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Those 4 a.m. phone calls

Old 05-28-2011, 01:53 PM
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Those 4 a.m. phone calls

Man, I did not expect XABF to actually have the nerve to call me drunk and hysterical in the middle of the night (his usual routine) after everything. Why did I answer? Was half asleep and disoriented, force of habit I guess. He started ranting hysterically about how everyone in his life rejects and insults him... family, roommates, coworkers, friends (who are really just alkie pals), acquaintances, random women he chased who were frightened off by his condition. Blaming everyone and anyone, hatred and anger seething. Said he was going to kill himself or someone else if I didn't come help him. Asked me if I'd come visit him in prison.

Anyway, I just started cracking up after he Hung up on me in anger. It's like the denial on my end is really gone and I see him and the relationship for what it truly is now. Something shifted in my thinking. SR probably has a lot to do with that!

I have let go of the dream and accepted reality. Still have a long way to go, but for the first time in a year I am actually really looking forward to getting my life , health, happiness, and sense of humor back!

Reading all of your stories and posting here is so helpful. Thank you all so much!
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Old 05-28-2011, 03:02 PM
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Good for you nicam!!

Even in a sleep-addled state in the wee hours, you were able to see through that phone call and see that it held nothing for you. You cannot control what he does or doesn't do and no matter how he ranted that fact was a reflex for you. You stayed grounded and let him burn out like a sparkler on the fourth of July...fizzle....he retreated in a huff as quickly as he arrived.

It is amazing what good recovery can do!!
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Old 05-28-2011, 03:31 PM
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turn phone off! The world will not stop rotating. No one will be turned involuntarily into a cannibal.

Good on you for seeing what it was so clearly. Bravo.

If your work demands you be available on the phone 24/7, demand they give you a cell phone. And give no one else the number. Problem solved.

He will call again. Promise.
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Old 05-28-2011, 04:51 PM
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Originally Posted by zrx1200R View Post
turn phone off! The world will not stop rotating. No one will be turned involuntarily into a cannibal.

Good on you for seeing what it was so clearly. Bravo.

If your work demands you be available on the phone 24/7, demand they give you a cell phone. And give no one else the number. Problem solved.

He will call again. Promise.
Ha, I just went out and bought an actual alarm clock radio (like it's 1999) so I don't have to rely on my phone to wake me up in the morning for work. I get up at 7 a.m., and with XABF calling me incoherent every night in the middle of the night begging to be rescued I haven't been getting much sleep these days. Now I can turn my phone off at night before going to sleep.

Sleep is so high on the list of things I sacrificed for this relationship, just so excited to get that and everything else back!
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Old 05-28-2011, 05:18 PM
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nicam!!

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Old 05-28-2011, 05:58 PM
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Originally Posted by nicam View Post
Ha, I just went out and bought an actual alarm clock radio (like it's 1999) so I don't have to rely on my phone to wake me up in the morning for work.
LOL! That's funny...as I look at my alarm clock from 1999 and feel very old somehow.

My daughters get so upset if I take their phones when they are in trouble and give them my old alarm clock instead - so insulting.

You'll be glad you stopped the madness. Good move!
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Old 05-28-2011, 06:31 PM
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a goodnight's sleep is one of the best gifts you can give yourself...you awake with a fresh perspective and sense of wellbeing.

poof! all the nightmares of the screaming, whiney BF are gone...he will feel ultra craptastic the next morning and you will feel great....thanks to mr alarm clock.

PS>>>>usually your cable TV has an alarm too that can easily be setwith the remote or TV itself..
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Old 05-29-2011, 07:50 AM
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love YOUR line when you said..."accepted reality"

you got it girl!!
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:28 AM
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Originally Posted by fourmaggie View Post
love YOUR line when you said..."accepted reality"

you got it girl!!
Why is this such a hard thing to do? I put up with 13 years of insanity before I finally left. Looking back it seems so obvious but why did I take so long.

Nicam, way to go. Enjoy your sleep.
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