SoloMio

...is that when they are the right decisions, they're not like decisions. If you can put fear aside, they feel like you're in the flow going with what your soul or God is pointing towards.

I love when that happens.

I have a couple of personal examples I'm thinking of, but I'd like to hear others. We often talk here about how difficult decisions can be, and they are, but actually, sometimes, as hard as the decision is, you just feel like you are being led to higher ground.

Who wants to share?

wanttobehealthy

I'm not at the feeling my leaving my marriage is the best decision point yet but I KNOW it is so I hope that the peace of knowing it's the right thing will come over me soon...

Then again, a few weeks ago I felt really empowered and did feel it was positive and the right thing to do so I think that that feeling can be there but get lost or misplaced at times. I am sure it will return in me and I'm trying to be patient with myself and accept that when there's a lot of stuff swirling around and I am struggling it's okay to not feel great but it doesn't mean that the fwd progress that has been made is lost. It's just on hiatus for a bit!

Sylvie66

We have a tradition of leadings in my religion (I'm a Quaker)... how do we know when it's a real leading from God and not just our human desires? We know because we can't NOT do this thing. Even if it's inconvenient, awkward, or seemingly foolish.

On another level, when I make a decision, I pay attention to my heartrate and my stomach. If it's the right decision, both are steady. The wrong decision, and hummingbirds jump around all over the place. If I ignore the hummingbirds, disaster.

What astonishes me is how long it took me to figure this out. I guess other people had parents or friends who taught them this kind of thing. I feel like I'm just starting a real emotional life, and I'm in my 40's. Maybe I was just in crisis mode for too long, and this is what other people learned in their 20's.

- Sylvie

Tuffgirl

Interesting topic. For me - things just work out. If I am fighting something...it wasn't the right decision to make.

When I bought my house last month - everything just fell into place perfectly. I've never had a home purchase go so smoothly and stress-free. It made me feel as if this is the right path to be on.

In marriage counseling, I was so anxious I could hardly speak. Not the right decision to make, so I stopped those appointments.

I felt like I was chasing my RAH around, trying to "force" him to have a relationship with me. I made the decision last week to pursue a dissolution. Since then, I've been very emotional and anxious, something doesn't feel right about the decision so I have tabled it again. When the time is right for this, I will feel right about it.

I did, however, let him know that from this point forward I am through forcing him. The ball is now in his court. I don't call, I don't invite, I don't ask questions, etc. He knows where to find me if he wants to have a relationship. It's been peaceful on that end the last two weeks...that was the right decision to make.

So again, if something isn't "working" - I know it wasn't the right decision to make. When things "work", I know it was right.

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

It is true decisions are tough to make but once you make it, I think you feel relief. This morning he brought me coffee and then left to get work done on his car. I took a sip and it had sugar in it (we both drink it without sugar) and I was like that sucks. There was no coffee in the house. I hear the door open about 15 minutes later and it was him with a new cup of coffee without sugar. That is the sweet man I know BUT then I come home from work and I smell that smell...........



I just say to myself, you are making the right DECESION!! Oh, I also swear HP sends me these messages. They seem to come right after I have one of those doubting moments about my decision!

Sylvie66

"Man is free at the moment he wishes to be."
— Voltaire

That was in my inbox at work this morning.

- Sylvie

lillamy

The best example I have was from after I left my AH.

I looked at ONE apartment, and got it.
I put the word out (quietly) that I was looking to furnish a new home.
One person brought a fold-out couch.
One person brought a kitchen table.
One person brought kitchen stuff.
One person brought four kitchen chairs, two stools and two dressers.
Nobody offered me something I already had.

And the day I got the electrical bill and my stomach flipped because I didn't know the electric co has a $125 account opening fee? I got a check in the mail from my doctor: I had overpaid, the insurance company actually covered something I didn't think they would. The check was for $128.50.

SoloMio

That is a GREAT story! Thanks for sharing it!

BuffaloGal

In 2009, I quit a job I hated, just bailed out, at a company I'd been with for 7 years. I knew that I couldn't do the job and school both, and they had scheduled me on a night that I had my daughter, and that was it. When I was on my way home, I realized that I was never going back. It wasn't even like making a decision... I suddenly knew that I was finished with that company and that industry, right that minute. It was tough, and it caused some problems and inconvenience, but in the long run it was for the best to have that time to keep up with my classwork and take care of my daughter.

I agree, for me, for the big decisions, the best approach is to not consider them to be decisions at all. I don't decide what to do... I discover what I'm going to do. I visualize it this way (with apologies to Carl Jung): in my heart/mind, there's a set of stairs that go down and down and down. At the bottom is a small, dark cellar room. In the room is a box. If I'm willing to go all the way down the stairs and look in the box, the "answer" for any decision I need to make is in it.

Alone22

Thank you all for your thought. Right now I am sooo wrapped up in trying to make the right decisions that nothing feels right. What it tells me is that it is not time to make any decisions and when that time comes I will know. I can still think about my plan if AH isn't really finding recovery ( go back to work, separation, divorce), but I don't have to make the decision of if or when I will walk that path. I believe my HP will guide me there if that is what needs to happen. Trying to have faith, and that is hard for me... I want control.

barb dwyer

I like that!

lillamy

I often feel stressed when I'm about to make a wrong decision. Not the red flashing lights "Danger, Danger, Will Robinson!" kind of stress, but just a quiet pressure to "do it now, you have to do it now!" even though, as you say, "nothing feels right."

I'm figuring out that I really need to grow some patience. I remember one of my fav pastors used to say "I always lay all my problems down at the foot of the cross. Except then ten minutes later, I run back and pick them up again." That's kind of where I'm at, too. I had so let go and let God, and BAM! One thing happens to trigger me and I'm all over that problem again.

My NM (New Man) reminded me the other night that "you don't delegate to God, he's in charge, and the most you can do is run around his feet like a dog and trip him."

LaTeeDa

That's some really important wisdom there. I have to remind myself that I can do the next right thing without knowing in advance what the outcome will be. For instance, I didn't decide I wanted to be a photographer. I bought a camera and the rest unfolded naturally. Sometimes I don't know WHY I feel the need to do something, I just have to do it and see where it leads.

L