Why did I think today would be different?
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Why did I think today would be different?
Today is my birthday. AH came to see the girls yesterday and said "I'd like to see you and bring you something for your birthday". As nice as pie I said "I appreciate the thought but what I want, if you want to do something for me, is to have the day just to myself with the girls". He continued and said that the "best memories" of his life are with me and he'd like to see me on my bday but would respect my wishes.
Guess what DID NOT happen?
Showed up, drunk at 5 am. I went outside (thank GOD the girls were not awake) and asked him to leave. He said he needed clothing for work. I ran in, got him clothing and brought it out. He handed me a sloppily written note and told me it was for me. The jist of it was I love you, I always will, you're a wonderful person blah blah blah.
I told him he either needed to leave that instant or I'd call the police. He swore at me, told me I was cold, ungrateful etc...
Pretty much did precisely what I should have predicted he would.
I really don't know why I thought that my bday would be any different than the other 364 days of the year. I guess I was in denial about the fact that he can't think of anyone's feelings but his own.
Just unreal.
The girls had cards for me-- which AH had also written notes on for me so I can't look at their cards without having to see his nonsense... So manipulative.
I'm frustrated with myself for even thinking for a second that he'd leave me alone for 24 hrs.
On a positive, I spent the weekend doing fun things with the girls; took them to their 1st baseball game, went dress shopping for my brothers' wedding, went to a friends' son's bday party, played in the sprinkler etc... So, I had a nice weekend with the girls which was great.
Guess what DID NOT happen?
Showed up, drunk at 5 am. I went outside (thank GOD the girls were not awake) and asked him to leave. He said he needed clothing for work. I ran in, got him clothing and brought it out. He handed me a sloppily written note and told me it was for me. The jist of it was I love you, I always will, you're a wonderful person blah blah blah.
I told him he either needed to leave that instant or I'd call the police. He swore at me, told me I was cold, ungrateful etc...
Pretty much did precisely what I should have predicted he would.
I really don't know why I thought that my bday would be any different than the other 364 days of the year. I guess I was in denial about the fact that he can't think of anyone's feelings but his own.
Just unreal.
The girls had cards for me-- which AH had also written notes on for me so I can't look at their cards without having to see his nonsense... So manipulative.
I'm frustrated with myself for even thinking for a second that he'd leave me alone for 24 hrs.
On a positive, I spent the weekend doing fun things with the girls; took them to their 1st baseball game, went dress shopping for my brothers' wedding, went to a friends' son's bday party, played in the sprinkler etc... So, I had a nice weekend with the girls which was great.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 428
Happy Birthday WTBH! I'm sorry it started off on such a icky way, but you have the rest of your day in front of you. His illness is really screaming and it is quite ugly. Seems as if it has taken over any possibility to be reasonable and considerate. On my last birthday I ended up in tears with my AH screaming at me telling me things like I have ruined the last 10 years of his birthdays (on his birthday he usually acts like a kid would on theirs, king for the day kind of attitude). In a conversation we had recently he told me I still was upset about my birthday. Well duh nothing has changed and nothing has happened to help me get over it. I was so sad and depressed, but it was a piece in helping me find my way to alanon and SR.
I know you are making huge steps in getting away from him and I am sure this episode will only strengthen your mind set on what needs to happen. Sucks I know. We deserve better.
I know you are making huge steps in getting away from him and I am sure this episode will only strengthen your mind set on what needs to happen. Sucks I know. We deserve better.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Happy Birthday!
Wow, I have been gone for a few weeks, but it sounds like he is just back in full swing. Totally, active drinking?
I am sorry for you.
But, it sounds like you are well enough detached to keep your mind clear and bright with the girls. I have been practicing this, too.
Wow, I have been gone for a few weeks, but it sounds like he is just back in full swing. Totally, active drinking?
I am sorry for you.
But, it sounds like you are well enough detached to keep your mind clear and bright with the girls. I have been practicing this, too.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I promised the girls we'd get a cake after I pick them up from school and that seems to be all it takes for them to be over the moon happy!
I'm eager for my work day to be out so I can just spend some nice time with the girls....
I like the card idea! I don't think the girls were that into the 1st one they made anyway. D5 drew a picture of me smiling and AH in the background frowning and made a point of pointing that out to me and told me that "daddy told me to draw him that way because you maked him sad" (grammar is hers!). Who knows if he actually said that (I'd guess he did) but it just made me sad to see that even something innocent like kids making a card, gets turned into manipulation by him...
