Eight Ball

Its AH birthday today. We have been separated for five weeks or so but cohabiting until I can find somewhere nice to move to.

I got home from work and wished him a happy birthday. He grunted and walked off into his bedroom with a beer in his hand and smelling of cigarette smoke (he told me he had quit a while ago).

He came out of his room about 30 minutes later and asked what I was cooking for him. I said that I had already eaten! (I thought he was going to be in his room brooding all night.) Then he threw a tantrum and complained to me that our DD's (20 and 23yrs) hadn't even sent him a card or wished him a happy birthday. He then did a classic blame-shift and said that we were all f**ked. I laughed out load saying of course its about us, it cant be about you, can it.

Normally, I remind the girls about birthdays as they are typical youngsters and dont think about things like that. This time I didnt and they have obviously forgot. To be honest, I only remembered about 3pm this afternoon. Afterall I have had a lot of other things on my mind, like my AH of 23yrs choosing alcohol over our marriage! and planning my leaving strategy.

I feel a little bit bad for him, but I am in the anger stage at the moment and told him that I dont care about him.

Pelican

Let's see if we have this right:

AH walking around brooding with a beer in hand (alcohol is a depressant)

AH smells of smoke (smoking constricts blood flow)

sooooo, even if you hired a band, a caterer, decorated and sang happy birthday you would have this:

complaints because the music wasn't the right genre
grumbles because the gifts were last minute and thoughtless
complaints because the food looked weird
anger because the party ended too soon
anger because the party made a mess
anger because ____________ didn't show up

all of the above giving the active alcoholic more reasons to drink.

Guess you saved yourself a lot of drama. :ghug3

Jadmack25

You really should have given him a cake.

Here's one that is perfect for moaning birthday boys, that also says where you stand.

lightseeker

that cake is hysterical!!!!!!!!

Eightball....it sounds like you are truly moving on. Hugs!

LexieCat

Good Lord, "What are you cooking for me?"

Um, hasn't that cruise ship sailed?

Good job with detaching. It isn't your job to save him from self-pity.

Pelican

Just to make you laugh:

"I planned a special meal, but I'm missing a few ingredients. Can you run out and get some bat wings, lizard tails, snake tongues, and toad lungs?"

Linkmeister

Maybe he would like a little whine with his cheese.........

Eight Ball

Thanks guys. Having a good laugh tonight. Luckily I had to go out too, so didn't have to listen to too much.

We got into a bit more of a heated discussion later in the evening, when I repeated that he was choosing to drink alcohol. I have been trying for over a year to live with his choice by detaching, but it wasn't working for me. So based on his choice to carry on drinking, I was going to leave. AH was in fine form quacking too, so have been giggling to myself all evening about the things he came out with.

AH: Our new boat (we own) keeps me sober.
Me: yes, for about four hours every other weekend.
AH: You are choosing to leave our marriage because you are addicted to that site (SR) and believe them rather than me.
Me: Of course its all about me, your blame-shifting again.
AH: Tell me what sort of man are you going to be able to find in Australia who doesn't drink - a church goer?
Me: That will be none of your business
AH: What if I cut down.
Me: We have tried that. I have asked you to cut down, only drink at weekends, only buy one x24 pack of beer a week, only drink 21 units - it doesn't work.
AH: Thanks for ruining my Bday.
Me: Join the ruined birthday and Christmas Club. (I have been a member for years)

stepsforward

God bless you. I could never live with my husband was he is using. You are a strong person Good luck to you