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Old 05-12-2011, 10:37 AM
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I let XABF dictate everything that we did, and if I didn't agree with him on things, that sparked a large argument, so I generally learned to put my preferences on the back burner, for most things. Now that I get a say in 100% of how I spend my time, I have been trying all sorts of different things.



I adopted a kitten. I love cats, I had one growing up, and adopting Peaches has been very healing for me. XABF also hated cats, so adopting her was my way of signaling to myself that the relationship really was over.

I have been slowly redecorating the rooms in my apartment. I am not rushing, it honestly depends upon how I'm feeling, and I want to make sure that when I decorate it's because it's what I want it to look like, not simply a way to change it from the way he decided it would look. So far I've done the den, the bedroom, and I've cleaned out all my closets. I still have the kitchen, dining room, bathroom, and living room to decorate.

I've redone the balcony. I bought giant flowerboxes, not the little ones he got originally, so I've got two giant ones in the front, then two smaller ones (the originals) on the sides. I have an herb garden in one of the little flowerboxes; the other three are sparsely planted with flowers. I want to have perennials in them eventually, but this year I'm satisfied with a couple brightly-colored annuals, as I'm not sure what perennials I want yet. I have a pair of hanging plants I bought, as well - cheap, but pretty. I got a topsy-turvey and planted beefsteak tomatoes, cherry tomatoes (red and yellow), a yellow striped heirloom tomato, two kinds of bell peppers (one is spicy), and a couple more herbs. I also have a strawberry planter, and I've already got two strawberries that are almost ready to eat, with many more on the way. I am doing it right this time, planting everything in potting soil rather than leaving them bound in the containers they came in (like XABF insisted upon last summer).
Most exciting of all, though, I am going to grow roses. I already have one shipped up from Texas, a red cascading rose, that I'm growing in a hanging basket. After this year the canes should be long enough that they'll start to drape over the sides (right now it looks like a bush in a basket). I also have three others on the way from Georgia, just shipped yesterday - Rainbow's End, New Dawn, and Winner's Circle - which will grow in large pots I've already set up. These plants will be younger, so they probably won't flower this year, but who knows? I might be surprised.
I figure if the cascading red blooms this year, and all four survive the winter, I am doing awesome.
I have never grown roses before, but always wanted to. Can you tell I'm excited?
My balcony is tiny, but I don't care, I am growing a jungle out there and enjoying it!

I have taken up cooking. I love cooking and baking, although not always. It depends upon how busy I am with other things - when things are quiet, I cook more. Right now I'm working on other things, but enjoying the mushroom soup I made last week, I still have enough for two or three more nights.

And of course Peaches is getting her own "Kitty Condo." Nothing fancy, just two giant platforms by the window. It's at the point now where she can use it, and she enjoys it. Yesterday I was doing laundry, couldn't find her, she's didn't come when I called, so I tore apart the laundry area scared to death that she got stuck behind the washer or inside my running drier... Only to discover that she's calmly curled up on the top platform, cleaning behind her ears and watching the neighbor's cats across the courtyard. I'm glad she likes it.

My National Geographic are up in my apartment from my parents' house, and I bought a subscription again, so I can't wait for them to arrive. I have been reading a little more - I want to read more, though... And I want to take up writing again, because I truly do miss it, but I'm not at the point emotionally where I feel comfortable diving into finishing my novel yet.

The apartment complex's swimming pool will be opening soon (I can't wait!) and I've also discovered the location of their fitness center, so I'll be starting in on the exercise at some point... And I think I'll start hiking again, too, or else buy a mountain bike and go biking instead, haven't decided. I have my instruments in the closet, and my cross stitch supplies, and my birdwatching binoculars with the nature books, and, and, and...

There are so many awesome things I can do with my life, now.



I am looking at that wall of text I just typed and thinking, "Who in the world is this person?" I don't even recognize myself anymore - but it's all for the good, I like this new person.
:day6
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Old 05-12-2011, 10:41 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Reading this thread makes me happy.

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Old 05-12-2011, 10:49 AM
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I feel like I was never anyone and I am just discovering who I am at the age of 25. I've always seem to turn to men to make me happy...Or other people. I've spent my life pleasing others and never looking at myself and who I am or want to be. I notice myself slipping when I was having this flirty relationship with the cop...of all people.. thats a whole other post, haha. I'm really struggling with keeping the focus on myself and the kids!!
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Old 05-12-2011, 10:52 AM
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I better say some positives though that I have done! let see..re arranging and changing the house, doing things that exA never did or would finish, I feel pretty good when I am very capable to do the things he thought I couldn't do..like pound a nail or mow the lawn.

I got my hair done and thats a confidence boost!

