longwayhome

Hi. I'm new to this group and struggling. I left my alcoholic husband almost two years ago -- sort of. I moved into his mother's house with my children. My husband lives close enough to visit on weekends but he's down to once-a-month. He has frequently cancelled at the last minute and sometimes even failed to show up without even calling. I no longer tell the kids when he is planning to visit until -- surprise -- he's here.

We had planned to save money by living this way so I could have a house for the kids. That has not happened. I had just consulted a lawyer about getting a formal agreement for child support and spousal support but had not yet filed when my husband announced that he's been fired.

I'm finished with living in my mother-in-law's house. I'm ready to get back to work and file for divorce, but I'm trying to decide whether to stay in this town (my future ex-husband's home town) or move 300 miles back to where I grew up and where my now aging parents still live. I haven't been "home" for 20 years. I realize there will be challenges anywhere. But I'd love for my kids to have a relationship with my parents before it's too late. I'm sure my parents would help. But then my kids will NEVER see there father. I'm so worried that this decision that might be best for me will hurt the kids. And, yes, I'm even worried about hurting my husband. What would you do?

BHF

I know this may seem to be obvious, but I strongly suggest before you make plans to move anywhere, ask that same attorney about any relocation/jurisdictional issues that may be involved. I know that no legal docs have been filed yet, but you dont want to move and be ordered back by the court.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you as you recover from living with active alcoholism.

I left my alcoholic husband and moved 130 miles away. I wanted the legal protection of not being attached to the consequences of his drinking. I also wanted legal provision for my children in the form of support. I moved to a new community for a job promotion. I did not know anyone here. I found a local alanon meeting and made myself a new home.

When I consulted with a lawyer, my AH had not been working for very long. He took "some time off" from active employment the previous year. I took our tax returns for the past 7 years to prove his earning potential. That is how our child support was based.

I don't think 300 miles is too far to visit. I have lived 350 miles from my first ex for over 15 years. We met half way when it was convenient.

Your situation involves an active alcoholic. I doubt you are considering moving 300 miles away to punish him. If you are moving to provide a more stable environment for yourself and your children, then you are making healthy choices.

Keep on keepin on!

longwayhome

I know that my husband won't force me to move back, but could a judge impose such a restriction without my husband requesting it?

jayscott

It all depends on the judge and state. I'm currently going through some similar divorce issues, and rule #1 is that nobody can transport the children across state lines without both parents' consent. In my case, we also have an additional restraining order preventing the child from crossing the county border without my consent. But everything is generally negotiable.

lillamy

If there were no legal issues preventing it, I'd move back to my home town in a second. Since you asked.

Pelican

I had documentation that I was leaving an active alcoholic.

Receipts for meals with alcohol, receipts for liqour purchases, copies of his credit card statements, photos of open containers left in his vehicle, photos of AH passed out in living room, copies of forged documents, etc.........

In my experience, active alcoholics will quack/threaten to fight a long battle or make things difficult; HOWEVER, their actions show that they are unwilling to put forth the energy or part with funds to hire an attorney.

I found consulting a local attorney for a free consultation was the key to ending my confusion and opening the path for my future.

nodaybut2day

Consult a few lawyers. Really. Not just one. You'll get some varying answers so it's important to get a few consultations. Once you've got some information, you'll be better equipped to make your decision.

Eddiebuckle

300 miles is five hours driving time, which is do-able for a weekend. If you want to make it easier for your husband to see his children, then choose to do so. And know that it is your choice, not his obligation to see them more often as a result. IMO he will see his children according to his needs regardless where they live. He is free to move if he wants to be closer to them.