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When did you go to the ER?

Old 05-19-2011, 08:11 PM
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When did you go to the ER?

One thing I've really been struggling over is when to consider calling an ambulance for my AH. A couple of months ago he was to the point one night that his breathing was irregular and wheezy, he was struggling to even crawl the 15 feet from the bathroom to the bedroom, and on the way there he lost feeling in his leg. Earlier that night he'd crashed full-force into the sliding glass door (which is thankfully very sturdily built), passed out for a half-hour right there, then when he woke up he asked me if I got the jersey number of the guy that hit him. I wanted to call an ambulance, he begged me not to, and I did the monumentally stupid thing of not calling. Now, a few days after his third concussion in just over a year, the question is plaguing me again. For those of you who have had to send your A to the hospital, was it just for injuries or for obviously BAD alcohol poisoning, and what made you decide it was bad enough to need to go?
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Old 05-19-2011, 08:30 PM
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Originally Posted by wywriter View Post
For those of you who have had to send your A to the hospital, was it just for injuries or for obviously BAD alcohol poisoning, and what made you decide it was bad enough to need to go?

I would present: Is this the right question?


Maybe the right question is: when is it bad enough for YOU to go, so you don't have to ask these sorts of questions?

You will not be able to fix the results of his choices.

You only have control over the results of your choices, and what you choose to do with your one precious lifespan, and your children's one precious childhood.

What are your children going to remember, about their childhood?

CLMI
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Old 05-19-2011, 09:19 PM
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Thanks, but I already have another thread where this particular aspect is being discussed . I really want to know what made others make the decision to head to the hospital -- I'm not trying to fix the results of his choices, I just know this particular result is coming and would love to hear the experiences of anyone willing to share.
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Old 05-19-2011, 09:23 PM
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I never did take him to the ER or call an ambulance.
Not because it didn't get that bad, but because for the last four years of my marriage, we had separate bedrooms. I went to bed, he drank, and if I heard him bump into things or fall down or break glass, I rolled over, hoped he would die, and went back to sleep.

And I'm not saying that lightly.
But that's where I ended up.
I had NO sympathy and NO hope and I was literally praying for his death, because that was the only way out I could see.
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Old 05-19-2011, 09:37 PM
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I called for an ambulance once. He would stop breathing for long periods of time. He demanded to leave the hospital because his iv wasnt a Budweiser drip. How sick is that Mind? Sending him there served no purpose. My way of trying to make him stop drinking.
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Old 05-19-2011, 09:39 PM
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Wy..go to Newcomers to recovery and check the thread by NatnNick titled Final Chance..that leg going numb is one of the things he went thru. He is a young guy - Now he is in a nursing home.
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Old 05-19-2011, 11:27 PM
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I called 911 for my AW 4 times, I think. The first 2 were because she started having breathing difficulties and was unable to talk. The third was when she started having DTs and the kitchen appliances began talking to her. The 4th was when there was a potentially dangerous interaction between the alcohol and a large dose of Xanax. There were many other times I thought about it, but I decided not to because she was not in any immediate danger. The times I did call, at first, were because I cared about her. Later on, they were because I didn't want to be potentially liable in the event of her death.
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Old 05-20-2011, 12:03 AM
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I drove my wife to the ER twice following overdoses and attended that with her.

I think that maybe different.

I do know parents and friends called ambulances while she was overseas and spent the night in emergency, basically she blacked out in public places.