Despite all the drama in my life, I got pretty darn good grades this semester!! Finished my classes with all A's and one B.
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Old 05-12-2011, 12:09 PM
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Awesome Thread. It is funny how we got so lost in our A relationship and forgot ourselves along the way. Now is the time to think about ourselves and what we want from life.

I love making gift baskets. Any kind of baskets, cookie baskets, holiday baskets, graduation baskets. It is so fun and each one is so different. I started doing them as presents but now sometimes I will get request for them. When I give them out, people will ask where I ordered then from. I would love to open a shop and make them.

Hopefully, some day I will open that shop!!
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Old 05-12-2011, 12:45 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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This thread is what I needed today.
Thanks all.

I am starting to draw a Phoenix for an American friend!! I asked him to donate the $ he would give me to an Indian charity school I like (they tend to refugees). So I have a wonderful time painting, my friend gets some color in his cubicle and some USD help buy uniforms for a full year for 10 kids. Knowing this takes my a$$ off from my "woe is me" and on to the action!!

I love cooking and have very good taste to mix flavors... already looking for a cooking lesson in a posh school we have here...

How wonderful that we all go for different things and there is enough space for everybody... if we shared a community it would have great decoration, food, wonderful parties, cakes, gardens

Thanks for reminding me what life is really about!!
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Old 05-13-2011, 04:28 AM
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Boy did I get my resolve tested last night and I feel so much less enthused than I did when I started this post. I let AH's rant the night before trial and again last night impact me and really, really don't want it to and am hoping that posting here and re-reading everyone's amazing dreams, talents etc... gets my head back in a good place. I started this thread for one reason (to try and think through who the heck I am) and have gotten so much more out of it than I could have imagined-- I have LOVED reading everyone's posts and I agree with TakingCharge--- if we were all in one community, boy would we have a lot of great stuff to offer
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Old 05-13-2011, 04:38 AM
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Originally Posted by SoloMio View Post
wanttobehealthy,

I don't know why--I started crying when I read your post! I am so happy for all the cool things going through your head right now! I feel like I'm watching a beautiful butterfly emerge from a cocoon.

I think all of your ideas are wonderful expressions of who you are (of course I don't know you, but they sound great!) Go for it! I think you live in a city, right? So much opportunity there!

As for me, I've gone back to my old journals to rediscover me. The peak of my "me-ness" was in high school, where I just completely explored who I was. Back then, I drew and painted (even one a prize in the town art show--haven't picked up brush in years). I also made all my own clothes and I was a CCD teacher, just coming off of my ambition to be a nun (talk about a fork in the road with two completely different paths). During my recent six weeks away, I actually contacted a retreat house run by nuns to find a spiritual director, and I went to several of their evening programs, which were great.
Solo's post on here made me realize that in addition to the things I am figuring out that I love to do and remembering what I used to be good at, there are SO many more things that I still don't know about myself... Reading others' posts, I am finding myself saying "oh right-- that's something I used to love too"... On the one hand it's sad that I have to have my memory jogged but on the other hand it's amazing to read what everyone is sharing bc it's opening the horizon even more in terms of my list of things I love doing and remembering just who it is I am.

I took a jewelry design class in high school and won a state level award in an art show for some of the stuff I made and had wanted to go to college to study either art therapy or nursing (and did neither). I've turned that "skill" (artistic stuff) into making some pretty cool, unique gifts over the years (made clocks out of antique plates-- sounds weird but they look really cool), made handbags that I sewed ...

I was a volunteer with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps after college and went on a number of amazing retreats during that time and Solo's post got me thinking that I ought to explore retreats and find one I'd like to go on...

JRG- your post reminded me that I love making gift baskets filled with tasty things I bake at xmas time for friends and colleagues and maybe I should add that to a talent and try and combine some of the things I do and make a real business of it...

So, thank you everyone-- I re-read the thread as I said I was going to and my mood is about a million times better than it was 10 min ago!
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Old 05-13-2011, 02:42 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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WTB you sound very creative and artistic!!!! Also with facebook, webpages, ebay, etc you can have a worldwide audience.. my mom likes to sew and we both love to paint.. whatever we can paint.. lol so we are thinking of putting some of our things online.

I also know that making cool paintings for popular people is a huge way to showcase my own talents... but if someone is interested I have to prepare a portfolio.. ohh that sounds fun!! I would like to create my own handbags from recycled material too.. I have a good looking friend and another one that is a photographer so I was thinking it would be so cool to find neat places, get her to model the bags and stuff like that play "fashion shoots"

This makes me so happy, also I believe our spirit is very tied to our body so if we do not have creativity in our life we may resent it... creativity is stored in the uterus according to some masters... precisely because its about creation of new life... so, if only for health purposes, we need to follow our artistic calls !!
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