pixilation

And..he bought it for me. Yep, that's right, a puppy that I professed to not wanting numerous times(even when he left to go see the breeder, I said "don't bring home another couch eater") I was originally told it was to "visit", it's where our older dog Casey came from.

She's cute and all, but damn, no freaking way! Yes, I am still planning on leaving, I did backpedal a bit(he actually paid to fix my van) But between the puppy and last night, coming home after work and finding he'd already started drinking(he knows that drinking when he's alone with the kids is one of my boundaries), I know I have to just do it.

FLsunshine

Im at a bit of an awkward spot similar to the new puppy situation. My RAH came home from a weekend away. When we went to bed, i could smell "old wine" on his breathe. I wasn't going to confront him at first but the smell was too strong. I said "I smell wine on you" He said YES, I have been drinking. I asked when and it was friday and saturday of this past weekend. Instead being my old self and yelling, screaming, crying and pleading, i just closed my eyes and went to sleep... Since then he has been "nice" and alittle taken back.. Because he is unable to predict my next step.. In fact, im planing my exit.. How do i handle the "nice" treatment now.. it seems awkward and i feel like i have "encouraged him to drink" because i did not make a big deal about the relapse. Then i tell myself He already KNOWS how i feel about it and there is no need to rehearse it again.

pixilation

Yeah, see, that's it. He knows I'm already completely overwhelmed with everything, and now to add a brand new puppy on top of it all? I was feeling guilty about planning to leave right after he fixed the van(which has been broken since January) but now? Not so much.

Now, to get off of here, run to town, do some shopping, run back, try and get at least 2 more loads of clothes washed, maybe a sinkful of dishes, and then run to work to clean for another 4 hours.

fourmaggie

hummmmm, so many choices

theuncertainty

Seriously, sometimes I think we were married to the same man, Pixil. XAH brought home a new puppy right after DS was born. The puppy was sweet and beautiful, but... Ummmm, hello? Brand new baby, first time mom, no sleep already, breast feeding, overwhelmed with the thought of being responsible for a tiny new life completely dependent on me for everything, husband passed out on the couch any time he was actually home, him spending what little money we had on stereos for his work truck and pizza and beer for the guys, and he brings home a little puppy. "What's the problem? You'll be home all day any way for a few weeks."

I'm so lucky that XFIL said he was going to look for a new dog so we were able to gift the puppy to him - and the puppy was lucky too, based on how well XAH took care of our cats (as in not very well at all and he wouldn't let me take care of them either). And this was all before his fixation on keeping fish (which he then boiled because of a "broken" tank heater...)

One step at a time, Pixil. The little stunts they pull to try to keep us from leaving can seem so innocuous. But remember: just because he does one nice little thing (that really a partner should be willing to do for their significant other and not expect a big to-do for doing it), doesn't mean you have to put up with all the unacceptable behavior.

Hang in there!

pixilation

I know, I know. he even threw the "my mom says you'll be leaving now that I fixed the van" line at me. Which he used to get me to drop out of college, just substitute the appropriate words.

theuncertainty

FLSunshine, IMO, it sounds like you simply didn't comment on or engage in the dance with him about his drinking - you didn't encourage him to drink. Now, if you'd patted him on the back and said "Way to go! Glad you felt you could drink this weekend," I'd say you encouraged him. But you've told him before how you felt about his drinking; saying it again, and again, and again, well it's a waste of breath, because it's not likely to keep him from drinking.

I'd just keep on with my plans. I think this fits here too:

theuncertainty

Really? I'm sorry, but his little statement made me laugh. I could just hear: "I'm telling Mommy!!!!!" sounds of little stomping feet then "My Mommy says....."

Yeah. XAH got me to rule out grad school as an option because his mom was sick.

pixilation

Oh yeah, and he bought ANOTHER car, and he wants me to put it in my name. Guess why? Yeah..so he doesn't "automatically" get pulled over when the plates are run and his name and record are pulled up. And his "mommy" says if I was any kind of wife, I would register it in my name. He doesn't seem to get why I'm refusing.

Huh, if he was any kind of husband, he would never have to ask me to put a vehicle in my name for that reason anyway.

theuncertainty

Pixil - seriously - sounds like same guy - different state. XAH 'bought' a lovely little karmann ghia (that needed work, but it was a ghia!) right before I left him. He said he bought it for me and then parked it in one of his friend's garage so I couldn't get to it. This is after buying a old BMW for me that never ran.

He wanted me to register both in my name. I was tempted to do so with both (I would have loved to have the ghia! - h-ll, the old beemer would have been good instead of borrowing my dad's minivan), but he could never produce the paperwork. He tried to give me the VIN numbers and told me to just go say I lost the registration or whatever. Common sense woke up briefly and started yelling "DON'T DO IT!"

If your MIL gives you cr-p about not registering the car for him, you could always say that if she was any kind of mommy, she'd do it. Bleahhhhh. OK, probably not the most adult way of handling the conversation, but....

Fandy

FWIW...in the middle of my divorce (many years ago)..my Xhusband also came home with a puppy....a SICK female chow-chow....with NO papers because she was bought with a STOLEN credit card....by his secretary's boyfriend.

my daughter was 6 at the time and fell in love with the puppy...I took her to the vet, trained her, spayed her and put her in my divorce settlement...I had that dog almost 13 years...she was an excellent judge of men....if she didn't like one I was dating, she let them know it and bared her teeth..she was very protective over me and my daughter.(Chows are like that)

However, she was referred to as "the Divorce Dog"...I cried for a week when I had to put her down with stomach cancer.

I just remembered this after reading your thread....it was over 20 years ago.