Separate finances
 

Reading some of the threads regarding finances makes me wonder how many of you do/did not have joint finances? My ah and I have been married almost 11 years and have never had joint finances. It was always a sticking point because he wanted us to have joint finances. The way I see it, he wanted it that way because it would be more money for him to have fun with. I would have considered having joint if he was responsible with money, but his needs always came first (beer, cigs, going to the bars etc).

Anyways my friends always looked at me like I had three eyes anytime I mentioned finances since ours was separate. They almost acted like I was selfish for having them separate. There was just no way I would let him run us into the ground (which is exactly what would have happened). Is joint finances the norm?

I wish I had not had joint accounts with late AH, but I did and it was a hassle for years.

Finally salvaged some money (mine from damages payout) and put it away....then found he had opened his own account to put HIS retirement money in. Legally I was entitled to half his superannuation, but was so glad to get out with my brain intact that I just didn't bother going for it. He'd have made our kids listen to his spiel on me and what a #*&$#%%$ I was, so I decided it was not worth that. He drank and dined his way thru it all within a year anyway.

Joint finances here.

AXH, not a good situation, separated mine out just prior to divorcing him.

AH, is working out much better; I have had exactly two overdraft charges in my 51 years on the planet, and my AH doesn't know much about balancing a checkbook, so I balance the budget and let him know how much we have left after the bills, and we mutually decide how it is to be spent.

Of the couples with whom I've spoken about joint checking, most have joint finances. Not many separate them out entirely. There are a few who also have separate accounts in addition to the joint account.

My analysis for my own situation about joint finances: Go with what works, and change what doesn't.

My AH and I have always kept our finances separate, which I am so thankful for!!! I was self-sufficient when we got married, and he has always been a marginally self-sufficient overspender, so I was not interested in joining our accounts. The only things we own jointly are cars and the house. I pay the mortgage, and he typically pays the household expenses, although I'm starting to pay some of those too so utilities don't get disconnected. I have loaned him money on occasion in the past when he was good about reimbursing me, but as his alcoholism has progressed, those days are over, and no more Bank of Buttercream. Now, he just gets new credit cards and is falling deeper and deeper in credit card debt. I thank God every day that I can support myself, and do not have to rely on him for anything!!!!

Always separate. I married my husbands because I loved them, that was the emotional side. Finances were the business side. Do not regret my decision.

We had joint and he cleaned me out. I proved it. I hid all the check registers and got copies of bank statements.......it got straight in divorce settlement. I never thought he would turn nasty....he did.....

Separate. Just worked out that way. I mean I thought it would be a good idea. We moved in together and kept separate finances. Even after we got married, it just seemed to proceed that way. She had a job, direct deposit, and paid some of her own bills. I already had my "stuff" set up. I am in the financial services industry and have been around these discussions for a long time.

Even if your finances are joint -- there are things you can to. There are very structured and simple steps that you can take to protect yourself and your finances, assets, and more. There is so much potential for massive problems here, so you must protect yourself -- in every way possible.

I've always maintained separate checking accounts, credit cards in my name only. When I was married, we had separate credit cards, checking accounts and a joint account which paid the mortgage and housing expenses...We did have a joint savings account...which he promptly cleaned out and put in his mother's name...I never saw that 20K again.

I opened an account when my daughter was a baby and it was in my name and hers only (thankfully) or he would have taken that too.

none of the separate accounts were intentional... we each had credit/bills before we got married.

Got a joint checking account on the day we got married, and tried to keep separate accounts on the side for "free" money that the other spouse couldn't complain about. Didn't work. Ended up with joint everything, but for the side account I keep to track child support spending.

This afternoon I'm going to the bank and separating our money again. He's aware, is sad but understands. We'll see if there's a massive fight about it tonight, but I don't think so.

Doesn't that credit card debt bother you?? I mean, since you are married, isn't his debt also your debt?

We started out with joint accounts and after several years of trying to make that work I went with separate accounts. That was only somewhat successful because my boundaries were not strong enough to keep the money separate. I was always giving him money for gas for instance because he had none left, or we'd try yet another family budget so I'd catch up delinquent payments. Things like that.

Where I live everything is 50/50 so it doesn't really matter whose name is on the debt or even if the other person knew about it so the separate accounts helped in some ways but I still did not feel secure.

I don't know that I could ever get a joint account again - or even get married again for that matter. Financial security is so important to me.

One of the boundaries for my RAH to be able to return into the home is that we have separate accounts and he pays a portion of money toward the bills (rent,food,utilities). Bills are a huge trigger for me and it has helped out tremendously having that boundary. It is also nice when he pays for "extra" things with his own money (movies,dinner,etc.) It has also given me practice in resisting "urges" to meddle in his business or "help out".

Not in my state. (Yay for my state!)