Any tricks and insights on remembering who you are? I could use some good ideas
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Any tricks and insights on remembering who you are? I could use some good ideas
.
HI SR family!
I am having tough times, not hearing back from jobs I interview for, my resume is pretty unconventional...And I have childcare issues, no money, etc.
I have some big ideas to keep moving forward, and I am still painting.
The artwork has start-up costs, and I am broke, so thats limited right now.
I plan to do some music related stuff, and that takes a lot of confidence.
I keep finding myself waking up, practicing gratitude, and forging through my days, but, I keep hitting the same wall,
ANd this is alcoholism family disease 101 stuff:
I feel like I have a big, trashy, dysfunctional secret. I feel like I am afraid to act like I am strong enough and well enough and detached enugh to make big moves. This is basic erosion of my self esteem.
My self esteem has gone down the toilet. I cant really even process how deep it runs...
I have read so many uplifting and inspiring accounts of you folks who have risen back up, took chances, started businesses, got back to work, made things happen for yourselves again! And maybe I need a refresher!
Any good ideas, or tricks to help me remember that I can do this?
Any methods that worked to help you bypass the voices in your head that festered during the abuse and neglect, to forge on anyway?
Kind words? Quotes?
I am stuck on this. Cant get around my own self perception, and project and own the kind of confidence thats necessary to pull off a big transition...
Thanks, hope everyone is doing well
HI SR family!
I am having tough times, not hearing back from jobs I interview for, my resume is pretty unconventional...And I have childcare issues, no money, etc.
I have some big ideas to keep moving forward, and I am still painting.
The artwork has start-up costs, and I am broke, so thats limited right now.
I plan to do some music related stuff, and that takes a lot of confidence.
I keep finding myself waking up, practicing gratitude, and forging through my days, but, I keep hitting the same wall,
ANd this is alcoholism family disease 101 stuff:
I feel like I have a big, trashy, dysfunctional secret. I feel like I am afraid to act like I am strong enough and well enough and detached enugh to make big moves. This is basic erosion of my self esteem.
My self esteem has gone down the toilet. I cant really even process how deep it runs...
I have read so many uplifting and inspiring accounts of you folks who have risen back up, took chances, started businesses, got back to work, made things happen for yourselves again! And maybe I need a refresher!
Any good ideas, or tricks to help me remember that I can do this?
Any methods that worked to help you bypass the voices in your head that festered during the abuse and neglect, to forge on anyway?
Kind words? Quotes?
I am stuck on this. Cant get around my own self perception, and project and own the kind of confidence thats necessary to pull off a big transition...
Thanks, hope everyone is doing well
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Well, I know I was posting the other day about having ideas and dreams and remembering who I am and what I used to love etc....
But I feel a lot of what you describe too. I feel like there are 2 parts of me-- the part that feels good about myself, feels confident and hopeful and then the part that is full of doubt, the part that hears the voices of my bpd mother and AH telling me how horrid I am... When I am down it's easy to let the latter voices dictate how I feel. But I have been trying (more successfully than not lately) to talk to myself like a crazy person if need be and remind myself of the positive (even when I don't really believe it about myself) when I feel down...
There's a quote I've seen on here I think and in many other places over the years that I'll google and paste below-- it kind of describes what I've been trying to do... I think we all feel down and crappy at times -- even when I have to fake it, I find that that helps me get out of my own down times... I really understand what you describe though-- you're not alone...
Here's the quote/story... 2 versions...
Two Wolves
A Cherokee Legend
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Here is the same story, but it is called "Grandfather Tells" which is also known as "The Wolves Within"
An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, "Let me tell you a story.
I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.
But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.
But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger,for his anger will change nothing.
Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."
The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"
The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."
But I feel a lot of what you describe too. I feel like there are 2 parts of me-- the part that feels good about myself, feels confident and hopeful and then the part that is full of doubt, the part that hears the voices of my bpd mother and AH telling me how horrid I am... When I am down it's easy to let the latter voices dictate how I feel. But I have been trying (more successfully than not lately) to talk to myself like a crazy person if need be and remind myself of the positive (even when I don't really believe it about myself) when I feel down...
There's a quote I've seen on here I think and in many other places over the years that I'll google and paste below-- it kind of describes what I've been trying to do... I think we all feel down and crappy at times -- even when I have to fake it, I find that that helps me get out of my own down times... I really understand what you describe though-- you're not alone...
