GettingBy

Sad days, glad days... But not today... It's a mad day.

Divorce is hell on earth. The back and forth banter between attorneys as we slowing shred our family and home to pieces.


I'm so pissed off at my AH today. I swear I could spit nails I'm so angry. He's drinking daily now... Lining up the empty beer cans like a giant FU to me. He's rally all drinking neighbors around him. I was out of town last night... And the kids told me he took them to neighbors house to hang out at their bar in their basement!! I saw red, and as much as I wanted to grill the 5yo for details... I opted to bite my lip and change the subject.

His attorney finally drafted his answer... He agreed to the No Fault, with one exception... He wants me to pay all his attorney and moving/relocation fees because he doesn't want this. I'm going to meet with the attorney to discuss it all tomorrow... I just want to rip him to pieces right now.

We need to get out of this house, and I need to get away from him...

barb dwyer

what a low life.

there's another thread on 'gender roles'

this guy certainly isn't playing his role
of provider and bread winner, is he?

so the woman has to pick up both
and "PAY OUT" just to get rid of a bum.

No man pays to get rid of a woman.
he just waits till she turns fifty
and dumps her for a young stupid woman.

Most of the women in poverty today
are divorces women over forty
and young unmarried women with small children.

Hopefully your lawyer will go for the throat.
Or wallet.

cagefree

Sorry it's such a rough day.

Sick is as sick does - just a lot of sick. Glad you are choosing to stay on the healthy path (changed the subject - nice!)

As an aside - I have a love/hate relationship with Anger. As bad as it feels, I find it an excellent motivator!

sandrawg

I know it is hard, cuz lord knows, a few months after the end of my relationship with my exabf, I STILL STILL STILL struggle with the anger, but can you look at him as, sick and pathetic?

Because honestly, he really is.

Lining up the beer cans?? As if he's drinking to spite you? Who does that hurt? That doesn't really hurt you! Ultimately, it hurts him. All that drinking is killing his liver, mind and spirit. And his drinking neighbors? All enablers, who probably have their own horrible lives, family problems etc. from drinking that they'll never reveal to you.

His life is sad and pathetic-you, on the other hand, are on the way out and have a really good shot at a healthy, happy, productive life!

He is in the grips of a disease and can't even see it. His prognosis is grim. Yours is very good.

HAng in there!

lillamy

I'm glad you're meeting with a lawyer because you know what? If your AH doesn't want this, he doesn't have to hire a lawyer. So there's no reason you should pay for that. And moving/relocation? You can stick his sh*t on the curb for free. So there.

That's some serious BS there, girlfriend, and I'm glad you're spitting nails mad about it. That tells me you're over the "OMG how can I do this to him" stage and that's a healthy thing.

Tuffgirl

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...alcoholic.html

read this...Sandra's post makes a lot more sense after reading this. Just makes you shake your head. You will be ok. He will not. Very sad.

naive

might be worthwhile to snap a picture of the beer cans lined up for evidence...

LaPinturaBella

Well put, lillamy. He can ask, demand, quack, whatever. Doesn't mean he's gonna get what he wants. And what he doesn't seem to understand is he's gone and got his Irish wife good and pissed off...always a bad thing to do. I know, I'm a Shannon, too. I think this is HP's way of keeping you focused on doing what is right for you and your kids. HP is motivating you through AH's quackery.

You'll be just fine! You're a strong, strong, brilliant woman!

Shannon

TakingCharge999

Quackety quack!!

wanttobehealthy

Do you have somewhere else you and the kids can stay so you don't have to be confronted on a daily basis with the drinking and behavior? The fact that your kids told you that they were at the bar in the neighbors house tells me that they were probably worried, alarmed etc... or know enough about their Dad to know that that's not a good thing.

Would he agree to stay elsewhere? It sounds like it could easily turn volatile. If he's drinking daily and has a history of getting physical with you and is angry bc of the divorce, it just makes me worried for you...

Sorry things are so rough right now.

Jazzman

LOL!!!

No judge would agree to that and his lawyer knows it. They're just f'ing with you. A malicious jab. What a douche

lillamy

lol

GettingBy

Oh yeah... the Irish Temper is NEVER good to stir up!!

The thing he doesn't realize is that he is going to lose more in the divorce, just by virtue of the NYS laws on child support. I don't NEED his money and was, up until yesterday, willing to agree/negotiate to a lesser amount... but not anymore!!! I was willing to negotiate lower amounts for a lot of things (retirement, equity in the house, etc).... not anymore.

Oh, I'll pay the damn attorney fees... that's chump change compared to what he's going to pay me for the next 15 years and what he's going to lose out of his retirement and the house.

F'in idiot.

Seriously, who is stupid enough to get into a numbers fight with an engineer?!?!?! As I've said before, I was going to play nice as long as he did.... well, gloves are off, and it's go time.

LaTeeDa

Ummmmmm........................an alcoholic?

:rotfxko

L

Shellcrusher

Anger is a comfortable emotion for me. I get my best work done in that mood. So it's good to see someone else use it for motivation.

One time I was told that even when I'm suffering through this experience with my AW and angry, I'll have my day when I file the papers. So I hear what you're saying. Drop the fuggin bomb.

LaTeeDa

I'd be very careful about agreeing to the attorney fees. Once he and his attorney know you're on the hook for it, they might just be inclined to rack up a bunch of litigation......you never know.

And, you don't have to pay his attorney fees in order to get what you are entitled to in other areas. I say, refuse the attorney fees request, the moving costs request, and go for what you are entitled to under the law. But, that's just me......

L

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Let him pay his own damn lawyer fees! He says he is not going to pay because he doesn't want this. Well you didn't want this either and you never wanted to be subject to his drunken BS. Really, the BS they come up with is amazing.

Fandy

my xhusband paid MY attorney fees...ordered by the judge...(because he dragged the divorce out so long, he nitpicked so much and we kept going back to court, he didn't want the divorce either). we divorced on St. Patrick's Day...drove the snakes out of the house.

let him pay for whatever your attorney recommends..my big sticking point was he paid child support and for school until our daughter was emancipated and through with school...I encouraged her to go to grad school.

fourmaggie

i never looked at it this way before.... moment! A (men) SUCK!!

Shellcrusher

Let us not generalize men too much here.