Buffalo66

I have been riding along, seperated, not legally.
I have been watching and waiting.

RAH is so erratic, still, and all I can say is, I no longer feel good about him being with our son, but he keeps threatening to take me to court to get partial/equal custody.

last week, he wanted to buy son a bike, and while we were on the way to do so, RAH impatiently said, "What am I doing? I should be at the gym! I ned to keep to my schedule." I looked at him, said, "why are you doing this?"

He had been with child a total of 30 minutes at that point. Long story short?
Son became more upset and unsure. I reminded RAH, very benignly that we should be sure to follow through with the plans, promises.

Guess what? He took THAT as an affornt. See, HE was buying his child a BIKE!! And expensive bike. ANd that is a big deal to him! (RAH). I "ruined "this experience for him(?)", and now he had to leave.

uh huh.

So, he left, after bike was bought, but, the plan was that he was to put son to bed that night, he had asked, RAH agreed, happily to do so. He left after telling son he had to leave because mommy was being mean. Awesome.
Son got two behavior reports from school the next day, with the teacher actually CALLING me to talk about her concerns. He seemed distracted, upset...
Son is in a very fragile space around his dad keeping plans. Basic stuff, right?

Well, it was two days of him leaving messages about how I "try to detract from and sabotage his good deeds by throwing upsetting parenting sh*t into his experience." My timing was bad. COULD he not possibly see how self oriented this is? He was upset that I spoiled HIS experience of buying son a bike, by interjecting with PARENTING! How dare I?!

Then, he spent an entire evening calling and asking if I need some money for bills, which I said I would let him know. Then he kept calling back, demanding to know how much, cant I give an estimate,was that too "hard" for me to do? when will I Know?, then finally said, "forget it". I felt badgered.

I am done trying to explain how this is weird, selfish, dry drunkish...HOw following through with plans is more important than bike. I dont care anymore if he gets it.

I told him, no more. cant deal, tooo weird.

So, he says, he is now ready to take son for sleepovers, weekly. He says he is ready to do it on his own. We do not need to have anymore contact than necessary. (I am bringing him down...)
(He has never slept over with his own son, alone, NEVER. And this is probably quacking, I mean, he cannot keep it together for 30 minutes, he cant prioritize sons needs before his.)

So, I said, no. Youre not ready. You are not even addressing the panic, etc.

He says, not your decision. We will do it in court, and I have a lawyer, and I know my rights, and you will be surprised.

So, I am in Pennsylvania, and he has never slept over with child alone.
He has an apartment.
He keeps a good, steady job.
He is sober 7 1/2 months.
He is erratic, and has panic attacks, not proveable.
He has been invited to, but never came to any of sons counseling meetings.
He did not pay child support for the first 5 years of childs life, as he was a gutter drunk.
I have some recorded phone calls, and some inconclusive video of him acting weird, fleeing from a scheduled visit.

I have no job, no prospects
I am broke
We live in a healthy rented house.
I have been depressed and EXTREMELY ANGRY at him for some time, and have been mean, and aggressive.
His family would probably NEVER testify against him, even tho they have seen the behavior.

Could he get custody?

Does having a job mean THAT much in the court?
I have been the sole custodial parent for as long as he has been alive.

Can I/Should I ask that there be a psychological assessment?
Can i require supervised visits?

He is really good at conning people, even professionals, especially women.

I know this is premature, and the likelihood of his following through is next to nonexistent,but he is very vindictive, and he might just do it to stick me.

I do not have any money for a lawyer. He does.

I have journaled EVERYthing. I mean I write in the calendar everything.

Any thoughts, in case this happens, or in case I CHOOSE to initiate it?
He seems to think if he takes son for one day a week, that he would have a reduction in child support, but, even that is false. I checked that:
He would have to have son overnight for 160 days or something a year to be considered a partial custody parent, everything before that is considered visiting, and does not affect child support terms (he currently pays $328/mo. Which was based on his unemployment income, before he was working full time...So, I am guessing a reassessment would get more support for me, but I am afarid of the fallout of pursuing that action.)

skippernlilg

Let him try. My experience is that he won't get custody but he will get 'visitation'. If I were in your shoes, I'd have the documented evidence of his erratic behavior and his progress of 'recovery' ready for court so that I could ask for supervised visitation at least for the first 6 months and then a review about visitation afterward. I think any court in the US would think that's reasonable.