Here's the quote/story... 2 versions...
Two Wolves
A Cherokee Legend
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Here is the same story, but it is called "Grandfather Tells" which is also known as "The Wolves Within"
An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, "Let me tell you a story.
I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.
But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.
But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger,for his anger will change nothing.
Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."
The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"
The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
My turning point was when I finally figured out I had to start somewhere. I took a job way below my qualifications, just to be doing something. It helped rebuild my self esteem, it gave me an outlet, it filled my mind with daily distractions. Slowly I began rebuild my house. Every house must sit on a foundation, it must have a corner stone. This simple job was my corner stone and from there I rebuilt me, my life.
So, perhaps you can rethink your rebuilding plan, can you volunteer your time using your many creative skills? Many times that can turn into a paying job. Try and think outside the box.
I think you will be just fine, you sound to be very creative and eager to move forward, use those skills to your advantage.
So, perhaps you can rethink your rebuilding plan, can you volunteer your time using your many creative skills? Many times that can turn into a paying job. Try and think outside the box.
I think you will be just fine, you sound to be very creative and eager to move forward, use those skills to your advantage.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Some of my own perspectives on achieving:
"no" is just a barrier to overcome.
Be persistent; you can get momentarily mad and frustrated, but never give up.
Take advantage of every contact you have - create your own snowball effect - often one things leads to another...you just need to keep following the snowball as it rolls downhill
If you have a skill - consider in the interim teaching others the skill you have. You'd be surprised how many people out there would want to learn what you know and pay for it.
If your resume is 'creative' look for creative jobs where your individuality is celebrated.
Try out new hobbies or tackle a new project - something to keep your mind active and that you can accomplish - small goals create the self confidence to take on larger goals, and so on (the uphill snowball effect).
Lastly, write out everything that is good about you that you already know - keep that list handy so you can add to it, and read daily. Kind of like a positive personal inventory.
You've been through a long standing emotional trauma, be careful you aren't too hard on yourself.
"no" is just a barrier to overcome.
Be persistent; you can get momentarily mad and frustrated, but never give up.
Take advantage of every contact you have - create your own snowball effect - often one things leads to another...you just need to keep following the snowball as it rolls downhill
If you have a skill - consider in the interim teaching others the skill you have. You'd be surprised how many people out there would want to learn what you know and pay for it.
If your resume is 'creative' look for creative jobs where your individuality is celebrated.
Try out new hobbies or tackle a new project - something to keep your mind active and that you can accomplish - small goals create the self confidence to take on larger goals, and so on (the uphill snowball effect).
Lastly, write out everything that is good about you that you already know - keep that list handy so you can add to it, and read daily. Kind of like a positive personal inventory.
You've been through a long standing emotional trauma, be careful you aren't too hard on yourself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Get physically active to the best of your ability! Find a way to get your endorphins, dopamine, serotonin rolling through your body, even if it's just dancing around in your living room by yourself. It's instant and it's how I always get my mojo back 
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Sorry, here's the specific entry
You Can Fix Your Life: Journal Entry June 2008
You Can Fix Your Life: Journal Entry June 2008
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: At the top of my mountain.
Posts: 124
I like to look at baby pics of myself, or pics from when I was a small child. It reminds me of a time when I was brand-new, and the world was just opening up to me. The pureness and innocence of my soul in those pics really remind me that I came here with every potential, and that the potential for greater things is still in me. It reminds me that I once had a pure and open heart. We ALL still have that brand-new potential in us, and hearts that are pure and open. It all comes back with a VENGEANCE when we remove the energy blocks from our lives--including negative thought patters, and people that suck us dry with their selfishness and addictions. Only then can we put the energy back into finding our own amazingness. But it's all still there.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 383
Buffalo66...I'm an artist too. Full time and struggling in this economy. And, I also was in the exact same boat as you regarding broke with the start up costs, low confidence levels. However, that being said, I BELIEVE in walking this path because HP gave me the talent (and I HAVE to use it) and it FEEDS my soul.
I found that I land my biggest jobs/commissions when I'm talking to the client one on one and my sheer love and enthusiasm comes through. Build your materials costs into your price and get that upfront. Another thing that helped me tremendously to take the leap (I didn't pick up a brush, pencil anything for 17 years) was "The Artist's Way." Read the book, do the exercises, it unblocks you, lets you dump the blocking baggage and your creativity increases tenfold...at least. Then I found myself thinking outside of the box to get to people who would buy my art. All you have to lose is the stuff holding you back.
