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Enabler no more...........

Old 05-10-2011, 09:06 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Autumn9 View Post
Question though, why isn't there more financial help for addicts to get the treatment they need?
Answer #1--there's plenty. Just about anyone with health insurance can get help.

Answer #2--much help is available for free. AA and Salvation Army, to name two.

Answer #3--it's a waste of money to spend on treatment for addicts who only want to put on a show and are not really serious about recovery. See #'s 1 and 2.

NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

L
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Old 05-10-2011, 09:28 PM
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I.E., go to al-anon meetings..

Originally Posted by lillamy View Post
I agree with Catlover: You educate yourself on what living with an alcoholic has done to you, and you start rebuilding your life with your new insights -- which will lead you to choosing people who provide you with more stability and less drama.
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Old 05-10-2011, 09:31 PM
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Yup, yup-wasted 3.5 yrs of my precious life, off and on, counting on "potential"..

Originally Posted by LaTeeDa View Post
Ah yes, the old "potential" rationalization. I hung on to that one for several years myself. It's easier than admitting I chose to get involved with someone who was throwing his life away and taking me with him.

I must go bump that thread I saw a little while ago.......

L
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Old 05-11-2011, 04:51 AM
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Cut your losses, and as someone else posted, Thank your Lucky Stars.

He sounds abusive, and your relationship sounds young enough that you can get a clean break/

Do you want to spend more years, months, decades trying to figure out if the abusive aspect of him is due to alcohol, or if he uses alcohol to actually temper it, to cover it up, or to justify it?

I did that. I have spent a decade.
My RAH is very out of balance, and he is kind of just an A88hole.

And as his mom says, "There's no rehab for THAT!", LOL

BUt, whoops, we have a son. So, I am kind of stuck tethered to him.

Dont make this mistake, and get out there and find a healthy relationship, first, with yourself, then with a nice man who treats you decently.
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Old 05-13-2011, 10:14 PM
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It's been one week since I stopped enabling him. He is still at his parents house and has not had any contact with me. I will start al anon meetings and stop the codependancy cycle.
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Old 05-13-2011, 10:49 PM
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Good for you Autumn!

I just wanted to answer your question about 'what happened to the man you fell in love with?'. He is there and he is an alcoholic. Same man with a disease. I've learned that the alcoholic and the person are actually one and the same.

The mistake we make (as codependents) is thinking that they are fighting to 'get out'... like a butterfly struggles to get out of the cocoon.
NOT!

No, they are often quite comfy with it while in it, esp if they find enabling partners. They seek recovery when things around them start falling apart and they realize the pain of living that life is greater than its advantages.
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