I'm eager for my work day to be out so I can just spend some nice time with the girls....
I like the card idea! I don't think the girls were that into the 1st one they made anyway. D5 drew a picture of me smiling and AH in the background frowning and made a point of pointing that out to me and told me that "daddy told me to draw him that way because you maked him sad" (grammar is hers!). Who knows if he actually said that (I'd guess he did) but it just made me sad to see that even something innocent like kids making a card, gets turned into manipulation by him...
Happy Birthday, and you do get a Birthday "Wish" when you blow out a candle..
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 441
HAPPY BRITHDAY!!!
:day2:day6:day6
They are so ridiculous. Mine wants to celebrate our 23rd year anniversary this weekend!! PUH LEASE!! He walks around the house so miserable because he is finally realizing it is over. I can not wait to have my oenhouse without MR. DOOM and GLOOM! They really are sooo draining.
:day2:day6:day6
They are so ridiculous. Mine wants to celebrate our 23rd year anniversary this weekend!! PUH LEASE!! He walks around the house so miserable because he is finally realizing it is over. I can not wait to have my oenhouse without MR. DOOM and GLOOM! They really are sooo draining.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Happy Birthday!!! 
I know it's hard for an A to believe that you could possibly have a happy birthday without his sorry a$$, but you have the rest of your life to prove that it's not only possible, it's great!!!
I know it's hard for an A to believe that you could possibly have a happy birthday without his sorry a$$, but you have the rest of your life to prove that it's not only possible, it's great!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I had a wonderful rest of my day. I realized that I have so many great friends and family members (well, okay, friends mostly... my FOO is a bit wacky) and here's a synopsis of my day.
Early afternoon flowers were delivered to me at work. Freaked a bit thinking AH sent them like he did on our anniversary as a ploy to wear me down (didn't work then and just was a waste of $). My boss brought them in and was like "do you think these are from AH?". I was ready to toss them but opened the card and they were from a girlfriend that I met through a support group who has become a really good friend.
Then at the end of my work day my boss called me to her office and had a few of my work friends there too and they had a cake for me and we hung out, ate really good cake and laughed.
My mom got my girls early and got a cake and came over for dinner and cake and 2 of my brothers came over unexpectedly and joined us.
I had a really, really nice day/evening... Very low key, unexpected nice things happened, feeling good.
One minor blip. I offered my brothers a beer and it turned out that the bottles that have been sitting next to the fridge, untouched ( I thought ) that AH said he didn't want to toss and I wasn't about to toss them now that he's not living here-- well, all the bottles were empty but had been recapped. It was really awkward and my brothers made a joke of it and no one knew what to say and it was unsettling bc I didn't really know what to say. It's like there was a huge elephant in the room and no one wanted to touch it.
AH called repeatedly and I unplugged the phone after the 3rd call and we all had a nice evening... So, for a day that started out horribly, it has ended really nicely.
Thanks for all the kind and warm bday wishes.
Florence- I nearly peed my pants laughing at the Tom Selleck cake!!!! LOVE it.
Early afternoon flowers were delivered to me at work. Freaked a bit thinking AH sent them like he did on our anniversary as a ploy to wear me down (didn't work then and just was a waste of $). My boss brought them in and was like "do you think these are from AH?". I was ready to toss them but opened the card and they were from a girlfriend that I met through a support group who has become a really good friend.
Then at the end of my work day my boss called me to her office and had a few of my work friends there too and they had a cake for me and we hung out, ate really good cake and laughed.
My mom got my girls early and got a cake and came over for dinner and cake and 2 of my brothers came over unexpectedly and joined us.
I had a really, really nice day/evening... Very low key, unexpected nice things happened, feeling good.
One minor blip. I offered my brothers a beer and it turned out that the bottles that have been sitting next to the fridge, untouched ( I thought ) that AH said he didn't want to toss and I wasn't about to toss them now that he's not living here-- well, all the bottles were empty but had been recapped. It was really awkward and my brothers made a joke of it and no one knew what to say and it was unsettling bc I didn't really know what to say. It's like there was a huge elephant in the room and no one wanted to touch it.
AH called repeatedly and I unplugged the phone after the 3rd call and we all had a nice evening... So, for a day that started out horribly, it has ended really nicely.
Thanks for all the kind and warm bday wishes.
Florence- I nearly peed my pants laughing at the Tom Selleck cake!!!! LOVE it.
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