BTW, here's my first ever "person" I painted...and this was done AFTER going through "The Artist's Way."
I found that I land my biggest jobs/commissions when I'm talking to the client one on one and my sheer love and enthusiasm comes through. Build your materials costs into your price and get that upfront. Another thing that helped me tremendously to take the leap (I didn't pick up a brush, pencil anything for 17 years) was "The Artist's Way." Read the book, do the exercises, it unblocks you, lets you dump the blocking baggage and your creativity increases tenfold...at least. Then I found myself thinking outside of the box to get to people who would buy my art. All you have to lose is the stuff holding you back.
BTW, here's my first ever "person" I painted...and this was done AFTER going through "The Artist's Way."
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
LaPinturaBella,
Thank you so much for sharing your art.
I absolutely love it.
I lived in Italy when my ex was active duty Army.
The trees, the architecture, the lovely woman, it is sooooo Italian (to me)!
Beautiful Painter (ess)?
Beth
Thank you so much for sharing your art.
I absolutely love it.
I lived in Italy when my ex was active duty Army.
The trees, the architecture, the lovely woman, it is sooooo Italian (to me)!
Beautiful Painter (ess)?
Beth
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Arizona
Posts: 153
My view is kind of different on remembering who we were, or trying to get back to what we were. It's a view I have from being in an abusive relationship with a husband that wasn't an alcoholic though, but seeing how some alcoholics are abusive, maybe it will apply.
Going through the hell of the divorce and healing from the abuse I was permanently changed. Frankly there was no going back to who I was before, and after some thought, would I really want to? I was naive and put others needs before my own. I allowed others to abuse me and walk all over me. Now I don't. I refuse to be treated like crap. For me, I think not who I was, but who I can be.
Going through the hell of the divorce and healing from the abuse I was permanently changed. Frankly there was no going back to who I was before, and after some thought, would I really want to? I was naive and put others needs before my own. I allowed others to abuse me and walk all over me. Now I don't. I refuse to be treated like crap. For me, I think not who I was, but who I can be.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 383
Buffalo66...Please forgive me in advance, I don't want to hijack your thread. I would like to thank LaTeeDa and Wicked for their kind words. 
Wicked, I painted this IN Italy...near Viterbo. I hope to live in Italy myself someday...I'm envious that you had the opportunity to do so. Glad you picked up the Italian Vibe. I call this "Francesca."
Wicked, I painted this IN Italy...near Viterbo. I hope to live in Italy myself someday...I'm envious that you had the opportunity to do so. Glad you picked up the Italian Vibe. I call this "Francesca."
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Thanks Everyone for such great advice!
LaPintura Bella, The art is beautiful!
I hope you are having as much success with it as it appears you ought to
La Tee Da, We have talked about the artists way before. I had read it back in the early 90s. I saw that you had mentioned it in a previous post, and La Pintura also brought it up.
I had a nutty weekend, and I just had a few minutes alone. I went downstairs, and sure, enough, not only do I STILL have th Artists Way, but I have a completely unused copy of TheARtists way Morning Pages journal.
Apparently, at some point in life, I bought the workbook, and never did it.
I will reread the book, AND do the workbook!
WTBH,
I saved this story to my desktop.
I am sure I will use this in my own life, but, also, I have read nothing more accurate to describe what my RAH seems to struggle with constantly. I am big on the Native American stuff.
thank you everyone!
LaPintura Bella, The art is beautiful!
I hope you are having as much success with it as it appears you ought to
La Tee Da, We have talked about the artists way before. I had read it back in the early 90s. I saw that you had mentioned it in a previous post, and La Pintura also brought it up.
I had a nutty weekend, and I just had a few minutes alone. I went downstairs, and sure, enough, not only do I STILL have th Artists Way, but I have a completely unused copy of TheARtists way Morning Pages journal.
Apparently, at some point in life, I bought the workbook, and never did it.
I will reread the book, AND do the workbook!
WTBH,
I saved this story to my desktop.
I am sure I will use this in my own life, but, also, I have read nothing more accurate to describe what my RAH seems to struggle with constantly. I am big on the Native American stuff.
thank you everyone!
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