Too much quacking

Old 05-16-2011, 06:07 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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Too much quacking

I know I ought to have asked him to leave sooner but... I just need to get this off my chest bc it's bugging me...

AH has not stopped drinking except for a few days here and there... Claimed he had. Spring cleaning told me otherwise. He did the usual "It was only a few beers for Christ's sake" (right, a few several times a day I guess)...

Tonight he came by before his meeting and under the guise of wanting to be "honest" with me, told me the following (the girls were asleep when he came over):

- he lies bc I make him anxious
- his life is boring and he drinks to change the channel so to speak
- he has lots of things he does that bring him joy and he has a full life and the fact that he drinks during most of these joy filled activities doesn't change the fact that they are healthy for him in his mind (hiking, gardening etc..)
- his drinking is not even close to the primary reason for our marriage ending
- i should be able to feel close to him and appreciate the good times and separate those out from the bad times and the lies and i am the one with the problem for being unable to do so (i told him i agreed)
- the beer cans i found while cleaning were from at least a yr ago (despite having may 2011 stamped on the bottom of them)
- he's getting nothing out of aa... "going and sitting in meetings isn't doing much for me".
- he has a sponsor but doesn't feel 'heard' by him which is why he doesn't call him
- i don't make time for him to do any hobbies, exercise, spend time with friends (fyi. he has all the free time in the world since i bring the girls to school and pick them up and he makes his own schedule)

I kept my cool until the very end and at that point I got a little teary and told him I was sad to see him throwing his life away and not even realize it. I told him that I could not make him happy and I hoped that he found what he was looking for in aa or with friends, or hiking or whatever it is that brings him joy. He swore at me and left.

I'm sad tonight... Sigh....
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Old 05-16-2011, 06:19 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
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Oh Honey!! (((HUGS))) These are almost the very same things I heard the other night. I'm glad you could hear that it's all quacking and you are able to detach from taking responsibility for his actions and feelings. It is sad! In keeping my side of the street clean, I am in a place now where I know I really am not making judgements but making a life I can be comfortable with for me and my child. There's no way our children should think that some of the things they've seen us do while living with the As in our lives are ok. We have the responsibility to OURselves and our children to clean our worlds from distractions from true happiness.

Good on you for making progress in making things right for you and your family. I feel very much like you're describing right now.
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Old 05-16-2011, 06:23 PM
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he swore at you and left. right. that tells you all you need to know, doesn't it?

I'm feeling pretty angry with my axh for screwing up my life today, so we can have a pity party together.
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Old 05-16-2011, 06:41 PM
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I'm sorry. It's like talking to a wall. They completely don't understand the grief and frustration thats caused by their lies and denials.

I like the term Quacking. The next time my AH starts up, I'm gonna just imagining quacking in my head! LOL
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