He fell off
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: chicago IL
Posts: 38
He fell off
Well AH was doing so well for the past 6 weeks. I knew something was going to happen. And sure enough today when I got home he had that look and reeked of vodka. The doctor at the rehab clinic said it takes an average of 3 tries to stay sober, so here is try number 1. AH said he made a mistake and knows its bad. Said he realizes he can't drink. I didn't say anything. It was hard to keep my mouth shut but I didn't yell, cry or scream at him. So the question is Do they ever get well? Is it so hard that they never get over the desire? 
Thanks for the help.
Thanks for the help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi ((((Sadwife))))).
Some get recovery and some don't. Don't you wish they were labelled? Something like a recycling symbol would be helpful. Unfortunately it's hard to tell what kind we've got.
Know, and how, how hard this is. Do something nice for you today?
Hugs,
Smoke
Some get recovery and some don't. Don't you wish they were labelled? Something like a recycling symbol would be helpful. Unfortunately it's hard to tell what kind we've got.
Know, and how, how hard this is. Do something nice for you today?
Hugs,
Smoke
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
People get well all the time. But it's very hard and there are no guarantees. At least you handled it well, and your AH sounds remorseful. Sometimes it takes a slip to get people back on track.
Hang in there,
JG
Hang in there,
JG
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 87
Yes they do get well!!!
My AH had at least 3 attempts at sobriety before he finally found it (currently 4 yrs sober). The thing that I always told myself was that he had the FOUNDATION of AA and what it felt like to be sober....and just like in construction, you cant build a house without foundation.
He knew what the rooms felt like, he knew what sobriety felt like, but for some reason, his disease told him HIS WILL could do it and control his drinking. He needed his "experience" to find out that his will could NOT control his drinking. There is something in Nar Anon literature that says "Give them credit for thier attempts at changing"......If he has made so many attempts that means he WANTS to do it,,,he just is strugglinh with the HOW to do it. THe disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. It will turn a persons mind into a playground of fantasy,,,,making him think e is oh so powerful and mighty-man. We know thats not true,,,but try telling it to his disease........!
Keep praying for him and yourself,,,and turn HIM over to your HP,,,and ask him to care for him!
Love and Peace,
Christina
My AH had at least 3 attempts at sobriety before he finally found it (currently 4 yrs sober). The thing that I always told myself was that he had the FOUNDATION of AA and what it felt like to be sober....and just like in construction, you cant build a house without foundation.
He knew what the rooms felt like, he knew what sobriety felt like, but for some reason, his disease told him HIS WILL could do it and control his drinking. He needed his "experience" to find out that his will could NOT control his drinking. There is something in Nar Anon literature that says "Give them credit for thier attempts at changing"......If he has made so many attempts that means he WANTS to do it,,,he just is strugglinh with the HOW to do it. THe disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. It will turn a persons mind into a playground of fantasy,,,,making him think e is oh so powerful and mighty-man. We know thats not true,,,but try telling it to his disease........!
Keep praying for him and yourself,,,and turn HIM over to your HP,,,and ask him to care for him!
Love and Peace,
Christina
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Sadwife;
Do you know he has a 50/50 % chance of recover....You can have much better odds than that simply because you are not in denial..
The 3 A's of Al-Anon
Awareness
Acceptance
Action
has helped me work through alot of situalions that I feel were hopeless.....
Taking the action for myself was harder to do than taking care of them....
Consider yourself hugged!
Do you know he has a 50/50 % chance of recover....You can have much better odds than that simply because you are not in denial..
The 3 A's of Al-Anon
Awareness
Acceptance
Action
has helped me work through alot of situalions that I feel were hopeless.....
Taking the action for myself was harder to do than taking care of them....
Consider yourself hugged!
But Very, Very Bruisable...
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Palm Springs, Ca.
Posts: 548
Hey Sad...the truth is that a person attempting recovery for the first time has between a 2%-20% chance of staying sober a year. Each attempt however, and the chances actually increase, slightly.
But statistics really dont matter. As Daffodil stated, this is all about you, and all about action.
His actions will tell you how committed he is.
Yours will simply make you feel better.
Not a bad deal...
But statistics really dont matter. As Daffodil stated, this is all about you, and all about action.
His actions will tell you how committed he is.
Yours will simply make you feel better.
Not a bad deal...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Sadwife
I'm sorry, I know how disappointing this is. Ulitimately, his recovery is up to him. And yes, many alcoholics do succeed at recovery. Now is the time for you to focus on taking care of you. What happens to him from here on is up to him.
