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Filed Divorce

Old 05-26-2011, 01:28 PM
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Filed Divorce

Well, it's done. I met with the lawyer today and filed for a divorce. I also put in a temporary court order suspending any unsupervised time between my AW and the lad. This will happen next Tuesday so I'll remain at home with the boy, unless I can lay down a plan for him and I to visit my parents for the weekend.

We've been advised to pack our stuff and head to my parents for the week starting Tuesday.
Sometime within 7 days, we'll have a court date to review the temporary order. I did this to protect both me and my son as well as give us some peace away from the AW. I don't know how my AW will react and I don't want to be there so I now have the courts suspending her parenting rights.

Once that time is up, we'll both be under court orders not to cause any trouble with each other. Ultimately, she won't be "under my dictatorship" anymore. She'll be under the courts thumb. So will I, but I don't have the addictions.

In my other thread, there was concern regarding my videos. It is in fact admissible in my county and will be used to prove safety for the best interests of the child.

I'm going full blast here. For such a long time, I've been quietly fighting this battle and not unleashing the beast. Not anymore.

I put myself back on autopilot but I have a plan. My entire life with this women, I've been manipulated all the while, I remained honest and true to everything in life. Since the petition does not happen until next Tuesday, my AW will get a taste of her own medicine. I'll probably apologize today for any mean things I've said to her and let her know that I want to work on this...

Perhaps those things are pipe dreams but I'm sticking to it. Wish me luck and keep up the prayers.
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:36 PM
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Best of luck to you in this and my prayers. I've separated from my AW last week and I know divorce is in the future. I promised her I wouldn't make any decisions while she was in rehab but I know that I can never live with her again.

As Tiny Tim would say God bless us every one.
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:39 PM
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From reading your prior posts, it seems as if you are doing what you have been forced to do, based on her addiction/actions. However, do NOT fall into the trap of using the divorce proceeding as a game to see who can one-up the other. It's not. It's hard to even attempt to remain emotionally detached during this process, but try. If you "unleash the beast" and go above and beyond what is necessary to protect your interests and that of your child, it breeds bad blood between all involved, is time consuming and expensive.
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:39 PM
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Hi Shellcrusher,

I was just thinking about you. So glad to hear you went ahead and filed. Stay strong.....
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:52 PM
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To me, this is good news. You have your priorities straight.

Keep moving forward.
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Old 05-26-2011, 02:03 PM
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Originally Posted by BHF View Post
From reading your prior posts, it seems as if you are doing what you have been forced to do, based on her addiction/actions. However, do NOT fall into the trap of using the divorce proceeding as a game to see who can one-up the other. It's not. It's hard to even attempt to remain emotionally detached during this process, but try. If you "unleash the beast" and go above and beyond what is necessary to protect your interests and that of your child, it breeds bad blood between all involved, is time consuming and expensive.
What?
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Old 05-26-2011, 02:09 PM
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*prayers for clarity and forward movement*

*and sweet dreams for the kiddies*
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Old 05-26-2011, 02:24 PM
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Since your boy is too young to say it, I will say it for him:

"Thanks for protecting me and thanks for making sure I will have a stable life when I am with you"

You rock!
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Old 05-26-2011, 02:51 PM
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I'm glad to hear you are moving forward Shell!!

Be careful how you use your anger... don't let it blind you and make short sighted decisions.

Sending lots of prayers your way.
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Old 05-26-2011, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Shellcrusher View Post
What?
I don't know how to state it any clearer. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you're going to war with your soon to be ex-wife. You're not. You're going through a divorce. Do what is necessary to protect your best interests and your child. No need to try to destroy one another in the process by "unleashing the beast".

Just advice to do with as you please.
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Old 05-26-2011, 02:57 PM
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Hang in there Shell. Sending you more positive thoughts and prayers. I know this sucks.
~T
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Old 05-26-2011, 02:58 PM
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Hugs, prayers and thoughts coming to you, Shellcrusher.
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Old 05-26-2011, 02:59 PM
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You, your boy, and your stbxAW are in my thoughts and prayers as you move forward. I've never read anything in any of your posts that would lead me to believe you would behave in a vindictive or over the top manner toward your AW. It sounds to me as though you are doing what you need to do to protect yourself and your son.

I know, from personal experience, how hard divorce can be. We are walking with you.
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Old 05-26-2011, 03:06 PM
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My thoughts are with you during this most difficult time my friend.
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Old 05-26-2011, 03:14 PM
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Originally Posted by BHF View Post
I don't know how to state it any clearer. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you're going to war with your soon to be ex-wife. You're not. You're going through a divorce. Do what is necessary to protect your best interests and your child. No need to try to destroy one another in the process by "unleashing the beast".

Just advice to do with as you please.
Okay. I'm a pretty black and white person as well.

I understand your point. My post was written for me and those who've been helping me through this by offering their support, prayers and well wishes.

Just so that you're clear on my analogies, my beast is the divorce. I've unleashed it.

The war has been going on for many years. Nothing has changed. I've just decided to hand it over to my HP and my lawyer to fight now. I've got work to do for me and my son.

I will always and currently am doing everything I can for me and my son to ensure we're safe and healthy and no longer exposed to a toxic environment.

I'm getting my advice from my lawyer on this.

Perhaps by sharing this experience, I'm helping myself but I'm also hoping there's something somebody can do something with as they please.

I appreciate your thoughts.
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Old 05-26-2011, 03:24 PM
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Wow Shell, I am so happy (does that sound nuts?) for you. SOOOO glad and relieved for you that the lawyer meeting went well and that you can use the video footage and that you have a huge amt of protections in place for your son. I can only hope that I will have the same experience. In a way I wish I'd stumble across some horrid stash that AH has and have all the evidence I need! That's sad isn't it?

Your son is so so lucky to have such a loving, brave Dad. Wishing you all the best...
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Old 05-26-2011, 03:41 PM
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Hey, just wanted to say when my parents seperated it was definitely the best thing that has ever happened in my life. Not saying that this is easy for you, not saying that at all but what im saying is that this is a really brave and positive thing for you and your kids. Wish you all the best.
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Old 05-26-2011, 05:44 PM
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Wishing you strength and a peaceful week, Shellcrusher. All my best and heartfelt wishes.
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Old 05-26-2011, 08:00 PM
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Glad you're moving forward. These moments of clarity, painful as they can be, are often blessings in disguise. The fears and doubts get pushed aside and you've got MOMENTUM.

I think I know what BHF means--you don't have a war for the sake of a war. You're aware of that. You are doing what you need to do right now. You aren't out to destroy her, just to neutralize her havoc she seems bent on wreaking, protect yourself, protect your son.
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Old 05-26-2011, 08:37 PM
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These moments of clarity, painful as they can be, are often blessings in disguise. The fears and doubts get pushed aside and you've got MOMENTUM.
Exactly. They motivate you to move, and you are MOVING, friend! And that is a good thing. There is a time for everything under the sun, a time for contemplating and a time for forging ahead.

Good vibes & thoughts & prayers for you.
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