m1k3

and it's been great. I got my own apartment and I love it.

But, got a call from my AW about how much this is costing, told her I can afford it and if she's worried about money she should get a job.

Then I get a long email this afternoon about how she's sorry she fussed about the money and then went on to tell me about how her rehab is going. She told me about how she went to several meetings and hard this was to do without me. She said that some of those losers had been going for over a year and still had to come back to get their weekly pat on the back. ARRRRRRRRRRGH!

She will never get it. Just because she's in rehab doesn't mean she's in recovery.

Of course my codie had to jump in to the mix and say look how much she misses you and how is she going to get through this without me. I HATE my codie but at least I can recognize when he is trying to take control now.

I guess this is all part of the process and I'm just looking for some .

Thanks for listening.

lillamy

Good for you for standing your ground. My AXH told me, while in rehab, that if I didn't come there and support him at the family meetings, I was basically dooming his recovery.

That's when I knew he hadn't gotten it yet.

You're wise to let your AW deal with this without getting involved. And you're wise to recognize the codie wanting to take over. Good work.

GettingBy

Aw mike... You inspired me to look for a place to rent. I know my attorney says it's better to stay together until the house is sold... But I just want freedom. The freedom you wrote about. I want to be on my own.... Living MY life.

Thank you for your post. You are an inspiration!!


Ignore your AW... It's all empty promises and quacking. I went through it with my AH this week. All sorts of "talk"... But his actions screamed,"I am not going to change!!!". I need to learn how to turnoff the volume and watch the "movie" on mute.. It's a more truthful story.

Any who... Enjoy your apartment tonight!!

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Here ya go and enjoy that new apartment!!

m1k3

Thanks for the support! It was exactly what I needed.

This is a difficult path to follow but I believe I can make it with the strong, supportive and wise friends I have found here.

m1k3

One of the things that amazed me was that shee was turned off by the people who wanted to hug her.

What I wouldn't give to know you fine people in person an to return your hugs. You all are truly my brothers and sisters.

February

My AH is STILL over 18 months later blaming me for abandoning him while he was at treatment. Yes it must really be hard to go through that without me, but after pushing me away with his emotional and physical absences for years, how would a rational person expect their spouse to keep coming back for more? I used his rehab to get out. Good for you - I wish you much happiness and peace in your new place!

BobbyJ

Okay...Mike..

Just to make you laugh "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" lol

YOU WROTE: Just because she's in rehab doesn't mean she's in recovery

I WROTE: Yep, that is exactly was and is my XAH (divorce was just final yesterday)
Rehab, AA, and still no recovery...I had no choice for me, except to say goodbye...

LaPinturaBella

So sorry she's still quacking instead of taking advantage of this opportunity. You, however, sound like you're doing great and are well on your way to getting you back! Enjoy your new pad!!!

BobbyJ

I have been on my own since Feb, when he packed up and moved across the US

It does get easier
I do have my days
I do have my nights
I had lots of lonely days & nights
I will have more
But I do have peace & quiet in each one of them
If I want chaos and embrassment, now I will be the only one to create it

I look out the window at his truck, and I cringe, as I vision him
sitting in there drunk & coming inside mean

I am really learning to enjoy my peace & quiet

It does get easier...

I get invited to all kinds of parties, bbqs, but I really dont like
to go that much right now. I am loving my quiet space!!!

Alone22

Mike, boy do I hear ya on having that codie voice in my head. When AH does something positive and what could be moving in the right direction I can feel myself get soft. I start to downplay his issues and the problems in our marriage, which is NOT okay. Isn't it nice to know the difference between actively being in recovery and simply going to meetings? That in it self has really helped me to get a grip on my thoughts. When I hear AH tell me that he stopped drinking, is going to AA but then throws in a statement like "but why should I even try if you don't give me credit for doing those things"... hummm you should want it for YOU and it shouldn't matter what my reaction is, period.

Hang in there, you are moving in the right direction.

Tuffgirl

Here, here! Me, too! After all the chaos, anger, fighting... coming home, going to sleep and waking up to a quiet house is such a welcome relief! Yeah, sometimes I am lonely for companionship and then I remember what that was like...I've been lonely for that for a looong time. Right now, I just want to enjoy my own company.

barb dwyer

hang in, hon.

You sound like you're keeping our perspective
that's the key right now.

skippernlilg

Hey, Mike,

Look at YOU!! So, I'm about 12 days ahead of you 'on my own', so I thought I'd post to you about what it looks like from here:

I'm finding myself SMILING now!! I wasn't even sure that could happen!

There are even moments of spontaneous laughter.

Here's more: I'm living more In. The. Moment. (stop the presses!! giggle)

I'm finding myself looking forward more than back. I am appreciating TODAY!! And sometimes think of yesterday as a gift to teach me to embrace today even better.

This is your future talking, Mike.

I hope to find you close to here in 12 days.