elsie271

Hi Everyone

I am new to all this, mainly looking for some guidance and help for my boyfriend.

My boyfriends mum has been an alcoholic for nearly ten years, obviously I dont know all the facts due to me not being her sibiling, however I can see what its doing to my boyfriend the whole thing is tearing him apart and I know alls I can do is be their for him but he really does believe that this is it now and this time she will die. She has been in rehab nearly quite a few times and never fully completed the course on one occasion when she finished the twelve steps the day before her presentation when all the family where coming to see her she had a drink and never recieved her presentation for complteting the 12 steps, my boyfriend has tried everything he even managed to get her into a clinic via the doctor that was private and this was further away from where we live she again decided to come home and start drinking again, we all thought last year when she was in intensive care due to drinking a full litre of Brandy and was literally on her death bed that this was her "rock bottom" but it seems not as within a few weeks she was drinking again.

At the moment we are currently on a merry go round, she seems to be drinking non stop for a week or however long her body can take it before she starts being sick and then phones herself an ambulance and ends up in their for a few days where she will come her say she really wants to stop and then may eat a few meals until she feels better and then starts all over again this has been the story for maybe the last 2-3 months, in the time she is sober she visits us makes phone calls etc and when the drinking starts we dont hear a peep this is the main reason I am asking for some help it hurts my other half so much that she doesnt bother seeing him or even pick the phone up to ring him he is so sad all the time and hardly sleeps at night thinking he may lose her, I really do try and support him though this as it is a horrible disease but I dont know what the best thing for him to do.

I feel he may be making it worse for himself when he knows she is drinking he will keep ringing her, but she doesnt bother picking the phone up to him so he start worrying all day until his dad gets home from work to check on her and then he can settle a little bit of a night, when she does pick the phone up he will give her a lecture of what this is doing to him and she will very rarely speak a word or usually just hangs up on him. On some occasions she will be drunk and ring him in work saying she cant breath so he will phone ambulances and have to leave work 9 times out of 10 when he gets their she is fine and this angers him even more.
When she is sober and has checked herself out of hospital she will pop round and see him before she starts drinking again, is this just to make her feel better?

I really think his life is on hold while this is all going on, I am not really sure what direction I need to point him in x

I really hope someone can give us some advice, he has tried to go to a few family anon meetings but doesnt really feel comfortable I dont know whether it is because other members of the family are their or whether he doesnt want to talk about it.
Thanks

StarCat

Addiction steals from so many lives, both the addict and those close to the addict.
Something that has really helped me has been an organization called Al-Anon.
Its sort of like AA, except that it's for those who have been affected by someone else's drinking.

It's helped me carefully pick up the pieces of my own life, and learn to live again.
I would highly recommend that you and your boyfriend both give it a try, since his mother's drinking has also been affecting you now.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

elsie271

Hi Starcat

Many thanks for your reply, we actually live in the UK and attented a similar version over here, although I dont think he was too fond off them whether it was the feeling he didnt want to talk and think about if every day (even though he does anyway) or maybe because his dad and other members of the family were going too, maybe it would be better if he went where he didnt know anyone?
I have since tried to get him to go to one, maybe ill find another one
Thanks again

StarCat

It's hard to talk about your innermost thoughts and feelings if you know someone else in the room.
It's scary enough sometimes talking when it's all strangers.

It does feel comforting just to listen, though, too - since it takes away a lot of the "I'm all alone" feeling as well.

Different meetings are different, as well. My first three meetings (three different nights/places), one was too structured for me, one felt too haphazard and more like a negative "group complaint session," and one was just right.