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Losing my mind

Old 05-26-2011, 06:06 PM
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Losing my mind

I feel like I am losing it . Married to my AH for only 4 1/2 yrs ,He did not drink at all when we met or were married but started shortly after , which I later found out was a relapse.Had no clue what alcoholism was before him , except from a dictionary . Was made to feel like it was all my fault . Only recently have I accepted that it is not . Can not even count the many times I have been embarassed , mentally abused and cursed out . All the ruined occasions , vacations which I will not repeat as I have read many of the same stories. He was in detox 4 times last year , just lost his 6th job of the year. On Sunday we were up in the country and had to leave early to get back home to go to work Monday .Needless to say he was in no condition to go and when I attempted to tell him we have to go home he flipped on me . Even tried to call the cops that I was taking my own car . I just left , a friend drove me 3 hrs home to avoid a scene . I have not called him , was having such a peaceful week . Well he called just now and proceeded to tell me it was all my fault but I should forgive him . I just said that I have no forgiveness left for him and to please not call me anymore. Now I am all shaking and he keeps dialing me over and over again .But I will not pick. So now its the same feelings of despair just crushing me. I thought I had no more tears left . I am so angry , mostly at myself for even staying this long all in the hopes of getting the man I married back . He thinks he is too good to go to AA , I even went to try to understand this disease , but he is above that .
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Old 05-26-2011, 06:27 PM
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Old 05-26-2011, 06:28 PM
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Originally Posted by DetachedWife View Post
I feel like I am losing it . Married to my AH for only 4 1/2 yrs ,He did not drink at all when we met or were married but started shortly after , which I later found out was a relapse.Had no clue what alcoholism was before him , except from a dictionary . Was made to feel like it was all my fault . Only recently have I accepted that it is not . Can not even count the many times I have been embarassed , mentally abused and cursed out . All the ruined occasions , vacations which I will not repeat as I have read many of the same stories. He was in detox 4 times last year , just lost his 6th job of the year. On Sunday we were up in the country and had to leave early to get back home to go to work Monday .Needless to say he was in no condition to go and when I attempted to tell him we have to go home he flipped on me . Even tried to call the cops that I was taking my own car . I just left , a friend drove me 3 hrs home to avoid a scene . I have not called him , was having such a peaceful week . Well he called just now and proceeded to tell me it was all my fault but I should forgive him . I just said that I have no forgiveness left for him and to please not call me anymore. Now I am all shaking and he keeps dialing me over and over again .But I will not pick. So now its the same feelings of despair just crushing me. I thought I had no more tears left . I am so angry , mostly at myself for even staying this long all in the hopes of getting the man I married back . He thinks he is too good to go to AA , I even went to try to understand this disease , but he is above that .
DetachedWife,
Welcome to a great support. You will find more people who understand and have been where you are. just hang around, read the stickies at the top of the faf page, and you will find help here.
There is life after the misery, the sadness, and the sickness. do you have an alanon group close by? nothing like being able to be understood and validated. the a's in our lives break us down, little by little. they will destroy us with blame, and the anxiety.
please know you are not alone. and many have come back from the brink of insanity. it just takes learning how to take the focus off him, and put it on the only thing you can fix- you.
you did not cause it, cannot cure it, and cannot control it.
and you can get away from it. they may never change, but if they do, it wont be the result of anything that you have done.

sending a hug,
chicory
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Old 05-26-2011, 07:03 PM
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Welcome to SR DetachedWife. I'm so sorry that you had to seek us out, but am glad you found us. Please keep posting and reading to get a better understanding of what this horrible disease called addiction does to individuals, families, and friends. We are all here to listen and to offer support and advice to you. Hang in there!
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Old 05-26-2011, 07:17 PM
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Welcome. The support here is wonderful. As others recommended I would also seek out and go to alanon. Both will really really help. You need to focus on you and heal you. SR and Alanon will give you the tools you need to do so.

Hugs.
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Old 05-26-2011, 09:35 PM
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Check out the stickies ~ there's a lot of really useful information.

Like you, I had never seen alcoholism up close and personal until now. I've been with my ABF almost 5 years. Unfortunately, I left left our shared abode a few weeks ago. Fortunately, we're still seeing each other. I've given myself a year to ease into the next phase, whether that involves him or not.

You're not alone. Keep talking, we're listening.

- Sylvie
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Old 05-27-2011, 05:07 PM
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Well, God bless you you're not detached yet, but it's nice to know you are working on it. On another note, AA is not for you-- it's for him. Alanon is for you and you might consider giving it a try-- it saved my life. Keep an open mind, try at least six meetings before deciding if it is for you (some different), and go from there.

Also, and I'm sure you already know this, you didn't cause his alcoholism, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. But, you can contribute to it by enabling the behaviors and shielding him from the consequences of his drinking (and it sounds like you are ready to stop enabling).

Take care, take what you want, and leave the rest.

Cyranoak
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Old 05-27-2011, 05:39 PM
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Welcome to SR, DetachedWife. I am so sorry for what you're going through. I hated the sound of my phone ringing after I left XAH. Any chance you can tell your friends and family where you are, that you're OK, and turn off the phone for a while? Just so you have a few days of calm.

Wishing you a peaceful weekend and continued strength.
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