Whilst I want her to experience consequences of drinking; I don't want her to sustain life threatening permanent damage if calling for medical help can prevent it.
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Old 05-20-2011, 12:17 AM
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Originally Posted by MsCooterBrown View Post
Wy..go to Newcomers to recovery and check the thread by NatnNick titled Final Chance..that leg going numb is one of the things he went thru. He is a young guy - Now he is in a nursing home.
Wow, thank you for directing me to that, it is certainly a very powerful story. Luckily the feeling came back in my husband's leg fairly quickly, but I can't help but wonder if it had a similar cause. When I started reading the story I wondered how it could be similar in any way because my husband doesn't do any kind of drugs, but then NatnNick mentioned kidney failure. For months now my husband has been exhibiting signs of possible kidney distress (including a pain in his lower back that we'd initially thought was a cracked rib following a drunken fall on some ice, but it's still hurting him months later) that's probably from taking huge doses of Ibuprofen while drinking. It sounds like similar nasties at work, at any rate.
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Old 05-20-2011, 04:24 AM
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I would call if it appears to be a life-threatening emergency. Don't think I could live with myself if I didn't. I would do the same for some stranger on my doorstep in similar distress.

That doesn't mean you have to hover by his bed like an unwanted angel of mercy.
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Old 05-20-2011, 05:07 PM
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I call every time she does it, and every time it costs her $500 or more. I also call when she threatens to commit suicide. Granted, it's been almost a year since she has done either, but she also knows it's my policy to call 911 always.

Coincidence? Maybe. But since I instituted this policy (and her brief stay in jail and misdemeanor conviction for child abandonment), she has only relapsed once and it was low-level (still conscious, took accountability and didn't say and do crazy **** for the most part).

This is another good reason to divorce and separate finances. Her bills are hers, not mine. Her last incident, including court costs, hit her to the tune of over $3,000.

Take what you want and leave the rest,

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Old 05-20-2011, 06:10 PM
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Cyranoak...your boundaries demonstrated in all of your posts are inspirational. I hope to be like you when grow up.
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Old 05-20-2011, 07:36 PM
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Originally Posted by lillamy View Post
I never did take him to the ER or call an ambulance.
Not because it didn't get that bad, but because for the last four years of my marriage, we had separate bedrooms. I went to bed, he drank, and if I heard him bump into things or fall down or break glass, I rolled over, hoped he would die, and went back to sleep.

And I'm not saying that lightly.
But that's where I ended up.
I had NO sympathy and NO hope and I was literally praying for his death, because that was the only way out I could see.
This for me too, by the time he was that bad I didn't care if he lived anymore (note: I have not been around here for awhile and we have been divorced for 3 years, my life is very different now).
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Old 05-21-2011, 05:27 AM
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In MY experience,

The nighttime erratic breathing is scary, but probably just noisy. My AH makes all kinds of whacky noises, and his sleeptalking is truly bizarre--makes you really wonder what kind of demons he's possessed by at the moment. I never thought of calling an ambulance but I did consider an exorcist.

Even things that might seem serious aren't necessarily. Recently I was on a business trip and AH woke up next to our lawn mower. He thought he was having a heart attack because he felt a pain in his neck and he was sweating profusely. He called the ambulance for himself, and the diagnosis was exertion and alcohol--no heart attack, no stroke.

I called the ambulance once when he came back from a Robbie Burns night. I was going to leave him in the car because he had passed out, but my door opening woke him up, and he LITERALLY rolled out of the car and down the driveway into the street. I couldn't move him/pick him up. So I called the police who called an ambulance after I said he was drunk. He never went to the hospital. They just brought him in the house.

I would call the ER if he became unresponsive or if he were seriously injured from a fall.

But honestly, I don't think anyone can answer that question for you, except maybe a qualified medical professional. I agree with finding another place to sleep where you can't hear him so you don't drive yourself crazy thinking about it.
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Old 05-21-2011, 10:54 AM
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Interesting thread.

I'm what you might consider a "qualified medical professional."
When we were together, he made the call to to in a couple times, all of which led to prolonged hospitalizations for medical issues related to his drinking.

There was only 1 time I insisted, and it was during a time he professed to be sober, but was acting very drunk. I simply announced that if he hadn't been drinking, he was clearing having some sort of metabolic catastrophe (he was diabetic by this point) and we were going in because I wasn't comfortable with him staggering around. Besides, I could think of a half-dozen problems it might be, despite what we both knew it would be. Halfway there, he started confessing, and 2 beers became 6, and it was yet another nail in the coffin on the marriage.
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