Enabler no more...........
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by Autumn9 
Question though, why isn't there more financial help for addicts to get the treatment they need?
Answer #2--much help is available for free. AA and Salvation Army, to name two.
Answer #3--it's a waste of money to spend on treatment for addicts who only want to put on a show and are not really serious about recovery. See #'s 1 and 2.
NOT YOUR PROBLEM.
L
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
I.E., go to al-anon meetings..
Originally Posted by lillamy
I agree with Catlover: You educate yourself on what living with an alcoholic has done to you, and you start rebuilding your life with your new insights -- which will lead you to choosing people who provide you with more stability and less drama. 
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Yup, yup-wasted 3.5 yrs of my precious life, off and on, counting on "potential"..
Originally Posted by LaTeeDa
Ah yes, the old "potential" rationalization. I hung on to that one for several years myself. It's easier than admitting I chose to get involved with someone who was throwing his life away and taking me with him.
I must go bump that thread I saw a little while ago.......
L
I must go bump that thread I saw a little while ago.......
L
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Cut your losses, and as someone else posted, Thank your Lucky Stars.
He sounds abusive, and your relationship sounds young enough that you can get a clean break/
Do you want to spend more years, months, decades trying to figure out if the abusive aspect of him is due to alcohol, or if he uses alcohol to actually temper it, to cover it up, or to justify it?
I did that. I have spent a decade.
My RAH is very out of balance, and he is kind of just an A88hole.
And as his mom says, "There's no rehab for THAT!", LOL
BUt, whoops, we have a son. So, I am kind of stuck tethered to him.
Dont make this mistake, and get out there and find a healthy relationship, first, with yourself, then with a nice man who treats you decently.
He sounds abusive, and your relationship sounds young enough that you can get a clean break/
Do you want to spend more years, months, decades trying to figure out if the abusive aspect of him is due to alcohol, or if he uses alcohol to actually temper it, to cover it up, or to justify it?
I did that. I have spent a decade.
My RAH is very out of balance, and he is kind of just an A88hole.
And as his mom says, "There's no rehab for THAT!", LOL
BUt, whoops, we have a son. So, I am kind of stuck tethered to him.
Dont make this mistake, and get out there and find a healthy relationship, first, with yourself, then with a nice man who treats you decently.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 8
It's been one week since I stopped enabling him. He is still at his parents house and has not had any contact with me. I will start al anon meetings and stop the codependancy cycle.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
Good for you Autumn!
I just wanted to answer your question about 'what happened to the man you fell in love with?'. He is there and he is an alcoholic. Same man with a disease. I've learned that the alcoholic and the person are actually one and the same.
The mistake we make (as codependents) is thinking that they are fighting to 'get out'... like a butterfly struggles to get out of the cocoon.
NOT!
No, they are often quite comfy with it while in it, esp if they find enabling partners. They seek recovery when things around them start falling apart and they realize the pain of living that life is greater than its advantages.
I just wanted to answer your question about 'what happened to the man you fell in love with?'. He is there and he is an alcoholic. Same man with a disease. I've learned that the alcoholic and the person are actually one and the same.
The mistake we make (as codependents) is thinking that they are fighting to 'get out'... like a butterfly struggles to get out of the cocoon.
NOT!
No, they are often quite comfy with it while in it, esp if they find enabling partners. They seek recovery when things around them start falling apart and they realize the pain of living that life is greater than its advantages.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
