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to stepsforward For This Useful Post:
chicory (05-31-2011)
Old 05-31-2011, 07:41 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Linkmeister's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere in the big ole' world....
Posts: 545
:day2 to you, wanttobehealthy........

A big non-manipulative, sincere :ghug3 from me and puppy dog coming your way......
Linkmeister is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Linkmeister For This Useful Post:
chicory (05-31-2011)
Old 05-31-2011, 07:50 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
give the girls paper and crayons and tell them you love their first cards so much, would they please make you another?

happy birthday and glad you had a good day.
stella27 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to stella27 For This Useful Post:
Alone22 (05-31-2011), chicory (05-31-2011), kudzujean (05-31-2011)
Old 05-31-2011, 07:58 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 428
Happy Birthday WTBH! I'm sorry it started off on such a icky way, but you have the rest of your day in front of you. His illness is really screaming and it is quite ugly. Seems as if it has taken over any possibility to be reasonable and considerate. On my last birthday I ended up in tears with my AH screaming at me telling me things like I have ruined the last 10 years of his birthdays (on his birthday he usually acts like a kid would on theirs, king for the day kind of attitude). In a conversation we had recently he told me I still was upset about my birthday. Well duh nothing has changed and nothing has happened to help me get over it. I was so sad and depressed, but it was a piece in helping me find my way to alanon and SR.

I know you are making huge steps in getting away from him and I am sure this episode will only strengthen your mind set on what needs to happen. Sucks I know. We deserve better.
Alone22 is offline  
Old 05-31-2011, 08:01 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Happy Birthday!

Wow, I have been gone for a few weeks, but it sounds like he is just back in full swing. Totally, active drinking?

I am sorry for you.

But, it sounds like you are well enough detached to keep your mind clear and bright with the girls. I have been practicing this, too.
Buffalo66 is offline  
Old 05-31-2011, 08:30 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Tuffgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Blog Entries: 4


Have a great day in spite of him! Go do something nice for yourself...

Happy Birthday!
Tuffgirl is offline  
Old 05-31-2011, 08:36 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I promised the girls we'd get a cake after I pick them up from school and that seems to be all it takes for them to be over the moon happy!

I'm eager for my work day to be out so I can just spend some nice time with the girls....

I like the card idea! I don't think the girls were that into the 1st one they made anyway. D5 drew a picture of me smiling and AH in the background frowning and made a point of pointing that out to me and told me that "daddy told me to draw him that way because you maked him sad" (grammar is hers!). Who knows if he actually said that (I'd guess he did) but it just made me sad to see that even something innocent like kids making a card, gets turned into manipulation by him...
wanttobehealthy is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to wanttobehealthy For This Useful Post:
Alone22 (05-31-2011), chicory (05-31-2011), Danae (05-31-2011), MeredithD1 (05-31-2011), skippernlilg (05-31-2011), StarCat (06-01-2011), tjp613 (06-07-2011)
Old 05-31-2011, 08:58 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
FLsunshine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: FL
Posts: 63
Happy Birthday, and you do get a Birthday "Wish" when you blow out a candle..
FLsunshine is offline  
Old 05-31-2011, 09:04 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
m1k3's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Don't forget ice cream. You've got to have ice cream with birthday cake.

Have a wonderful and sane birthday with your girls.

m1k3 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to m1k3 For This Useful Post:
chicory (05-31-2011)
Old 05-31-2011, 10:18 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sylvie66's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ashland Oregon
Posts: 256
Happy Birthday! Just think what next year's celebration will be!

- Sylvie
Sylvie66 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Sylvie66 For This Useful Post:
chicory (05-31-2011)
Old 05-31-2011, 10:23 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 441
HAPPY BRITHDAY!!!

