Princessjenny

Ok before I can get to the problem I need to give you a little background information.
I grew up with an alcoholic father. I remeber as a kid having nightmares I was being chased and was going to die and would run to him for help and he would be passed out and I couldn't wake him and right before what ever it was chasing me would catch me I would wake up.
The woman I called my mother (she's not my biological mother) died 2 years ago. From alcohol. She drank herself to death.
The problem: for the most part I'm married to a wonderful loving husband who would do anything for me. Except when he drinks.
When he drinks I get terrified I want to hide in a little ball cry and pray it will stop. He doesn't drink very often but when he does he can't stop. He'll drink till he passes out and can't drink anymore. He's different he could switch from being the kind man he is to being a raging bull in a snap. I hate being around him. But I also hate not watching him and being there to make sure he doesn't hurt anything or break it. At least let him take the anger out on me. (like I would do with my father).
My question am I blaming him for my parents mistakes or is it possible he has a drinking problem too?
He Only drink like this maybe once a month.

StarCat

From what you describe, he sounds like a binge drinker.
Binge drinking can be a form/stage of alcoholism.
I would guess that from the fact it bothers you enough to ask if he's alcoholic, and the reactions you have been having to his drinking, you already know the answer to your question is "yes".

More importantly, though, it doesn't really matter if you can stick the "alcoholism" label on him or not - his drinking is bothering you.

If you have shared your feelings about this with him, and he has done nothing to alter his drinking habits (I am reading between the lines of your post, and feel your answer to both these is probably "yes"), what are you going to do next?

I'd suggest Al-Anon, for starters. This was started by the wives of the founders of AA, and it is a place where those of us affected by someone else's drinking can go to pick up the pieces of our own lives, and build them into something beautiful.
How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
Try six meetings, some different, and at least one newcomer meeting, before you decide if it will help you. I have found that the empathy, agreement, and validation I have gained from the members of my Al-Anon group has been invaluable to me towards rebuilding my life.


You're not alone.

fourmaggie

yes STARCAT, i agree, i would like to introduce to you AL ANON...there is so much wisdom there in that room....

3c's
you did not cause it
you can not control it
there is no cure
that is your 1st Al anon lesson...if you get that...you will get alot of stuff..slogans, tools...

I love my group, been there for little over a year...i changed my attitude and my behaviours and PEOPLE notice!! and the most important people are my KIDS....

go with an open heart and mind...god bless
~Maggie

jayscott

Hello, princessjenny. This sounds like my wife two or three years ago. She's a binge-drinking alcoholic; the frequency of binge drinking gradually increased to a point where the binges now last 4 or 5 days long and repeat every week or two. She spends 1/3 to 1/2 of her life drunk. When she's not drunk, she's a wonderful person and I remember why I originally married her; the rest of the time, I don't recognize her life or mine.

As you learn more and read more, you'll probably find a description about alcoholism being a progressive disease; I think this is what they're referring to. Untreated and unrestrained, the addiction requires more and more of the addict.

Therapy (for you), Al-anon, these forums. I've used them all to better understand my situation and how to handle it.

RECF

My father was a scotch drinker. Every night when he got home from work until he passed out in his underwear in front of the television. Oh, and he'd hit me and call me names if I did something "stupid". He's still alive, though he has to start drinking now at 10:30am to keep the shakes away, and now that he doesn't have his real teeth, not quite so scary.
My husband, when I met him, we used to party and he'd do what you described to himself. We'd be at a party and he'd be passed out in a chair at, like, 11pm.
When we started living together and he'd be drinking in the house alone, I'd have the same fear reactions. It almost encouraged him to turn into my abusive father. It was sick. We lived like that for years, living out my childhood again. Nasty and dysfunctional fights bookended by make-up sex and swears that I'd try harder to accept His problem. Christ, I don;t even know what to say about all of this other than, girl, start understanding this sh*t before it starts controlling you!

NYCDoglvr

Ditto ... Al-anon can be a huge relief.

forgotten1

RECF, THANKS!

"Nasty and dysfunctional fights bookended by make-up sex and swears that I'd try harder to accept His problem"

wow... yes. that is exactly what it was--me swearing to try harder everytime... thank you, RECF... i kinda forgot that very important detail. or not forgot, but it was all in the pile of the ex **** i try to forget about--but i think this detail is something i needed to be clearly reminded of.