February

My DD7 has been having a week-long pity party because she is not getting enough mommy time. I had a really busy weekend with one of the 2 jobs and I do not blame her for being sad. Trust me I am sad, too! I think is sux that I am working 40-50 hours a week since AH does not work more than 2-3 waiter shifts in a week. It stinks that she is away from her mom so much. I tried to explain to her that Mommy has to work so that I can pay our bills and feed us, house us, etc. I struggled to avoid blaming her dad for not working (even though I think it IS a lot his fault since he does not provide for the kids he made and wanted). I don't think blaming their dad to them does my kids any service. My DD5 seemed ok with the weekend since she knows the school year is almost over and we'll soon have more time together. I am concerned however about DD7. Her tears and wailing seem very manipulative when coupled with comments like "Why did you even have us if you don't want to spend time with us?" (This to a mom who busts her butt to do fun stuff and spend time with them every chance I get).

I am wondering how old you have to be to get something out of Alateen meetings? Are kids that young allowed? I think she needs some kind of counseling. I would love for her to understand why I left and why I am staying gone without the understanding coming from me griping about her dad. Neither DD seems to really want us to get back together. They do not mind seeing AH but they never ask to, either. They do not request staying with him overnight the 1-2 nights they visit him, and they gripe about going over.

barb dwyer

ok.

getting guilt tripped by a kid is the worst.

but I've got to say
that's not the kind of thing a kid comes up with on their own.

because it wouldn't be 'us' ... as in
'why did you have 'us' ...
kids don't think like that.

She's heard that somewhere and is trying it on to see if it works.

I suspect she's hear it from bone idle partner.

JUst my opinion.
And my gut feeling.

Well -
alateen hasn't GOT an age limit that I know of
at least on the single digit age requirement side.
They might feel foolish
going to alateen when they're thirty, I mean.

I also have a gut feeling you're right
in seeking out counseling for her and possibly your other younger one as well.

It's good for you to be thinking
about finding her a place to talk things out
with someone outside the circle of 'events' as it were.

I hate to see kids being used as weapons in this war.

I'm encouraged by your wanting to establish a safe space
for your kids for their mental/emotional/coping stability.

sailorjohn

No, I don't think alateen would be an appropriate place for a 7 year old.

But thanks for the heads up, if I ever have grandkids will store that for future reference, had no idea it was possible for a 7 year old to have a pity party.

Whine maybe, but what the hell, a lot of adults whine too.

putmeontheair

If you check the specific alateen websites for meetings, they will tell you ages. A lot I have seen are 9 and up. (At least in by area.)