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Is there really nothing more i can do

Old 06-08-2011, 12:13 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Heartbreaking story, I'm sorry you have to endure this. I've been sober a long time and when I look back to my drinking days I see so much self-destructiveness. To me personally it's what this disease is about. Alas, no, nothing you can do abut her but you CAN help yourself. by going to Al-anon. And, agreeing to talk to her when she's drunk is enabling her.
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Old 06-11-2011, 10:54 AM
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Hi Brighton, thank you for sharing with me how you have been getting on. Im really truly sorry for your loss and the grief you find yourself facing. One thing i have learnd from my studies was a lot about grief and you may take some comfort (maybe not alot right now) in knowing the feelings you fell will ease and you will come to a point of acceptance. Acceptance of what happened and your role in your mums life. Things right now will be a blur (im presuming, not really knowing) but with time things will become clearer for you. What ever i say isnt going to change how you feel, but with time things will be okay. Time is a great healer. Its important to be gentle with yourself thru this tough time. Allow yourself the time to grieve, its okay to do so. If you ever need to chat or just vent, im here for you. You can PM me anytime you like if things become too much or unmanagable. Look after yourself and take care. You will be in my thoughts.
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Old 06-11-2011, 11:36 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by LuvInDaisy View Post
Here's the thing. I can take a look at my life. And really take a closer look at this
becuase these are the things I'll forget or leave out when I'm consume
or worn out of being in a toxic realtionship. When I'm mentally and emotionally
in fog.

When I talk or inneract with other people asside from my alki/addict partner.
9 times out of ten people will tell me I'm easy going, slow to anger, have a sence
of humor, reliable, honest, kind, loving..ect Bascially FUNCTIONAL, a decent, healthy person.
Huh?!! Im confused!

What do you mean? Do you mean that your personality is different around your partner then when your not? Not being around your partner your moods/feelings are better and more managable? Or have i missed the point completely?!!!
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Old 06-11-2011, 12:18 PM
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Hmm.. I wonder if your panic attacks and agoraphobia (I'm assuming you have it-correct me if I'm wrong) are related to your interactions with your alcoholic mother?

I'm just saying..

If al-anon can possibly help you deal better with your alcoholic mother, you may find some indirect help for your panic attacks/anxiety..


Originally Posted by CheekyAngel View Post
@ sandrawg -
i am really working on myself atm and maybe one day but today im sorry, i cant put myself in that situation. I would be setting myself up for failure. Failure as in id have a couple of anxiety attacks and feel like $hit walking out. Its not easy and im working on it as best i can. Im putting myself thru exposure now and to go to a group setting is waaay to much for me right now. Thanks

@ hopeworks -
thank you for you knowledge, im going to take a further look into some options you gave me - god i duno even where to start! Im going to ring my uncle i think, he knows alot of stuff about that kinda thing so he would be best to contact. Thanks

@ Brighton -
well she rang me there a while ago, sounds pretty messed up and what hurts is i can hear the fear, sadness and lonelyness in her voice. But at the moment shes still breathing so i dont really know how to answer your more. If what you mean by asking me "Have you managed to do what you said you wanted to do?" is try one more time to help her, yea, i tried, i couldnt do anything. I went down and spend the day with her. As much as i wanted to leave, i also wanted to saviour the moment. She was drunk but she wasnt bad or abusive so i was able to sit there without getting fustrated (much!). I went thru all the cards i had and none of them played any game for her. Shes not going to get help i dont think. Ah well, ive tried and theres nothing really more that i can do. I just find it hard to listen to her when shes upset/scared about her situation and then not do anything about it and she come crying to me. I dont want to leave her to be scared or upset on her own, so ill take the call and listen to her sobbing down the phone. I would rather take the call then not take it and discover the worst the following day. Its like i look at those calls now as maybe my last conversation with her - nice conversation, her drunkeness. So as of now i think when i get in contact with my uncle, im finished trying. Im not finished caring, just trying. Sorry that go a bit long, just felt i needed to say that. How are you holding up yourself Brighton? I remember your story, it really touched me. Hope you coping well. And that you for asking, it actully ment alot.
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Old 06-11-2011, 12:20 PM
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I think the point here is that interacting with an alcoholic turns us into people we are NOT with normal people.

And also, the alcoholic will constantly deflect BLAME onto us, and make us feel guilty. I can say that NO ONE in my life thinks I am "crazy" like my alcoholic ex bf thinks I am. He's projecting all of our relationship problems onto ME, because that's what alcoholics do. It's probably one of the few things they are good at...projection and deflection of blame!

Originally Posted by CheekyAngel View Post
Huh?!! Im confused!

What do you mean? Do you mean that your personality is different around your partner then when your not? Not being around your partner your moods/feelings are better and more managable? Or have i missed the point completely?!!!
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Old 06-11-2011, 04:33 PM
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Cheeky you sound like a truly selfless person who puts everyone elses needs before your own. Your post to me is complete evidence of this as I was replying to you on your thread about your situation and yet you offer me help. I think that you really need to realise what an amazing person you are but also need to realise that you also could do with some support. If you read the sticky on 'guilt' (scroll up to the top) I bet you will recogise yourself in the description, I know I did. Thanks for offer of venting and I offer you the same as it seems we have both experienced/are experiencing a similar thing.
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Old 06-11-2011, 04:36 PM
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Sorry that sticky is from adult children of alcoholics not this forum.
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Old 06-12-2011, 09:15 AM
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@ Sandrawg -
No im not agrophobic, it feels like i am tho coz its REALLY difficult to leave the comfort of my own home, but i can and i do so im not agrophobic per say! I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder, a Specific Phobia and OCD Thinking. The 3 of them all in any social situation makes me want the world to open up and swallow me. But yeah, i think the root cause of my mental health problems stems from my mother. Becoz the logic of it is, when i was a child coming home from school for example i would fear what id find or what would happen us or be said. As well, when you are under constant stress/chronic stress, you are more likly to develop MH conditions. Its just the way it is. So yeah, your on the button! I never seen the relation you have seen there with al-anon that may help the anxiety related to my mother. I thank you for showing me that but i will also say that due to my mother not living here anymore the chronic stress we were all under is greatly reduced which means i can now begin to try and recover from the anxiety disorders, where as if she was in the house, with all the stress it would be near impossible. But thanks, its something i will strongly think about.

@ Brighton -
When i first read your msg i thought the word was selfish and i was like "what?", but then i read it again and see what you ment. I had a look at the sticky and yeah alot of it fits. I used to be waaay worse. I put my needing to feel needed into something productive now tho. I put it into my volunteering and studies. My first class 3years ago my teacher said to us "alot of us are here becoz we proberly need to feel needed" and i never knew what he was meaning by that. Now since i have gathered information and learnt alot about my self i get it. I dont mind reaching out to others. I genuinely like doing it, and its in my nature now, but maybe there are times i have to step back for myself and think of my own needs. . Thanks!
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