:day2:day6:day6

They are so ridiculous. Mine wants to celebrate our 23rd year anniversary this weekend!! PUH LEASE!! He walks around the house so miserable because he is finally realizing it is over. I can not wait to have my oenhouse without MR. DOOM and GLOOM! They really are sooo draining.
JACKRUSSELLGIRL is offline  
Old 05-31-2011, 11:24 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 152
Happy Birthday WTBH!!

Screw him! Don't let his effed up life eff up YOUR life! Hope you have a great day =)
bruingirl is offline  
Old 05-31-2011, 01:43 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Curled up in a good book...
 
bookwyrm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
bookwyrm is offline  
Old 05-31-2011, 01:49 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Shellcrusher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
7
Shellcrusher is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Shellcrusher For This Useful Post:
wanttobehealthy (05-31-2011)
Old 05-31-2011, 02:01 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Florence's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

For your birthday, the one thing I always, ALWAYS knew you wanted:



It's lovely. I'm particularly fond of the chest hair made of sprinkles. :rotfxko
Florence is offline  
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to Florence For This Useful Post:
Babyblue (05-31-2011), bookwyrm (06-01-2011), chicory (05-31-2011), February (05-31-2011), GettingBy (05-31-2011), lillamy (05-31-2011), MeredithD1 (05-31-2011), RollTide (06-01-2011), StarCat (06-01-2011), theuncertainty (05-31-2011), Tuffgirl (05-31-2011), wanttobehealthy (05-31-2011)
Old 05-31-2011, 04:35 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,523
Happy Birthday!!!

I know it's hard for an A to believe that you could possibly have a happy birthday without his sorry a$$, but you have the rest of your life to prove that it's not only possible, it's great!!!
lillamy is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lillamy For This Useful Post:
jackien41 (05-31-2011), wanttobehealthy (05-31-2011)
Old 05-31-2011, 05:06 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I had a wonderful rest of my day. I realized that I have so many great friends and family members (well, okay, friends mostly... my FOO is a bit wacky) and here's a synopsis of my day.

Early afternoon flowers were delivered to me at work. Freaked a bit thinking AH sent them like he did on our anniversary as a ploy to wear me down (didn't work then and just was a waste of $). My boss brought them in and was like "do you think these are from AH?". I was ready to toss them but opened the card and they were from a girlfriend that I met through a support group who has become a really good friend.

Then at the end of my work day my boss called me to her office and had a few of my work friends there too and they had a cake for me and we hung out, ate really good cake and laughed.

My mom got my girls early and got a cake and came over for dinner and cake and 2 of my brothers came over unexpectedly and joined us.

I had a really, really nice day/evening... Very low key, unexpected nice things happened, feeling good.

One minor blip. I offered my brothers a beer and it turned out that the bottles that have been sitting next to the fridge, untouched ( I thought ) that AH said he didn't want to toss and I wasn't about to toss them now that he's not living here-- well, all the bottles were empty but had been recapped. It was really awkward and my brothers made a joke of it and no one knew what to say and it was unsettling bc I didn't really know what to say. It's like there was a huge elephant in the room and no one wanted to touch it.

AH called repeatedly and I unplugged the phone after the 3rd call and we all had a nice evening... So, for a day that started out horribly, it has ended really nicely.

Thanks for all the kind and warm bday wishes.

Florence- I nearly peed my pants laughing at the Tom Selleck cake!!!! LOVE it.
wanttobehealthy is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to wanttobehealthy For This Useful Post:
bookwyrm (06-01-2011), Danae (05-31-2011), February (05-31-2011), Florence (06-01-2011), lillamy (06-01-2011), Linkmeister (05-31-2011), MeredithD1 (05-31-2011), StarCat (06-01-2011), Tuffgirl (05-31-2011)
Old 05-31-2011, 05:13 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Present
 
MeredithD1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,360
Blog Entries: 4
yea for you, my friend! I'm so glad you did all of the things you did, despite his interference. Happy Day After!
MeredithD1 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to MeredithD1 For This Useful Post:
wanttobehealthy (05-31-2011)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:01 PM.