XXXXXXXXXX

I used to tell exabf I was going to place a breathalyzer on the computer, like the machine that people have to put on their car starters. I get strAnge fb messages. Also very public apologies and messages that should have been private. I know I will eventually have to unfriend and block him.

It's sad, I can tell by a Facebook post if he is drinking. Random music Lyrics are always a sign, along with other status updates that are a dead giveaway.

Once when he was drunk and I left for a couple of days he posted that joran vandersloot was his hero.

I have his password, and if I can't stand to look at something he posted, I delete it.

He got very upset when I left and changed my relationship status. I didn't publish it, but did publish when I changed my location and most of my friends clicked LIKE.

BuffaloGal

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Recently my aexh forwarded an email to his father and gf, in which I referred to his claiming my tax deductions, and what I did to resolve the situation.

I was mad for about a minute and a half. Then I thought: Ya know, if I'd been thoughtless enough to take his tax deductions, I don't believe I'd be sending evidence of that to my nearest and dearest.

Your ah has used the internet to advertise his poor judgment, that's all.
What he does is his to choose. How you react is not, unless you allow it to be. Be gentle with yourself, but I'm with passionfruit-- don't take on his shame. It's not yours.

ItsmeAlice

Here's an odd connection for you...

I love a wide variety of music for sure, but I have this crazy aversion to watching people sing. From happy go lucky peeps singing karaoke or Happy Birthday to professionals singing their hearts out before the Super Bowl, my skin crawls. Any false note is gut churning for me to watch. Can I hear yet it, sure no problem, but watch them perform, no way at all. I wiggle and squirm and cover my eyes. I want to burst from my seat and run away. All I want is to end what I perceive as the most embarrassing thing ever. I feel every ounce of their shame and regret and terror and heartbreak, and yet in watching some people sing with reckless abandon not caring if they hit the notes or not (picture American Idol auditions), I have to wonder what am I so worked up about if they aren't?? Clearly they are doing their thing, and I'm there suffering for nothing.

I have come to believe that all this taking of someone's perceived shame is all from my upbringing where one of the greatest sins in the eyes of my family was to make an a** of oneself. Heaven forbid someone think you a boob.

I thought it was a strength at times because the giant fear of not embarrassing myself has led to some triumphs of will on my part (swim competitions, spelling bees, even regional theater), but when I take on the shame of others not out of sympathy but out of habit, that's pathological.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I entirely understand how his actions feel entirely reflected upon you. The lies he's telling and the grandiose way he's going about it, just feel like a big spotlight on you, but that is all in your perception. You've already received validation from others that his behavior is garnering horror at him and sympathy for you so whatever it takes to get through these feelings and let this go, do it. It's not your shame to carry. He's the a** even if you're the one getting pooped on.

Hugs,
Alice

Linkmeister

Before the insurance incident, I received this gem: "...you have a bitter heart and its not a wonder you have never had a long relationship...karma shall bite you in the ass!"

LaPinturaBella

^^^^^Says the one racking up the BAD Karma points right and left. Linkmeister, thank you for the perfect illustration to my point. THAT ^^^^ is exactly what I was envisioning as I was writing about bruised egos and MAJOR temper tantrums! lmaolmao

Tuffgirl

This thread is cracking me up...thanks all...needed a good laugh today!

BobbyJ - let him crash and burn on Facebook. Everyone here is correct, he is the one making himself look like an ass.

Kinda sad in a way...I wonder if they remember every stinking detail of their debacles afterward? I would be so horrified!

LaPinturaBella

Me too! But then, we live in reality...not in quackerville!

GettingBy

Remembering what I did the next day... is exactly why I stopped drinking. I was always MORTIFIED by the memories. Sitting there and thinking, "Oh god! What did I say?!? What did I do!?!? What will people say to me when they see me again?!" I hated that feeling... and so I stopped putting myself in situations where I embarassed myself.

I wish it was that simple for an alcoholic.

Linkmeister

LaPinturaBella: Your description of a bruised ego and temper tantrum is bang on.

It ranks right up there with "quacking.....".




I looked through a lot of pictures and this one said it all.

Linkmeister

When it came to "remembering,", my EX came up with a classic:

After one particularly bad relapse where he got into a cab, kept the cab waiting and poured himself up my front stairs, begging for another chance, the following day, he kept asking me "Why did you ask me to leave? Why are you so mad at me? What did I say to you?"

When I replied that he should know what he said and did to anger me, his reply was " Men don't remember things like that. That's the woman's job."

Blackout city, here I come......

BobbyJ

breathalyzer installed on the computer...

now thats funny....

BobbyJ

And I forgot to write on my post, why he thinks Im a liar...

From the Wedding Vows (For better or worse)..

Talk about a guilt trip...

He said, "Your a liar, You agreed for better or worse"

Me, "Well, not this bad, I was thinking more like a small cold or something"

LaPinturaBella

OMG!!!!! Bobby, I'm literally rolling on the floor about the "small cold or something." Thank you for making me laugh!

Linkmeister

:rotfxko :rotfxko :rotfxko :rotfxko :rotfxko

Tuffgirl

OMG that's hilarious! I am tucking that away for future use if ever faced with that line again...