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Second al-anon today. Need your thoughts.

Old 05-25-2011, 03:49 PM
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Second al-anon today. Need your thoughts.

I feel like al-anon is truly teaching me a lot and is very enlightening not just in teaching me how to better deal with As but in approaching my own life.

I wanted mention that I felt a little silly and a little embarrassed after the meeting today though. And I'm saying this because, like many of us do, I have been kind of obsessing about it and running it through over and over in my head, which I really need to STOP doing.

I was the last person to speak today and the person right before me was also a newcomer. She was telling so bravely and coherently her story about how her AH had become abusive towards her and her child after a binge some days ago and the police and CPS had become involved in their situation. Today was also the first meeting that I had actually spoken at, so I then told my story about how I had felt betrayed by XABF who had cheated on me (shaky voice and all).

After the meeting, one of the women came up and hugged both of us newcomers. When she did so to me, I started crying. Completely didn't expect it. I keep obsessing over that now because I feel so silly and weak for crying about my problems when I read the posts on SR and listen to the other women at the meeting address the problems that they have dealt with in such strength for SO MANY years. A lot of the people in my particular community are much older and I am by FAR the youngest person at the meetings. I guess I just feel silly and dumb crying about my problems in comparison.
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Old 05-25-2011, 03:52 PM
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I cried at my first F2F Al-Anon meeting too...during the meeting, as we went around to introduce ourselves. I was the only crier in the room. I was met with compassion. I may have been the only one to cry at that particular meeting...but I was NOT the only one who had ever cried at a meeting. Take It Easy on yourself.
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Old 05-25-2011, 03:59 PM
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Crying is accepted behavior at Al-Anon meetings. Often we have trouble expressing our feelings because other people don't "get it." At Al-Anon meetings, it's easy to cry just out of relief to be able to let it out to other people who understand.
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Old 05-25-2011, 04:03 PM
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I cry a little at every meeting. and I don't cry anywhere else, hardly. We had a teen newcomer today; my, she was MAD. I sure hope she comes back, because she's already made that critical first step to getting help for herself and her younger siblings.

One lady cried through the whole meeting today; she didn't speak. It happens. Someone hands you a tissue, or pats you on the back, and everyone waits until you're done talking. Some people are better at marshaling their thoughts or expressing them. I spoke up today to say 'I'm in the middle of some real existential cr*p right now, and only because I'm not dealing directly with the drama anymore.' Everyone else seemed coherent and stuff.

- Sylvie
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Old 05-25-2011, 04:10 PM
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As the others have stated it is okay to cry at alanon. Try not to compare yourself to someone else when it comes to feeling weak or not. I have only become teary eyed once at alanon. For some reason I think I need to show how strong I am, how much I am getting it, but at home I cry. Sometimes people are good at putting up a good front (me) but inside they are just as sad as you are. My walls are coming down and I have a feeling I will be the crier at my next meeting and I am 100% okay with it.
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Old 05-25-2011, 04:28 PM
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At my first meeting (before the meeting actually started) and saying I was a newcomer and being greeted so warmly, that's when I started to cry when I realized I was not alone.

There have been a lot of meetings where my eyes have stayed dry, others where stories have caused the tears to flow and over the past couple of weeks, my tears have flowed quite freely both listening and sharing.

Everyone is different and it is no sign of weakness in fact, to me, it's a sign that the healing has started, the feelings are no longer being stuffed down and it's OK to cry.
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Old 05-25-2011, 05:48 PM
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There's nothing wrong with crying at a meeting. I cried at my first meeting, and my second meeting. While I don't cry as often as I used to, it still creeps up on me.

I cried at my meeting yesterday. I wasn't expecting that at all.
Who cries at a meeting about the Tenth Step?
But I cried.

It's okay to cry at an Al-Anon meeting.
Tears of sadness, tears of joy, tears of anger, tears of confusion, tears of who-the-heck-knows, all kinds are welcome.

There's a reason most meetings have tissue boxes.
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Old 05-25-2011, 08:09 PM
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Wow. I cry at MOST of the Al Anon meetings I have been to. If it's not while I am talking, it's when someone in obvious pain is saying something that really resonates with me. Don't be hard on yourself. It's a safe place to be emotional, and no one thinks less of you for it.
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Old 05-25-2011, 08:36 PM
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I cried in my first two al-anon meetings and by the looks of me I'm the last person you would think would cry. (My mom says I'm just "sensitive". Ha!)

I think someone cries in every meeting.
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Old 05-25-2011, 09:38 PM
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Thanks for making me feel better about opening up everyone

I think the reason why I kind of felt funny about it is because I'm not really a big crier either. I mean, I lost my father a few years ago and I would say that I actually cried MORE regarding my problems with XABF. When I was with XABF I would cry every other day it seemed like. Every fight led me to horrible tears. I always used to tell him how much I cry just shows you the extent to which I care and the extent to which my pain goes. He should have been the person to know the most what my tears meant, but he always seemed to disregard them, saying I was "faking it" and just getting more angry with me. Or wanting to stop talking and not deal with the tears.

It's nice to open up and cry to someone that I know won't judge me and understands also the pain I'm going through. People like you that will support rather than break down emotion It's a very different and nice change.
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Old 05-25-2011, 09:55 PM
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The last few meetings I've been to - one of the old-timers hands me a box of Kleenex when I sit down. It makes me laugh now that I get my own personal box of Kleenex.

No one is comparing. We are all there for the same reason underneath it all. Keep going. Eventually you'll find yourself laughing and being grateful for it.
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