BobbyJ

Well today is it..The divorce is final..."Wow" is all I can say..

Yesterday he calls me at work.
He wants to know: Why are you divorcing me?, Is there a chance of us
ever getting back together?, Whats the rush?, Do you still love me?

He tells me: He is sober, He is going to AA now
He tells me that his AA class is "Wild". The class is suppose to start at 7pm.
But it didnt start on time. At 7:20pm a guy throws down the gavel and yells, Okay, Mother F. class has begun..Shortly after, the lights are turned out and they all held candles and continued on with class.

He laughs, and said "OMG, I cant wait to go back next week, it was a blast"

Then he switches lanes to: "I knew you would listen to your freaking Alanon friends and girlfriends and your physco mother" Come on, Is this what you really want?

I totally lost it....I think I actually got red in the face!!!

I told him: If you were in TRUE recovery, you would not being throwing my friends and family into the pile. You would TRUELY understand, the damage that you have done to everyone!!!... and yourself!!!
Love, does not hurt and it does not call your wife a ***** and it does not leave your wife with all of the financial burdens.
But alcoholism does...So BUCK UP & GO GET SOME HELP!!! and quit calling me at work...I have to make a living!!

And quit thinking there is another man in my life, Im leaning more towards becoming a freaking nun!!


Then I hung up...

Im not a drinker, but I think tonight I will go drink 108 beers!!

Divorce is not easy, but staying married to an alcoholic is beyond crazy!!

catlovermi

:ghug3

chicory

Congrats on your new start in life. I hope that you find peace. maybe some extended time between calls from your xah will show you what that feels like

hugs
chicory

banisheggshells

Congratulations!!!!!!!

You did a big, hard, difficult thing: be proud of your strength!

(now, block that number at work LOL!)

Impurrfect

I agree...welcome to your new life. Hoping that, at some point, you will either not answer his calls or say something like "busy, gotta go". I know it took time for me to get to that point with my XABF's. However, I do like your response to him

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Alone22

You are free to go on and live whatever life you choose! Even though it made you mad to talk to him I have to say I love what you said back to him! IMHO you said what you wanted to say, needed to say, but now you need to be done with it, with him. Like the others said, block his number, get off the phone asap when you find out it is him, and go on and live your life!

Ladybug0130

"And quit thinking there is another man in my life, Im leaning more towards becoming a freaking nun!!"

LOL, boy can I relate! My soon to be ex is convinced I am having an affair because in his mind, why else would I want a divorce! He doesn't seem to realize that trying to deal with his antics and raising two little kids leaves me very little time or energy to be worrying about dating!

Tuffgirl

Hugs BobbyJ. I feel your pain and craziness today (and considering the cheetah pants but definitely painting this weekend!)

One more step toward saneness and normalcy. Good for you. Sucks, though, huh?!

BobbyJ

Well, I didnt go out and drink 108 beers to celebrate the divorce.

After work, I called my girlfriends & told them I am now legally single.
It struck me really odd, they hooped & hollared, and shouted for joy
even said, congratulations...

Congratulations??
I was like WTF?
I have sat here all night with those words ringing thru my head over and over...

Really dont know what I expected to hear. It was just odd to hear.

And of course everyone wants to know about "THE RING"
What are you going to do with your ring?
Are you going to sell it?

I sat there and shook my head like a wet dog & wondered if I heard them
right...

Inside, Im yelling, LISTEN!!! I just lost my husband & marriage to alcohol,
dont you understand???

I would say, Im am "OVERLY TIRED" and really need to get some sleep.

Another day down...

LaPinturaBella

I won't say congratulations, because it is a loss. However, I will say that from this moment forward, I hope you have peace, joy, serenity, pure bliss and the life you want!!! It took a lot of strength to walk away, but it is strength showing that BobbyJ values herself and knows she is worth the entire universe. That, my dear, is phenomenal.

Pelican

Yes, so many emotions at the surface today. ((((hugs))))

I congratulate you on having the insight to notice your feelings and the maturity to allow them to surface.

Sending support and encouragement as you continue One Day at a Time!!

Latte

No matter what the marriage was like, it's always hard to end a relationship. Welcome to a new start. It sounds like you've already grown by leaps and bounds, welcome to years of positive growth.

outonalimb

I thought the day my divorce became final would feel like a celebration.

Instead, it was just a really sad day.

I didn't go out to celebrate. I just went home and said a prayer that God would lead me where I needed to go.

Be patient and extra kind to yourself right now.
You've got a great new life waiting for you...

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Oh I feel for you. I have been thinking about when things will be final and it makes me sad and relieved at the same time. Keep posting here because others, that have not walked in our shoes, don't understand that we never wanted this and were forced into because of very very sad disease that slowly takes our loved ones.

:ghug3:ghug3:ghug3

BHF

He tells me that his AA class is "Wild". The class is suppose to start at 7pm. But it didnt start on time. At 7:20pm a guy throws down the gavel and yells, Okay, Mother F. class has begun..Shortly after, the lights are turned out and they all held candles and continued on with class.

Hmmm... AA "class" is wild, starts 20 minutes late, chair addresses the group as motherf*****s, and they have a candle ceremony as you would see on TV. You don't think that he might not be going to AA at all and just giving you his best guess at what he assumes goes on, do ya?

If that is an actual AA meeting, I strongly suggest that he find another group.

barb dwyer

thank you thank you thank you BHF - my thoughts exactly!

theuncertainty

BobbyJ, just in case you're wondering, your feelings are completely normal (IMO). I think the main feelings I had the day mine was done were relief ('well, sh-t, THAT part is done') and stunned disbelief (THAT's it?).

Ah, the ring. I still have mine sitting on my dresser. It wasn't really from him, though. I went and found it and bought it. It's beautiful. A 1920's simple white gold antique with a floral design. Some days I want to chuck it into the inlet, but I bought it, it's mine. I may try to come up with a 'ceremony' to rechristen it as a symbol as a commitment to myself and wear it on my other hand. (kind of what it was anyway).

Anyway, time enough to deal with that later. Take a (short or long) while to adjust. Take gentle care of yourself.

Ponder

Ah the ring and what to do with it. I'm one of those frugal people that just couldn't see pitching it. Hell it wasn't the rings fault my ex was an ass. However, the ring as a whole did carry the stigma and stench of jerk-off.. So, I took it to a jeweler and had them put the diamond in a brand new setting, added a few gemstones, and walla, a new ring with no bad memories. Then I went and married my owndamnself. Said vows like love and honor, with a few things like I will never be a doormat again, never let abuse into my life again.. etc. thrown in.