HUGS
Peace,
Gabe
HUGS
Peace,
Gabe
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: bronx
Posts: 16
sad wife,
My husband was clean for 5 years and one night I too, came home and smelled beer all over him my house, i felt like my life was taken it was one of the worst feelings the music was blasting
he ignored me i was screaming, trying to find out why he relapsed he wouldent speak to me wouldent even look at me, it was horriable.. i left and came to my moms house and he called the next day and i came back home thank god he went back in the rooms i read to him i support him in recovery (i am not in recovery) i try to do my best, it gets difficult lots of times he is very moody. i pray alot . I will pray for you too
My husband was clean for 5 years and one night I too, came home and smelled beer all over him my house, i felt like my life was taken it was one of the worst feelings the music was blasting
he ignored me i was screaming, trying to find out why he relapsed he wouldent speak to me wouldent even look at me, it was horriable.. i left and came to my moms house and he called the next day and i came back home thank god he went back in the rooms i read to him i support him in recovery (i am not in recovery) i try to do my best, it gets difficult lots of times he is very moody. i pray alot . I will pray for you too
Paused
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: mount pleasant, michigan
Posts: 2
sadwife,
I've been there before. For two straight years my husband was in re-hab at least once a month, sometimes he was in for 90 days. He was gone to re-hab for two straight years. His heart stopped twice while he was in a hospital for detoxing.
He has been sober for 6 months now. The first time he went to detox, the staff said he would probably fall off the wagon a few times. After the third time, and many more, I was getting frustrated. I felt like I was walking on egg shells every time he came home.
I no longer feel that way. We'll, I won't let myself feel that way. I tell and show him if I'm mad, happy, sad, etc. at situations in our relationship and home life. I use to keep things to myself, thinking that would help him not to drink. I don't to that anymore. We are both adults, he is an alcoholic and I am married to an alcholic. I don't cushion him anymore.
There was a time he was sober for 6 years. This time it is going on 6 months. He has to make the choice to be sober each day. I have realize he knows how to maintain soberity and only he can choose that, not me.
His counselor just recommended that he takes a vacation by himself, reward himself. I asked him if he needed help packing? He laughed.
Hang in there. No one knows how many times it is going to take. Actually, it's a lifetime struggle for my husband.
I'll pray for you. Just remember to laugh and love a lot. He knows what he does and how it affects you. Take care of yourself.
Share thoughts. My husband called while I was writing this and I told him I was writing to someone whose husband slipped. He asked me if I was writing about him. I told him of course I was. He laughed and said, we'll I hope your computer has enough memory to hold all the information you have on me.
I don't have any answers, I can only tell you what I have experienced with my husband. Talking about new things, not bringing up the past, laughing, enjoying only today.
I really hope things work out for the both of you.
Jerika
I've been there before. For two straight years my husband was in re-hab at least once a month, sometimes he was in for 90 days. He was gone to re-hab for two straight years. His heart stopped twice while he was in a hospital for detoxing.
He has been sober for 6 months now. The first time he went to detox, the staff said he would probably fall off the wagon a few times. After the third time, and many more, I was getting frustrated. I felt like I was walking on egg shells every time he came home.
I no longer feel that way. We'll, I won't let myself feel that way. I tell and show him if I'm mad, happy, sad, etc. at situations in our relationship and home life. I use to keep things to myself, thinking that would help him not to drink. I don't to that anymore. We are both adults, he is an alcoholic and I am married to an alcholic. I don't cushion him anymore.
There was a time he was sober for 6 years. This time it is going on 6 months. He has to make the choice to be sober each day. I have realize he knows how to maintain soberity and only he can choose that, not me.
His counselor just recommended that he takes a vacation by himself, reward himself. I asked him if he needed help packing? He laughed.
Hang in there. No one knows how many times it is going to take. Actually, it's a lifetime struggle for my husband.
I'll pray for you. Just remember to laugh and love a lot. He knows what he does and how it affects you. Take care of yourself.
Share thoughts. My husband called while I was writing this and I told him I was writing to someone whose husband slipped. He asked me if I was writing about him. I told him of course I was. He laughed and said, we'll I hope your computer has enough memory to hold all the information you have on me.
I don't have any answers, I can only tell you what I have experienced with my husband. Talking about new things, not bringing up the past, laughing, enjoying only today.
I really hope things work out for the both of you.
Jerika
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: chicago IL
Posts: 38
Haven't been here for a while. AH has been sober for a while. A few times I thought he slipped again, but he said he has been sober. Sooo I just have been taking it one day at a time. I say a prayer for all of you that are in pain. I know the feeling. Thanks for the recent responses. It is so nice to know that there are people who care. I hope everyone of you have a healthy and happy new year!!! And be good to yourselves.
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Mass
Posts: 4
I have heard that first year recovery (1 year without drinnking) is 50%. I know that number is different than some others but that is what i was told.. Howver , I have also been told that of those who fail 90% do it within 90 days. Thats why you AA mention 90 meetings in 90 days. Is he going to meetings? If not he should. I also agree with what someone called the "foundation of being sober". Im sure it kills you to see him fall, but I am sure that he has it in him to do it again................good luck
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